Restoration of Sexuality

I am 29 years old and this testimony happened when I was 22. God has brought me to such a different place now that I almost find it difficult to believe that this was a reality for me a few years ago.

At 22 I moved to a new city for work and instantly found a house full of other Christian girls who were really welcoming. The friends were great, but work was incredibly dull and I began to feel very low.

This wasn’t particularly new for me as I had always found life a struggle emotionally since about the age of 7. I would feel incredibly lonely, like I was in a bubble, even in a room with my closest friends. On the outside, I carried on with a busy, middle class lifestyle, but inside I was full of sadness.

Bit by bit became aware that I was attracted to other girls.

I can’t really describe how it came about or how I hadn’t been aware of it before. I think its likely that I had been in deep denial for a while. I had been attracted to guys in the past, but right then, I felt paranoid that everyone could see that I was gay / different. I was scared and very alone. I have the belief that God’s Design for marriage is one man, one woman so I had the extremely tough choice… do I choose God and stay single for life, or do I follow my feelings.

Its probably worth saying that questioning your sexuality/ femininity is like nothing else. It’s the most basic part of who you are so it feels extremely disorientating.

I was paranoid about who I could talk to…. girls might be repelled by the idea and felt dangerous to me. If I talked with a guy, I might lead him on mistakenly (my fears weren’t really reflective of reality but they cut me off). I did tell a couple who led my small group, but they didn’t really know what to say, so didn’t say much which was difficult. I didn’t know if they actually believed me.

I became attracted to / obsessed with my housemate and started doing everything with her (she had no idea of my feelings). It was actually her suggestion that we go on a healing retreat. I was completely unaware that God could heal / change your sexuality so I didn’t really go for that!

When we got there, I filled out a very comprehensive checklist of anything that was in need of prayer. I was amazed to see sexuality listed, so I checked the box.

I just knew I had been healed. I don’t know if it was desperation or faith really, but I knew something had changed. I was careful with what I watched, thought, etc. but I only had a few times where I struggled with thought life. I intentionally repaired the relationship with my mum (which some say can affect) and the depression/lowness also disappeared over time.

A couple of years later I had my first boyfriend who actually broke my heart, but in a weird way I was glad that I could love a guy!! (bittersweet right?!) I’m still waiting to meet my husband, but I am confident that God will bring this incredible work that he’s done for me to completion. He really is so so good. I can totally trust Him.

Please do have compassion on anyone who is questioning their sexuality. Please don’t use this testimony to ‘throw any stones’ at anyone. God is incredibly gracious.

Sarah D.

2 Comments

  1. Guy 2/9/2019
  2. Fred 2/12/2019

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