I was molested at the age of 6 years old, by my grandfather, growing up on the west side of Chicago. I remember laying across the bed, while this 7-foot man performed sodomy on me. I didn’t understand what he was doing, but when he finished, as a little girl, I could barely walk.
My father and mother at times, would have company over for drinks, not knowing that I was being sexually abused, upstairs. One day, as my mother was leaving the house and my father and grandfather, and other people were sitting around the table, drinking. I remember grabbing my mom around her leg, as she was leaving, as to say, please don’t leave me!
My mother looks down at me. The first thing that came out of her mouth was
“Did your father touch you?”
I nodded my head as to say no, then she asked,
“Did your grandfather touch you?”
And I nodded my head yes! I don’t know if my mother ever dealt with it, at that time, but she never left me alone again. Whenever, she would leave the house, she always took me with her, never to leave me again, around my grandfather. I found myself when I got much older, asking my mom, why didn’t she ever, tell my father about the sexual abuse of what my grandfather had done to me. And her response was
“If I had told your father, he would have killed your grandfather.”
And at this time, back in the early 60’s, being molested from a family member, was not dealt with but swept under the rug.
As I got older, I began hanging out with my friends, and got pregnant at the age of sixteen, and my mom, was babysitting for me to return to school and finish. However, I got pregnant again, the very next year, and my mom, said,
“Well, you just have to dropped out of school, because, I am not keeping two babies.”
So, before the age of twenty, I had three children and was on Public Assistance.
I soon, moved out of my mother’s house and got my own apartment. I began to allow men in my apartment over my children, to get high, or shoot dice. I was still very young and foolish. I began to ask my niece to babysit and run the streets with my friends, partying, smoking marijuana, cigarettes, dropping pills, drinking alcohol. I became very whorish in life, with different men. I was looking to suppress all of the pain in my life and things that I had been through.
There were times that I just wanted to be loved, not talking about sex, because sex is “NOT LOVE” I just wanted someone to love me for me, not my body, hair, looks, but just me! Sometimes, I would wake up through the night, or that morning, with a wet pillow, from shedding tears. In those tears were pain, resentment, hurt, unloved, rejection, outcast and so many other things. There were times, when I did NOT! Want to live or see another day. But I didn’t know that the Lord had a plan for my life, at this time.
So many times I came close to death, the Devil tried to kill me. However, I didn’t realized until later, that The Lord’s hand was on my life. I continued to run the streets, looking for love, and committing fornication, masturbation, and oral sex and so many other things, that was not pleasing to God.
I was pulled in an alley and almost raped, until a friend, heard me scream and the guy let me go and ran. Another time, I had a 357 Magnum gun, pulled to my head, and the guy, told me to leave his girlfriend’s house, because, we had men in there, while he was at work, and came home and caught us.
Then another time, I was invited by a girlfriend, to her birthday house party, whom I met some years prior, in a mental institution, when I had a nervous breakdown, when my ex-husband left me years before that, to go and start another family, for no reason. I was faithful to him, I was more like a home, housewife. I had stopped running the streets and gave myself to him and my children.
However, at the party, I began to tell my friend, the things that I was facing in my marriage, when all of a sudden, her husband, pulled a butcher knife on me. He thought that I was talking about him to her. When I left after that terrible experience, I never heard from her again. Then I found out later that he was the very reason for her going in and out of the mental institution.
Fast forward, after my marriage was over, I started running in the streets, again, wondering, what did I do wrong! Why was my life so bad? Why was I going through so much and facing terrible situations in my life. A couple of years later, I moved out from The Projects, the “high rise” and next door to my mother, still living in “The Village” as we call it, to this very day.
I was a miserable woman, with so much pain. Some of my friend’s would say to me, Diane! God wants to save you and give you a new life. But I did NOT! Want to hear that and I was still going to church, just being religious. I NEVER! heard the Pastor, mention, the word fornication, or masturbation or partying, drinking alcohol or things that are mentioned in (KJV- I Cor. 6:9-10, or Gal. 5:19-21) were NOT! Pleasing to Jehovah God. I was just going to a religious assembly, and the Pastor, never, preached The Truth of God’s Word.
Jesus said (Jn. 8:32;36)
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
However, the Pastor talked about the blessings of God, but, NOT! The sins, that God hates. Because, I have come to learned if a Pastor, really love his flock (people) and wants to help keep them out of hell, he will tell them the truth! even if it hurts. Because, Every Pastor, who is over a flock of people, will give an account to God, one day, for speaking and preaching the Truth of His Word (Isa. 58:1).
As I continued to fornicate, masturbate, and engaging in oral sex, dropping pills, partying, and so many other things. The Lord allowed the enemy to move against me when someone, broke into my house, December 30, 1985, around 4:00 a.m. in the morning.
I was stabbed 4 times with a butcher knife, when the man tried to rape me, and I refused. A neighbor heard my scream, as I panicked and ran next door to my mother’s house, losing so much blood. I didn’t realize that he had puncture an artery, and I was bleeding to death. When my mom, and her boyfriend, open the door, I collapse on the floor. The ambulance was called, because they were afraid to move me, fearing that more damage could be made.
When I made it to the hospital, it was just like, I was the only patient, there. The doctors, worked on me, putting tubes in me and giving me blood transfusions. I was slowly dying. BUT GOD! WHO IS RICH IN MERCY! The doctor said that I could never smoke cigarettes again, because, of a puncture lung. I was alive and that’s what matter to me.
Now that I think about it, while I was at home in bed, being stabbed, my boyfriend was out with another woman. In which, I found out later. Spring forward a year later, he continued to see, the same woman and I put him out. Moreover, I was afraid of going to sleep, living alone, thinking that the guy would come back and kill me because he was never caught. I couldn’t remember what he looked like because the room was dark when he came in on me.
One day as I sat upon my bed, crying, because, I had found out that another guy who I was with was messing around on me. I was just tired! Tired of everything that was going wrong in my life. And as I sat upon my bed, I opened my mouth and said,
“Lord! I am tired! I am tired of the men, the masturbation, the oral sex, the parties, the drugs, the alcohol, the pill dropping! Lord please help me!”
And that very same week, The Lord, sent, one of His saints to me to tell me about the Lord Jesus Christ and how much He loves me and died for my sins. I accepted Jehovah God and His Son, Jesus Christ, into my life, and He gave me the power to stop fornicating, masturbating and committing oral sex. He gave me power to stop going to parties and dropping pills. I felt His peace and love in my life. I was no more afraid to go to sleep in the dark or being alone at night because I knew that the Lord was my shield and Protector.
He didn’t just save me, He delivered me completely. He kept me for 31 years with no sex or masturbation, etc. I gave myself to the ministry, going to different prisons, sharing the gospel of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I stayed busy for the Lord. I couldn’t believe that I was completely set free, from practicing sin.
At times the devil, tried to get me to go back or mess up in those sexual things, as before, but I would always fall to my knees and ask God for strength. And when I got up from prayer, it felt like a weight was lifted off of me. After the Lord, had proven me all those years through my ministry, He ordained me as an Evangelist to go carry His Word. (After all those, years of living single, (31) years with NO MAN! The Lord blessed me to get married, July 21, 2018, to a man of God, who is an Elder, a Holiness Preacher who loves God first and preaches God’s Word in The Power of The Holy Ghost. This man, God gave me, treats me like a queen, a woman of God. He respects me and at times even spoils me. The Lord Saved me, April 12, 1987, and here today, November 13, 2022, it’s been a total of (35) years living for the Lord.
Now I am working in the ministry with my husband. We both travel, as The Lord leads us to go and preach, the gospel of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ and deliverance, NOT Religion where, a person can continue to live and do what they want to do. But God has called my husband and I to preached True Holiness and Sanctification (Eph. 4:24/I Thess. 4:3;7). He told us to preach His Word! Because, there are so many people out in the world today who want to be set free, but so many Pastors will NOT tell them the truth. Because all they want is the people’s money and care NOTHING about their soul, Jehovah God calls them “Dumb Dogs/Greedy Dogs” (KJV-Isa. 56:10-11).
Well, here is my testimony of God’s mercy on my life and giving me another chance because so many of my friends are dead today. But, I am still here. Thanks, be to God! Now, I am in school, and I have two more GED Tests to complete, then off to college for Elementary Education. God is so good to me. He has really brought me a long, long way. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER forget what the Lord has done for me and how He has changed my life for the better.