Almost a year ago I was diagnosed with HSV2, I had all the symptoms; swollen groin and open ulcers in my vagina. I went to my local clinic and had a culture swab and a few days later I was told the devastating news that I had genital herpes. From that moment I refused this diagnosis and believed that God would heal me.
I began praying and fasting 1x a week and listening to sermons which preached believing God for healing but nothing changed, I continued to experience fortnightly outbreaks. I then began getting angry at God and started to believe that his word was a lie because I was declaring his promises over my life but my situation was the same. Even though there were many instances where for example someone would randomly tell me that God said they should pray for me or I will stumble across a prayer/testimony or scripture that spoke directly to my situation. I began to fornicate and just try and live with the herpes but in the back of my mind still hoped that God would heal me.
I stumbled across a YouTube video of a lady who fasted and received healing and I decided to do what she had done which was pray and fast everyday for a week with a dry fast on the final day. I prayed like I had never prayed before, reminding God of his promises and everyday focused on a different story of his healing in the bible. The following week after my fast had another outbreak. This was just an ongoing battle where I would have an outbreak 1x every 3 weeks or so that would last maybe 3 days; it would pray whilst I had an outbreak but when I was fine I did what I wanted.
Fast forward to this month, I had a heart to heart with God where I was like why do I not hear from you, am I talking to myself? Your word says Xyz yet you are silent. I was angry for a few days and refused to pray or read my bible again but as much as I tried to be angry and push myself away from him I couldn’t. It was I who was having pre marital sex and was living in sin, why was I angry at God. I became so depressed ( I had been from my initial diagnoses but this was worse) I was suicidal and just started telling God to take my life, praying that I wouldn’t wake up and googling whether I would go to hell if I committed suicide, I wanted to die and was ready to go!
One night on social media I kept seeing this video but I didn’t click it then maybe the 5th time I saw it I did, it was a testimony from a man with Covid19 and I began crying uncontrollably. Something then told me to open the bible app and the story of the day was about God I’d going to heal you just wait! That night I felt a crazy feeling of sleep and I just slept. The next few days I began to realise that I had to strip myself and rely on God to be my strength and get back up when I fall, rather than staying on the ground like I would do.
God began to speak to me via again stumbling across testimonies or verses where God was clearly saying that I have not forgotten you, I am coming and I accepted this. I promised to make a better effort to strip my flesh and feed my spirit (trust me when I say I am not even close to good at this let alone perfect) but I believe God saw my heart and that I genuinely wanted to live a life which prioritised him.
I began to have symptoms of an outbreak but not my normal symptoms, it was as if it was my 1st one again. I had a swollen groin and these times my ulcers were open, red and sore; I was so uncomfortable. I cried out to God in pain but instead I unconsciously started thanking God that even if he didn’t heal me he would allow me to live a life that is not impacted my diagnosis or that even if he was not going to heal me today or in a few years that it would come and I will still find love, marry and have children (I started becoming depressed that I could never have this because who would want me).
I booked an appointment at my sexual health clinic because I decided that it was time for to have suppressive treatment and because this outbreak was different and I couldn’t wait to heal alone. The clinician took one look and said that yes this is herpes (for some reason I decided not to tell her that I already had been diagnosed last year elsewhere), she took a culture swab and prescribed me treatment which began to clear up. I started praying in confidence that God you have the final say, you have the power to make the impossible possible, only you have power over my life. You have died for my sins, why should I live with the consequences of my sins, even though everything right now is telling me I have herpes right now, you can change my results at the final second even if the human mind can not comprehend this.
Guys about 30 mins ago I am on my phone and receive a text that all my results are negative. Huhhhhhhhh??!! I call them straight away and I spoke to the same lady who tested me and she was like she doesn’t know what caused what I had that it could have been thrush but there was a sample and it came back negative. I kept asking if she was sure and she understood my confusion because I HAD ALL THE SYMPTOMS but she was clear that she took 2 samples from me and my skin was raw enough to pick up if I had herpes and that a culture test is the best test to do (I know this because I have had it before).
Look at God, constantly surprising me and meeting me at the point of my need. Hold on to God, remind him of his promises to you everyday but at the same time what lesson does God want you to learn from this. Whatever what happens God has a plan for you that gives you hope and a future herpes or not !!!
