I had just finished my senior year in high school. That meant that it was time to get into various activities with my friends and whatnot not knowing that one action was about to alter my entire life.
During those long summer days, I would stay up all night and sleep all day, nocturnal. So, one Sunday morning my mom went out to church, and I snuck a girl over the house while my mom was out praising God. Something I wish to this day I would have done that morning. But anyway, I let a girl come over and one thing led to another, and we eventually had sex.
A few days later my conscience started bothering me. I felt incredibly bad for what I did but that wasn’t the only reason I was feeling that way. Thoughts of being a soon to be father started to creep into my mind and as the days passed those thoughts grew louder. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even function because I’m thinking about how I’m going to afford a child when I can’t even buy myself a new pair of sneakers.
Exactly 2 weeks later my mom and I went to church. Let me give you a background check for my mom. She is a praying woman who has a very strong relationship with God. Days after my little incident she could see something was up with me. I wasn’t being that fun loving person who she had raised for 18 years.
So, she came into my room in the middle of the night to tell me about a vision that she had that God showed her. In that vision she saw my brother holding a baby with a blue shirt. That scared me out of my mind. How in the world did my mom know what was happening without anybody telling her? She grabbed my knee softly and told me that no matter what I did, she would always love me 110%. I brushed it off but by that time I was shaking in my sleep.
So that Sunday we went to church and my mom sat with all of her friends but I sat in the very back of the church. While church was going on I just bust out in tears because I couldn’t live with myself and the sin that I committed, and I was so afraid. I walked outside the church and sat on the edge of the sidewalk crying my eyes out like the little kid I was. This woman named Ms. Anita who I had never seen before came outside and sat with me and asked why I was feeling so down.
At first, I didn’t want to tell her because it would have been too embarrassing, but nothing was as embarrassing as crying like a little kid on front of a grown woman. So, I ended up telling her what had happened and how I felt like I had let everybody down because honestly I did. And I let myself down.
After about 5 or so minutes here comes my mom, and she sits next to me and she holds me in her arms. I clinch up because I’m crying that hard. And before I could even start to tell my mom what happened she told me
“Son, God already told me. I already know”
That made me cry even harder because I know how hurt my mom felt that I did what I did. My mom and Ms. Anita told me the only way to know for sure is to take a pregnancy test. So, the day after she took a test and the results came back NEGATIVE. But for some reason I didn’t feel like it really was. I felt like we had tested too early because it had only been 15 days since we had sex.
So, you waited a couple of weeks, and I can’t begin to tell you how hard those weeks were not really knowing whether or not you’re going to be a parent. But during those weeks I sort of free closer to God. I started changing my lifestyle because I was serious in showing God that I was willing to change. I started reading my bible more, changing my attitude, and even started having better characteristics in my life. It was such a scary feeling I must say when I thought about being a parent.
So exactly four weeks later I’m sitting in the church parking lot when I get a phone call. It was Ms. Anita and she was asking me if I was going to the teen church because she wanted to see me. Usually, I wouldn’t go the teen church because the main church was really giving me the Word that I needed.
But me being the person who hates saying no told her I was going to be at the teen church. And I’m glad I did! The pastor talked about Naaman and how he was cured of his skin disease by faith even though it didn’t make sense for him to dip in the water seven times. The pastor started talking about how God has the situation under control and how everything is going to be alright. It was like he was talking to me!
As the sermon ended, he asked if anybody needed help with their situation to come to the altar. Usually, I would sit back and watch people go up there but not that day. I really needed help and couldn’t handle the stress anymore.
I went up there and people prayed for me. As a few minutes went by I felt myself sobbing in up there. This unknown elder lady just held me and told me that it was the Holy Spirit that I was feeling. I kept saying that I made a mistake, and I wasn’t perfect and how sorry I was. She just kept saying “God has your situation handled” and “he knows you aren’t perfect but his mercy and grace”.
I left church that day and told my mom all about what happened, except for the crying part. She was moved and said that it was all God. He had heard my prayers after all! But one thing still had to be done. The second pregnancy test.
It had been exactly 42 days since we had sex and this test was going to determine the rest of my life. She took the test and another NEGATIVE. I couldn’t have been happier. I ran in my mom’s room and hugged her with everything I had and just said “He answered my prayers! He heard me all along!”
Now I’m telling you this because I want you to get this. We serve a God of miracles. All those times you spent crying out to God had been heard by Him. I know sometimes it feels like He isn’t there, but He is. You just have to maintain faith. I know that it’s easier said than done but take me.
I didn’t deserve that but by Gods mercy and grace I am able to go to college and pursue my degree childless. I couldn’t be happier. Pray. Pray. Pray. God is listening. I’m living proof.