Sad woman - It didn't go very well

Abused and Confused

Hi,

My name is Suzanne. I have been married 20 years but have been with my husband 22 years. I was saved on November the 22nd. 1997. I was totally surrendered to Jesus and was free for the first time in my life. I loved every aspect of my life and loved God with all my heart, mind and soul. Then between my verbally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually abusive husband and the preacher at the church where I was going constantly telling me I was going to hell because I wore pants, I wore my wedding rings, because I cut my hair and because I couldn’t speak in the unknown tongue’s, I became angry with everyone and everything, even God. I left the church, turned away from God and started living a lifestyle that wasn’t me. I was miserable but I wanted something to fill the gap in my life that was there because of my disobedience to God.

I started working two jobs so I wouldn’t have to see my husband. I worked from 5:00 am till 10:00 pm. then it was 11:00pm when I would get home. Then I met another man. He made me feel pretty, good about myself and for once in three years I could laugh again. He was so good to me, and I wanted to start a relationship with him, but something kept holding me back and dealing with me in a strange way.

Then I lost the second job and couldn’t be around him very often. I started to be convicted of the things I was doing and had done. I cried because of the emptiness I felt inside and nothing I did would fill that empty feeling. About 6 months later I started back to church, and God let me see how I had let circumstances come in between my fellowship with Him. I longed for that more and more every day. I started praying for God to forgive me and let me feel his presence in my life again.

When I started back to church my husband started getting worse and worse saying if I didn’t go back to the way I was before, he wouldn’t let me live here anymore. I kept praying and seeking God’s face and praying that God would change my husband (he is an alcoholic) and let me again feel His presence. But He hasn’t! My husband is doing everything he can now to destroy me spiritually, and I feel like God is just letting this happen. I need help!!!! Why doesn’t God let me feel Him anymore and why does he let my husband do the awful things to me he does? I feel abused and confused! I need and want God so bad in my life again until I don’t know what else to do. Please pray for me.