Really Struggling Right Now

I am 36, father of 4, married 8.5 years.

I am really struggling with bills/work/feelings of worth/doubts. I need to confess and ask for your prayers.

I recently spoke with a pastor who does deliverances and he helped me confess a lot of sins. Like mistrusting Jesus, confusion, fear of man, etc. I feel cleaner then I have felt in a long time. And am regularly praying for God’s will. I feel humble and grateful.

I struggle with paying my bills. I dont know why. I work. But what I make is not enough. Sometimes, I have these overwhelming feelings that causes me to get angry with God and lose hope. I hate these moments. Maybe that is when I eat snacks to cover the pain. Sugar snacks.

I am just now being healed from the pain of my parents divorce when I was 6.

I was saved by the grace of God when I was a rebellious 16 yr old.

When I was 19, my dad died. I slipped into a deep state. Depressed, suicidal, and had sex with random people to hide my pain. I got herpes. I went into a darker place.
Yet, God was with me. Having mercy on me.

When I was 23, I did not want that darkness anymore and simply prayed for healing. I prayed to confess it to a friend. God provided two friends. And after a worship concert at my church, he told me to seek a pastor’s prayer and i would be healed. i did and have never looked back.

Now, as a family man, I have tried to provide with my own strength and I am really struggling. I eat sugar when I am feeling low. But, it really doesn’t help. It gratifies me for a bit.

One of the things I needed to confess to that pastor was being performance based. I am really looking for God’s grace right now. Not trying to do anything on my own strength but pray for his will and ask for his grace.

I feel the Holy Spirit say to me occasionally, I am calling you. I like that. But I do not really know how to respond. I want to be used by God. However, right now I look at my life with all my bills and it seems really bad. I ask for you help in prayer. Thanks

10 Comments

  1. Emory 1/15/2017
    • Tom Sprague 1/21/2017
  2. Jesuswillprovide 1/18/2017
    • Christian 1/21/2017
  3. Amanda 1/21/2017
  4. Mitzi 1/21/2017
  5. Dave 1/21/2017
  6. Angel Hart 1/21/2017
  7. Angel Hart 1/21/2017
  8. Rhonda 1/24/2017

Leave a Reply