Well, my name is Roxanne and to be quite honest I was not really raised up in a Christian home. My mother was brought up in catholic school all her life and I guess maybe that’s why she rebelled and didn’t really bring us up with church. I do believe in God and have for all my life.
I was raised by my single mom who left my dad because he was a cheater and frequently beat her up. I was one when she left and didn’t get remarried till I was 6. My stepfather never got along with me and my older sister and frequently hit us. I was raised a very domestic violence home and I’m happy that’s of the past now. Just a little info of me and my life growing up.
When I was 20, I met the man that would later father my son. I loved him with all my heart. Even though friends and family warned me against dating him because he already had 2 kids with the same girl, and he was my same age. But when your young and naïve you don’t listen to anyone’s words of wisdom.
Well, his first baby’s mom made are lives miserable not to mention his family were pretty awful to me. Needless to say, we broke up almost two years ago. We have been off and on and during this time I lost the home we had together, gained a lot of weight and went unto a depression that I’m still going thru till this day.
I tried everything to get over him, going out to night clubs, being promiscuous, reading the cards. Going to witch doctors hoping they would tell me the future. I also got heavy into smoking pot. I smoked everyday all day. I would cry myself to sleep because I wanted my son to grow up with the family he never had.
About four months ago I got a bible and started reading it, mind you I never really even prayed regularly. I picked it up and would read and read and I came upon a passage that God gives us the desires of are heart. And I know this is going to sound terrible, but I thought well if I dedicate my life to God maybe just maybe he can restore my family and bring him back home.
So thru God’s grace I stop going out and I finally stop doing drugs. I knew I had to stop doing drugs because my son deserved better. It was day by day. I got a job and I feel good about myself today. But I always think I’m better and then out of nowhere driving home or laying in my bed I will just sob and cry for him to come back. I even about a month and half ago changed my prayer, I started telling God I understand God if me and him are not meant to be then its ok, I will accept what’s in your will for me, just take this hurt out of my heart Lord.
It has gotten better, and I cry less and most nights it’s easy to drift off to sleep. It used to not be easy at all. About 2 weeks ago I had a dream that me and my ex were in a very dirty apartment living together and then after some time we were moving into a nice clean apartment. The walls were bright white, and we seem very happy and peaceful.
The next night, the depression got the best of me, and I started crying and still trying to praise my lord. I got this sudden urge to get up and turn on the lights and open my bible…. I opened it and it landed on JOB 33:
1 “But now, Job, listen to my words;
pay attention to everything I say.2 I am about to open my mouth;
my words are on the tip of my tongue.3 My words come from an upright heart;
my lips sincerely speak what I know.4 The Spirit of God has made me;
the breath of the Almighty gives me life.5 Answer me then, if you can;
prepare yourself and confront me.6 I am just like you before God;
I too have been taken from clay.7 No fear of me should alarm you,
nor should my hand be heavy upon you.8 “But you have said in my hearing”
I heard the very words-9 ‘I am pure and without sin;
I am clean and free from guilt.10 Yet God has found fault with me;
he considers me his enemy.11 He fastens my feet in shackles;
he keeps close watch on all my paths.’12 “But I tell you, in this you are not right,
for God is greater than man.13 Why do you complain to him
that he answers none of man’s words?14 For God does speak now one way, now another
though man may not perceive it.15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,
when deep sleep falls on men
as they slumber in their beds,16 he may speak in their ears
and terrify them with warnings,17 to turn man from wrongdoing
and keep him from pride,18 to preserve his soul from the pit,
his life from perishing by the sword.19 Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain
with constant distress in his bones,20 so that his very being finds food repulsive
and his soul loathes the choicest meal.21 His flesh wastes away to nothing,
and his bones, once hidden, now stick out.22 His soul draws near to the pit,
and his life to the messengers of death.23 “Yet if there is an angel on his side
as a mediator, one out of a thousand,
to tell a man what is right for him,24 to be gracious to him and say,
‘Spare him from going down to the pit
I have found a ransom for him’-25 then his flesh is renewed like a child’s;
it is restored as in the days of his youth.26 He prays to God and finds favor with him,
he sees God’s face and shouts for joy;
he is restored by God to his righteous state.27 Then he comes to men and says,
‘I sinned, and perverted what was right,
but I did not get what I deserved.28 He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit,
and I will live to enjoy the light.’29 “God does all these things to a man”
twice, even three times-30 to turn back his soul from the pit, that the light of life may shine on him.
31 “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me;
be silent, and I will speak.32 If you have anything to say, answer me;
speak up, for I want you to be cleared.33 But if not, then listen to me;
be silent, and I will teach you wisdom.”
I am pretty certain that God is trying to tell me something, I thought maybe this means we will get back together I would like other people’s take on the dream and prayer maybe I’m all wrong. I know God in my heart was and is trying to tell me something. Why can’t I understand what it is He is trying to tell me?
I am totally turning my life around and also trying to get my family into God. I don’t know why I can’t seem to bury this depression and accept things I can’t change. I continue to pray and pray and hopefully one day I will come out of this stronger and wiser like Marvin Sapp said. (Gospel singer)
Roxanne – God has a perfect plan for your life, which may or may not include the father of your son. But before you can step into that plan, you must do three things. #1: Admit to God that you are a sinner (see verses 9 and 10 of Job 33). #2: Believe that Jesus paid for your sins on the cross. (Jesus proved that he was who He said He was, when he rose bodily from the grave three days after his death on the cross). #3: You must confess (say) that Jesus is Lord. That’s all! Jesus said that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father, but by me (John 14:6).
Thank you Gail for your words of encourgement. I will take your advice and take those steps.
Hi Roxanne –
Do exactly what Gail said to do. You have to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. God’s plans are bigger then our plans. You have to realize God see’s the big picture, he see’s and knows the future. The man you were with is he a Christain? From the sounds of it, he’s not. The bible says not to be Unequally yoked. Just trust in God, he has good plans for your life. You are beautiful, he chose YOU. God has the perfect mate out there for you, but it’s all in his timing. He may be using this time for you to draw closer to Him. Don’t settle for less then what God has for you!! Get up everyday an say, today is going to be a good day, I am beautiful, I am somebody, today is the day the Lord has made. Start confessing Good things in your life even when it’s hard. God will get you out of that depression, but don’t sit all day thinking of the bad, being negative because that’s the way you’ll feel. Force yourself to confess good things. In the bible all Gods says is Good things about us! If you’d like to just chat via email. I’m hear for you. I’ve had very hard times in my life, but through it all God has proven himself to me faithful over and over. I’ve been depressed, living without purpose, wondering why things weren’t happening the way I wanted them. God’s done so much in my life an I feel I need reach out an help people when they need it. One day God will use you to help someone else. Keep up the good fight of faith. God is the healer of the broken hearted!! Smile…Jesus Loves you!
Dear Rev Jessie I’ve been wanting to share my testimony with you and your Church members. I was saved in a prison called Sing Sing. I know it will be an inpactin the youth today as we live in a world of sin. I’ve been saved since 1984 I’ve been in prison must of my life. Today am an Ordaied Rev. I visit most of the youth prisons in N.J. Where I live. Please give me a chance to show the youth there is another way out of the devils hold. Truly Yours Rev Angel Pagan. Tel 1856-8422564
Thanks for the words of encourgement Katrina, I appreciated them alot. My ex does believe in god but he doesn’t attend church and he’s not saved. I haven’t been as strong as I think I could be and I will have to really start declaring that I will come out of this and that I have come out of this in the name of Jesus Christ. I think I just need to forgive him and his family because I have alot of feelings of bitterness towards him. Recently I put him on child support and he stop seeing his son for a whole month and instead of fighting I just let it go, I didnt call I dont think anyone should have to force you to be a father. Well he finally called to see the baby this weekend and I let him go and didnt say a word to him. Its hard to take the high road out, the old me would have cussed him out. I know god is starting to change me for the best. Thanks again Katrina, you motivated me to declare victory on my situation thru Jesus. I haven’t been really declaring that.
Hi,
I’m so glad you wrote back. We all need encouragement, alot of time’s life just doesn’t seem right. Your first step is to forgive him and his family. No matter how hard you try to change them they won’t change for you. I believe you should get child support for your son, your son is his responsiblity too. Pray for your ex, I know there’s times you probly think the worst of him, but that’s when we need to pray for them. One day your ex will wake up an realize what he’s missed in this life with his precious son. They grow up way too fast. You mentioned you didn’t cuss him out.. see You may think you’ve got a long way to go, but you need to look back at how far you’ve already come. : ) You may not be everything you want to be, but at least you can thank God that you’re not where you used to be. : ) I think most of us can thank God for that. Pray that God will just work in your ex’s heart, he’ll open him up to the truth an accept Jesus as his savior.
Hang in there. God’s already got this all worked out for you..you just need to trust Him, let go and give it to the Lord. Hope is things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. God’s aleady at work. : )
The Bible says we are life a mist, a vapor; we’re here for a moment, then we’r gone. Life is flying by, so don’t wast another moment of your precious time being angry, unhappy, or worried. Make the most of the situation. We have to learn to be happy in spite of our circumstance.
Start believing that things are going to change for the better, not because you deserve it, but simply because God loves you that MUCH! : ) Have a great day!
Hi! I’ve never really given my testimony to anyone and was just curiously reading and stumbled upon yours…and well looks like today is the day for me to give mine to you. I, too, had children with someone I loved very much. He abused me, drugs, alcohol and people in general. Sometimes he was so great but other times he was so mean. I knew I could change him. Turns out I couuldn’t. Yet I prayed for him to come back to us, I begged him , I begged GOD. I got angry with him, and angry with God. I thought to myself,”Now God knows how important family is to me…my Dad left me, He knows I want better for my own kids than this!!” Unfortunately he spent time in and out of prison, was never there for our kids, never paid child support, I never turned him in( basically all the same stuff)That was years ago. My life today is so different because of what God has done. No “he” never came back. But I did meet a wonderful man who is now my husband and has adopted my children. See the Lord knew my kids needed someone, he knew I needed someone, too. But first I had to know how desperately I need the LORD!! His plans are bigger than ours and if you’ll just let him, his plans are much better too! God Bless You…hang in there
need to be more cheerful than this
always remember to laugh out at the devil when he comes with his tricks(the only thing he knows to do)
he’s neither powerful nor can he with stand a cheerful christian.
cheer up and mock at him and his servants
there’s always victory at the end
“surely there shall be an end and your expectations shall not be cut off”
hi
God does say to trust in him. He will be the father to those who are fatherless and husband to those who doesnt have husband.
i pray that god will give you strength and courage to go through.
Hi Roxanne,
Well i’ve grown up with a catholic family as well. My father snd mother are as well divorce and none of them believe in God..everyone has their purpose and i believe it with all my heart. Now im fully and completely in love with God just because i did 2 things which where: i recieved him as my only Savior and i told him that he is the owner of my life.I him to take control of my life. i’ve been a christian for more than 5 years he first 3 was on and off and now is no turning back to what th sinning world has to bring. Now i preach to the youth and fully trust i only God.
i told you s lil bit of my story becuase i think that’s all you need to do as well. believe and commend your life to him and only HIM.
ALWAYS FAITH BECUASE WITH FAITH YOU CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS.
if you want to do God’s will..then tell him and just focuse on that. God knows your heart he knows what you are goin thru. but just so you know Job lost everything including his family and had the worst sickness. but he always had faith. he never lost his Faith.
Just have faith do his will and everything else will come on it’s own a package of gifts from God.BELIEVE!!!!
now my family with time their believing more in Christ and my dad stoped drinking. all i do is believe an declared that they are christian and that’s because of my FAITH.SOONER OR LATER THEY WILL BE IN GOD’S STEPS AS WELL AS YOUR FAMILY AND I BELIEVE IT!!! YOU SHOULD TOO
Hi
Obey Acts2:28 and John 3:5 is the start then it’s relationship with God