Hi,
My name is Suzanne. I have been married 20 years but have been with my husband 22 years. I was saved on November the 22nd. 1997. I was totally surrendered to Jesus and was free for the first time in my life. I loved every aspect of my life and loved God with all my heart, mind and soul. Then between my verbally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually abusive husband and the preacher at the church where I was going constantly telling me I was going to hell because I wore pants, I wore my wedding rings, because I cut my hair and because I couldn’t speak in the unknown tongue’s, I became angry with everyone and everything, even God. I left the church, turned away from God and started living a lifestyle that wasn’t me. I was miserable but I wanted something to fill the gap in my life that was there because of my disobedience to God.
I started working two jobs so I wouldn’t have to see my husband. I worked from 5:00 am till 10:00 pm. then it was 11:00pm when I would get home. Then I met another man. He made me feel pretty, good about myself and for once in three years I could laugh again. He was so good to me, and I wanted to start a relationship with him, but something kept holding me back and dealing with me in a strange way.
Then I lost the second job and couldn’t be around him very often. I started to be convicted of the things I was doing and had done. I cried because of the emptiness I felt inside and nothing I did would fill that empty feeling. About 6 months later I started back to church, and God let me see how I had let circumstances come in between my fellowship with Him. I longed for that more and more every day. I started praying for God to forgive me and let me feel his presence in my life again.
When I started back to church my husband started getting worse and worse saying if I didn’t go back to the way I was before, he wouldn’t let me live here anymore. I kept praying and seeking God’s face and praying that God would change my husband (he is an alcoholic) and let me again feel His presence. But He hasn’t! My husband is doing everything he can now to destroy me spiritually, and I feel like God is just letting this happen. I need help!!!! Why doesn’t God let me feel Him anymore and why does he let my husband do the awful things to me he does? I feel abused and confused! I need and want God so bad in my life again until I don’t know what else to do. Please pray for me.
Dear Suzanne,
I can’t even pretend to understand where you are in life right now – I’m only 18.
But I do know this: you need to leave your husband.
It’s what God needs from you.
Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
I will pray that you think about this and realize that an abusive man is not a God-fearing one, and that if he is abusive, he has already broken the legal and spiritual terms of your marriage. You just need to find the strength to make it official. The Lord has not forgotten you, and if you ask, He’ll give you the strength to leave.
I love you and I’m praying for you,
Nicole
Suzanne, it sounds like there is a real spiritual battle going on over your spiritual development. As long as it is this man who makes you feel good about yourself, satan is given the lee weigh to keep using your “new man” to pull you away from finding your true identity in Christ. Don’t let your husband become or remain an idol. Jesus himself wants to be the one who makes you feel that way and the way to that path is by asking him to be the one who makes you feel good about yourself, not anyone nor anything else. Pray that God becomes just that in your life. The sole provider of a whole and healthy self identity in whom you find a strong sense of self worth as the all powerful creator and lover of Suzanne. Pray for that fervently and, over time you’ll sense the change. Be sure to avoid sin as much as possible to keep the channel with God open and apply 1st John 1:9 as needed. Finally . . . find a confidant as well to be accountable to (other than your husband and preferably a female) to pray this with and hold you accountable. God bless !!!
Nicole is wise beyond her years! Find a Women’s Crisis Center in your phone book, and when you can safely do so, call them. They will help you figure out what to do.
Dear, Suzanne
First of all, I love you in name of jesus.
When I read it, I could feel what you felt.
I understand your feeling, confused… That’s right.. why not.. However, have you ever think that why you are so confused? If there is no answer from God, you could just leave him. But now you feel confused.. Do you know why? I believe that you already knew what you should do.
You knew that GOD has loved you and You have loved GOD.
You don’t have to think that way.. GOD might be disapoint you..
Second, You do not have to give up praying. That way is what the satan wants. Our GOD hears you, be near you and
protect you. I could feel as I read what you were saying. I think taht GOD wants to you realize something in this situation. Do not stop praying and keep asking for help. Our GOD is WITH YOU.
My sister I know what you going through, you know its easy to say leave your husband, its not. The vows… till dead do us part…but sometimes you have to distance yourself, take a break, go away stay with family or friends, who knows the LORD, who will uplift you, who cares and understand, I did that, and I feel much better I take everything one day at a time, I ask GOD to take me trough the situation, you know with him,everything is possible. My husband is not drinking, but is having an affair, and he stays away from home, leaving me and my children alone, I have given it all to Jesus, and I see there is a change in his life, he is going to church, he is at home(sleep at home) I’ going to pray for you, I am born again alc.. and what I went trough GOD knows I was surpose to be dead. but I got a second change, and situation ain’t gonna take me back there, I have a surportive family and the church is far more then suportive. i’m gonna make it know in our prayer group and expact a miracle in your home. GOD bless u.
Hi Suzanne,
How are you coping ? I went through a similar thing and I am so touched by what you wrote. You can email me in person if you just want to talk ok. I went through a similiar thing and learned that God really loves me and wants you tohave the right thing for your life. Email me and I will talk more. the.edge15[at]yahoo.com
Dear Suzanne,
Jesus is with you he will not let you down,
remember the sprit of god is in you as he is victorous you are also victorous, your are not fiting the battle alone he will do it for you.
remenver jesus never fails.
God bless you
Shibu Dubai
Sister jesus our lord and savior is testing you, all this is is a step of faith, when everything seems to be going wrong it means remain strong in hte lord and trust him god does EVERYTHING for a reason he wants you to come before him never loose you faith god will touch your husband and bring him to the church with you youll see my god never fails on his promises trust in him.
I will pray 4 y0u.,.,
just continue to serve God.,.,
God bless.,.^^
Dear Sister,
Im sure “Charlyne Cares” of rejoice marriage ministries can help. Leaving your husband is not a solution to your problem. Like a post above read, it is testing time… pray for your husband, God will join his soul also to HIS beloved Church. How do i know? Im also in a test, series of tests… Praying to God that i never give up. It gets tough,.. tougher. I cry out. My King comes to rescue.
Pray for your husband’s precious soul. Jesus needs him too, just as He needs you. Dont give up on your husband, just as Jesus did NOT give up on you.
Love yu Suzanne,
Lizzie
RE: Ray Says:
January 10th, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Suzanne, it sounds like there is a real spiritual battle going on over your spiritual development. As long as it is this man who makes you feel good about yourself, satan is given the lee weigh to keep using your “new man†to pull you away from finding your true identity in Christ. Don’t let your husband become or remain an idol. Jesus himself wants to be the one who makes you feel that way and the way to that path is by asking him to be the one who makes you feel good about yourself, not anyone nor anything else. Pray that God becomes just that in your life. The sole provider of a whole and healthy self identity in whom you find a strong sense of self worth as the all powerful creator and lover of Suzanne. Pray for that fervently and, over time you’ll sense the change. Be sure to avoid sin as much as possible to keep the channel with God open and apply 1st John 1:9 as needed. Finally . . . find a confidant as well to be accountable to (other than your husband and preferably a female) to pray this with and hold you accountable. God bless !!!
Ray has offered the best solution. I divorced an abusive man and learned many of the things he listed here. God NEVER intended for you to save this man nor make him a better person. Only this man can decide that. You need to decide to get whole and free from him and not listen to his lies either that he will change. These men change alright, they get worse and studies show this to be true most all of the time. Get out before it gets way worse and believe God to help you from there.
RE: NicoleI will pray that you think about this and realize that an abusive man is not a God-fearing one, and that if he is abusive, he has already broken the legal and spiritual terms of your marriage. You just need to find the strength to make it official. The Lord has not forgotten you, and if you ask, He’ll give you the strength to leave.
I love you and I’m praying for you,
Nicole
This lady is also right. Your inner detection system has been destroyed in abuse and magical thinking will have you and many others telling you that the Lord is testing you and that if you do more and more and be more and more this man will come around. NO HE WILL NOT. Anything else is a lie! You need to find the strength and I know this is very very hard to pick yourself up and get out of this relationship and not into another relationship but one with yourself so you can find out how you really feel about this man and things again. Do it for you! The Lord will help you and you are worth it, not this man, you are worth this for yourself. Do it and believe.
Suzzane dear
I would say you pray to God. Tell him sorry and ask Him to show you the way. Trust God fully. Surrender fully to God.
God will tell you what need be done. And what step is to be taken. Don’t rely on human advices this time. Listen to God, God only.
He is mighty. He will answer you.
Love,Minnie
You do not have to put up with abuse, and the church you went to sounds awful, so ask the Lord to lead you to a loving understanding fellowship, and if you can leave your husband.
Hie dear,
i just want to tell to hang in there!! Pray to God, believing in him to restore your marriage. Dont leave your husband unless God says so.And when God speaks you will know its him. Divorce is not of God.
Linda
THE QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN DELIBERATING DIVORCE(WITH BIBLE VERSES TO BACK MY DISCOVERIES WHILE TRYING TO HELP IN THIS CASE…IM NOT AN EXPERT BUT HOPE YOU FIND GRACE, I BELIEVE WE ARE ALL LEARNING)
1. DID GOD JOIN YOU TOGETHER? “consequently they are no longer TWO, but ONE FLESH. WHAT therefore GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE.”(MATTHEW 19:3-12)
2. IS THERE IMMORALITY? “AND I SAY TO YOU, WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE, EXCEPT FOR IMMORALITY, AND MARRIES ANOTHER WOMAN COMMITS ADULTERY.” THE DISCIPLES SAID TO HIM, ” (MATTHEW 19:3-12)
PLEASE READ THE BIBLE FOR YOURSELF AND ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO INTERPRETE THE MEANING OF THIS WORDS TO YOU, I PRAY IN JESUS CHRIST NAME THAT YOU WILL BE SAVED/HAVE BEEN SAVED.
in addition to the above questions (THE QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN DELIBERATING DIVORCE)I felt lead to tell you to look at your own situation examine your heart and make sure that you have forgiven and confessed all your sins to God so he can forgive us(the Lords prayer says “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who tresspass against usâ€) so your prayers will be answered, the moment I forgave my enemies my prayers were been answered….however man has freewill if your life is in danger then ill suggest you find a shelter.
that been said only ?God and knows your heart and you know your heart. you cant hide anything from him… please open up to him….
The Bible is silent on the issue of marital abuse as a reason for divorce, although it is obvious that God despises the mistreatment of wives by their husbands (Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25-33). Abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should have to live in an abusive environment, whether it involves a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical abuse is against the law, and the authorities should be the first ones contacted if this occurs
please see this for what the bible says for marriage and divorce:
(www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-marriageinformationandadvice/bibleandchristiandivorce01-committoyourmarriage.php)
Fully give yourself over to God , He will sort things out for you.