A Girl Who I Once Knew

This girl was born with a 50% chance of being in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. She beat the odds by only having a 50% paralysis on her whole left side. At the age of 5 she was held hostage in her elementary school by a 5th grader. She remembers the 5th grader telling her she would never see her mom again.

At the age of 11 years old, this girl was sexually assaulted by her one and only biological sister. At the age of 13 years old, this girl started getting severely abused (emotionally, verbally and mentally, including malnourished) by her biological mom.

When this teenager turned 15 years old her mom’s malnourishment turned into a dangerously severe case of Anorexia (the deadliest eating disorder in America. The ratio of a full recovery is only 1 out of 4 people). Two days before this teenager’s birthday, her biological mom sat her down on the sofa and told her face to face that she was mentally retarded.

After hearing those words, the foundation of her life shattered to pure asphalt. She no longer wanted life, she wanted the opposite. She no longer wanted to fight. She fell into the deepest depression you could ever imagine. She felt ugly and she believed that she was ugly. Her biological mom gave her the nickname “Biggest”.

When this teenager turned 21 years old, not only did she not know what the true definition of love was, she did even have a speck of what it felt like. She started reaching out for love in all of the directions. She hung out with drug dealers. She started getting high every night, thinking that would cure the pain, but it didn’t. She started stealing.

After she got off work at night, she would park her car three miles away from her biological family’s house and she would watch for shooting stars. For every shooting start she saw, it would provide her with Hope and Courage. She would consider those shooting stars a sign from the Heavenly Father.

When this young lady turned 28 years old, she ended up on the thinnest thread of death in a spaghetti state on her death bed for one month in the hospital. The first week she was in hospital she had a mindset that the nurses were out in the nurses station planning her funeral. She also had a mindset she would never walk out of the hospital alive and that she would be carried out in a black body bag.

This young lady was SO angry at the Heavenly Father for not protecting her and keeping her safe. She stopped believing in Him completely. She wanted nothing to do with Him in the hospital. She did not want to even hear His name. She stopped reading the bible and praying. She was extremely weak physically, emotionally and mentally. She needed 24-hour assistance. She had to use a walker to with assistance. She did not want life, she wanted to die, to get rid of the pain.

The second week in the hospital, she just could feel it was a matter of time, before she took her last breath. She started making her “Final Goodbye” video calls. The first call she made was to her dad. She had the whole goodbye conversation on the tip of her tongue, however when he picked up, she could not release that conversation. She carried on the conversation as a regular general conversation.

At the end of the two weeks, she begged and begged the hospital doctor to dismiss her, therefore if she was going to pass away, she wanted to pass away in her own bed without anyone surrounding her (including Our Heavenly Father). She was still dangerously very weak and was still in a spaghetti state, however she did not care. The doctor did dismiss her against his better judgement.

A couple of nights later this young lady, decided to give the Heavenly Father one last chance to prove that He is Life, Hope and Love. She took her walker and scooted over to the edge of her bed and prayed this prayer. She prayed,

“Heavenly Father, if it is in your WILL to take me now. I will freely go. If it is not in your WILL to take me now, I pray this one request. I pray I can leave a legacy of surviving 13 years straight with the deadliest eating disorder in America. In your precious name I pray. Amen”.

This young lady said amen at 7:00pm. Unfortunately, she ended up back in the hospital for another two weeks. This time she wanted the total opposite. She had faith, determination and strength. She believed in the Heavenly Father. She felt Him by her side. She wanted visitors. She wanted recovery.

This young lady’s courage was destroyed in one hour. Her perseverance was shattered by one action. Her strength was crushed by one word. Her Faith was demolished by one shooting star. Her Hope was engulfed by sinking sand.

Now she soars as an eagle in the wide-open skies.

This is me.