I have read many of the testimonies on here and found them very encouraging. I have been going through a tough time myself and was wondering if anyone could offer some advice.
Well, my main problem is that every day I am depressed, I just lay in bed most of the day and stay inside. There are days I don’t even go outside or only talk to one person. I cry pretty much every night. I feel like I have wasted so much of my time doing this; it has been going on for like 4 years. I feel so bitter, like God has given me the cup of bitterness. I’ve been a believer since I was about 10 but didn’t get serious about following God until Oct. 2010 (I’m now 21) when I hit rock bottom and didn’t like the way my life was going.
I have experienced some healing where others pray for me and I start wailing loudly and it feels like bitterness and pain has left my body but it seems like there is still A LOT of it left. Another thing is I always feel SO ASHAMED AND REJECTED, like these traits have attached themselves to me. I haven’t been able to make friends at college and I’m already about to graduate; this makes me feel like a failure and pathetic. I get anxious and fearful A LOT and when I feel like I don’t know how to solve a problem, I will turn to food and eat a lot and/or waste my time on the internet or watching TV.
It seems like everything is wrong with me. I don’t want to feel like the victim but I just feel so powerless to change my situation and am so angry that God has not done more; it seems he has forgotten about me or I think
“what I have I done to deserve this?”
I’m not suicidal but it’s like I don’t want to live anymore or I just want to give up reading the bible but I don’t want to go back to my old habits that made me feel even worse. Could you please pray for me that God would wash my mind and brain, everything clean and take away all my shame, rejection, sadness, pain, anger, and bitterness? I just want to be at peace and at rest. If you have any advice, I would also appreciate it.