March 11th, 2013 at 1:57 am
I can’t sleep tonight. 3 months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We got in a fight, and he said he was done forever. The night before he had told me how much he had saved up for a ring, and how much he couldn’t wait to start a family with me. He is the love of my life.
Originally, he chased me for a year; I was too scared to say yes to him because I thought I was too much work for anyone, and I was scared. Eventually, I got to a better situation with myself, and I realized how much I liked him. Every day of my life I love him more than I did the day before. I truly feel like God put this man in my life to be the one I spend the rest of it with. He is such a good person, but his friends have convinced him his moral code is not normal for a college guy.
All my life, I have made the promise to myself and God, that I would only have sex with one man. My heart could not handle more than that. Before my ex and I lost our virginity, I prayed to God for months to tell me if this was not the right thing. Instead, I felt him tell me that Mac was the one. 2 years later, we’ve been apart for 3 months.
He won’t let me speak to him, or his family, whom I considered my own. I truly felt that God put these people in my life for good. I never took them for granted, and I was always there for them. Now Mac has gone out and had sex with other girls who he does not love. This hurts me deeply, but I know if he came back I could forgive him and move on from it. What hurts is that I cannot move on from Mac.
No matter how hard I try, each day it gets worse; I miss and love him more and more. I pray for God to bring him back, but it seems so unlikely when Mac is enjoying all this freedom with whoever he wants. Why would he pick me, who tied him down with commitment, when he can have freedom and popularity?
It seems impossible for him to ever come back to me, but I KNOW I will never love another like I live Mac. I know that during our relationship I put Mac before God, and that this breakup may have happened to improve my relationship with God. I’m grateful for that opportunity.
However, I am so scared that this is the end. I’m scared that I will continue to feel like this while Mac loves life and 4 years of love and happiness will be for nothing. I could have sworn God wanted me to marry this man, but then why would he take him away? I know in my heart I cannot be with anyone else, but it’s been 3 months and God has not restored our relationship.
Every time I’ve tried on my own Mac has gotten angry and told me to leave him alone. I don’t know what to do. I cannot sleep or eat. And I live in constant fear. I need Gods help, but I cannot feel it at all. If someone would please give me an answer, I would be very grateful. Thank you.