Hi, my name is Lexxis Barber and this is my story
I was born October 8th 1996 I am from Niagara Falls New York, growing up was a roller coaster. When I was little something happened to me by a family member, it changed my life. I never understood it because I was so young but I remember what happened like it was yesterday. When I was getting to a certain age, my family started to get separated and we all fought and argued. My family turned to drugs, and I was token from my mom and everything fell apart. When I went back with my mom life had gotten easier.
When I started middle school, someone very important to me passed away. He was my soon to be step dad, also my best friend. I loved him so much and I was supposed to go see him but the night before he passed away. I remember that night like it happened yesterday. It was November 14, 2008 , the doctor said he would be fine and everyone can go home. We were all home playing video games and the next day I was supposed to be visiting the hospital but at 11:08 the doctor called saying he didn’t make it. It was the worst night ever. After that my mom and I fought more than usual.
I was at my friend’s house and decided to start smoking cigarettes. I was only in 6th grade, and then I was excused from my school because I lived out of district. When I went to my new school I had gotten into physical fights, verbal fights. When I was in 7th grade I started drinking. During my 8th grade year I kept getting suspended because the fights between my mom were getting worse and I took my anger on other people. it was my second suspension in October I was kicked out / moved out of my moms and lived with my dad.
During 8th grade, I smoked cigarettes, drank, and smoked weed. My dad and I would smoke and drink together, and gamble. That year I was kicked out of school and put in to an alternative school. the school said they drug tested and the only thing my dad said was I guess you can’t smoke weed with me. Well living with my dad I never seen him sober, I was never sober until that day and he was saying these things a father shouldn’t say to his daughter. He emotionally abused me the whole year until graduation.
I became suicidal and started cutting/thinking about committing and tried to before. He didn’t show up to my 8th grade graduation because he had ‘work’. So before my graduation I went to his house and left, with all my stuff. I moved back into my momma’s house. Then my mom said we’re moving to Texas.
When we moved down here, I didn’t know what to expect; she said it was a new start. I didn’t believe it. I gotten even worse and gotten drunk and smoked before school. When I was drunk it felt amazing like all my problems went away. My dad hurt me so bad that if someone said something I didn’t like I would cuss them out, and I had that attitude were I didn’t care. During 9th grade year I tried stopping everything but I couldn’t I start popping pills, just hydro’s.
In 9th grade I became truant and went to court. I smoked weed 2 weeks before court and they drug tested me. I didn’t know how I did it but I passed. My mom knew I smoked and drank but she didn’t know I did it every day. When I was truant I had to go to community service, I would smoke (cigs) in the bathroom. that year just kept getting worse and worse and I never realized how many people tried helping me, until one day my teacher slammed my foot in the door on purpose and I started flipping out on her, and went to class. And asked to talk to the dean, my dean calmed me down and told me to write what happened. I wasn’t in trouble or anything even though I swore because the teacher had no right.
Then during summertime I went to left camp. WOW, amazing. I thought I was saved already but turns out I was just insured. On Jul 10, 2012 I remember Zane talking about Christ and I was thinking a lot that night, then pastor Dan came on stage and said if you need to be saved tonight walk on stage, I started moving and Mrs. Kim came and grabbed me.
That night I accepted Christ, it was the best night of my life, and everyone hugged me and my whole church grouped huge. It was like everything was better. I haven’t smoked or drank or done drugs since then, and I made a promise to God that I would never do anything like that again! I get tempted every day.
And when I got home, I was baptized. I gotten to share my story at church and this one man wanted to share it in Oklahoma, it was an honor. my friend was also saved the night I shared my story, but something happened the night before I shared my story that put even more of an impact on life my friend committed suicide, and it made me realize that would be me if I wasn’t saved.
I’m now in 10th grade and I did a lot of horrible things this year, that i’m not proud of but we all go back to our past sometimes. No, I didn’t drink or smoke, I sold drugs to pay my friend back. I figured it was okay but the guilt kepy getting to me so I told Mrs. Kim and my youth pastor, we sat down with my mom and talked about it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, then I was also kicked out of school for a threat toward a staff member, put in an alternative school, and became truant again.
So I left the alternative school and attend another school that will get me to graduate sooner. This coming up October when I turn 17 I’m going into the Air Force. I and I tell myself I screwed up a lot but for some reason God is having everything fall into place. my life still has twists and turns and I still get mad over something and sometimes I think about suicide but I ask God to take the thoughts. It’s been 7 months of being clean and it’s only because I pray when I’m tempted.
Well that’s my story and I hope it inspires some people and shows people Christ is there through anything. (: