So this is the first proper attempt at a salvation testimony.
First off, I’m a wicked sinner and do not deserve in any way, shape or form to be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ. I was raised as a Roman Catholic in my family; my Mum would take me and my siblings to church every sunday. I did enjoy certain stories told of the bible in some of the masses, but truth be told, I found going there pretty lifeless and dull. Boring in other words. I actually felt quite lethargic there and depressed most of the time coming and going. I think there’s an obvious spiritual reason for that. But I won’t digress into that.
I think I did believe back then, or was open to believing. But I was mostly of the world in the secular mindset of looking at Christianity as just another religion. I considered myself agnostic in high school or said I was at least. Anyway there were several factors to waking me up that I think was God calling me.
- The first was experiencing a paranormal event in my bedroom while conscious which freaked me out.
- The second (as I at least like to consider it) was seeing the true nature of unidentified flying objects. That turns your whole world around.
- And the third was actually seeing various Hell testimonies on the internet.
The three aforementioned served to wake me up and realise you can’t just go through life carelessly and aimlessly with no real purpose or understanding of the world and existence.
So of course as the year went on from seeing the hell testimonies I did pray and call out to the Lord and made a start of ceasing certain sins towards the last quarter of that year. To be honest I would think the more positive message of who the Lord Jesus Christ is and what he is truly about was obviously a more powerful message then simply seeing Hell testimonies and other dark stuff.
For one the testimonies seen of ex-Satanists and many other wicked people and how the Lord saved them really shows the incredible depth of His love and forgiveness. Seeing the love God has for wicked people and all the sins He paid for us on the Cross.
So I was watching some dark stuff of the world put on the internet and struggling with some problems at home that night. Earlier in the day I had felt like I was close to madness. So I decided to go to bed much earlier then my standards then usual to escape it all.
I had prayed repeatedly before hand, but I think the Lord Jesus Christ properly came into my life that night when I went to bed. I felt relieved and at peace with His presense settling me down from the disturbed day I had gone through. I think it’s more or less true that if you believe in God, and His Son your saved from that point on. But I’m not certain on that myself. I do think you have to pray, and repent and give your life in addition. I feel like there could of been times were I was called beforehand but it doesn’t matter now I guess.
Anyway I’ve had some serious problems the Lord has freed me from. I would have a serious sexual problem with masturbation. A lot of the time I’d want to do it. A good half or more of the time it held me in bondage. It just wouldn’t stop. And I did want to stop it for good. But it controlled me. I could not control it-the problem.
It got worse and worse, and worse through my early teen years to the point that it was close to chronic masturbation. I would try and stop it years prior through my own will permanently. I’d go weeks without doing it at best. I think I even managed a month or two in one year, but no more then that.
Anyway, Praise the Lord. It stopped this year. After 21 years (add or take away) of masturbation that got worse, and worse and worse, the Lord Jesus Christ has saved me from it. And I’m happy to say I no longer masturbate. At all. It actually stopped the night of my birthday/Saturday morning this year. So that was the icing on the cake there.
I had actually messed up the end of the day on the Friday night. And the failure complex was coming back to hurt me. But God shows he’s stronger then failure and doesn’t give up on someone. I had seen other people’s testimonies on how they were ex-masturbators and I recall them saying it isn’t easy to stop. I just thought at the time it seems impossible to achieve that status. Well, it is. If your relying on yourself to stop it. Because once again with God all things are possible. So if anyone here is struggling with masturbation themselves and feels they can never stop it and are held captive by it: call on the Lord to help you and He will. I’m proof that anyone suffering with it can be delivered from it. I was that bad with it.
Areas of unforgiveness I had and still have from time to time, the Lord has given me wisdom and understanding and a forgiving heart. I think Part of forgiving someone or a group is just forgetting what the person has done to you and letting go of the hate. In addition to Forgetting the actual memory and moving on and no longer thinking about it. Plus then not holding on to hate for that person. And in many cases I’ve been shown how stupid it is to cling on to hate and unforgiveness for pointless irrational reasons.
In addition as I’ve said in past posts the Lord has helped and is continuing to help me against fear and anxiety problems. I’ve managed take a train by myself out of town to go into a populated healing retreat building, to walk into a crowded church by myself, go into supermarket stores, into crowded places in town, and actually talk with people. And ALL the Praise and Glory with me being able to do these things goes of course to the Lord. Because He has been with me through all of them and has made it much easier for me to do them the more often I do them. I also had big issues in the past of being overly offended and bitter with someone if they insulted me over the internet and even real life situations.
Now for the most part, I barely even care if people over the internet say some nasty stuff or even in real life. And if I do it’s not for long. Which isn’t how I used to be-believe me. It’s amazing. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for not only what he has done for me on the Cross, but for my changed life. When I look back at my sin like masturbation, I’m sickened with it, and also can’t believe the stuff I was doing. But also amazed looking back at it from where I am now from it. Glory be to the Lord Jesus Christ for a changed life.
Pt2 will be posted at a future point.