HI! I have an Aunt who was in a very serious car accident in September 2009. She was in hospital for months and months then to a rehab.
She is a very special Aunt to me. She lives in a State I simply love as well. When she was in rehab I was asked if I would be willing to come help her, come help her get through therapy and out of the nursing home and back to home.
I thought a lot about it and thought I could do it. So I gave up all that I had, moved my 18 yr old son in with his sister and moved here to help. While she was in the nursing home it was ok…it was a lot of work going in and encouraging her through her therapy. She was resistant and I think she had grown to accept where she was and her condition.
But she made it through, and they discharged her to home. She still couldn’t walk on her own and had a lot of problems, but I thought home would be best for her. so did her family.
We got her home. She has a husband and 3 grown kids. While in the nursing home the kids did not visit her very often at all. The husband did what he had to do as far as visiting. About an hour and a half each evening even n the weekends. I could understand why she was depressed and accepted where she was…
But anyways, I got her home. At first, she wouldn’t eat very good and all she wanted to do was sleep. I gave her a week to adjust. She is not the strong driven woman she used to be and that is hard to get use to as well. She never says please get me …she just says give me a drink of water.
Her hubby, my Uncle, has been at times a little mean to me and they do not pay me anything for being here and helping. At first, I was doing it 24/7 but then told them I could not do it that much that I needed help on the weekends. So her hubby would help a little.
As an example, a friend of mine came to visit me and this was before she was discharged from hospital. When my Aunt heard my friend was here for a visit, she got all sad and I asked what was wrong. She said now that he is here, he will talk you into going back home and I will never get out of here.
I told her that was not true, not even a worry. Later my Uncle went to see her and when he got home, I asked how she was, and he got mean. He said not very good….I said WHY He said she was upset that my friend was here. I asked my Uncle if he had reassured her that I was here and I was staying. and his exact words were NO I told her she was dumb to rely on you. That she should never have gotten her heart set on me staying and helping her. HE said she let you down once and I will do it again. He said I was nothing but butterfly.!! I cried. I went back to the nursing home and assured her again that he was just visiting and that was all. When he left, she was relieved but my Uncle never even bothered to apologize.
Taking care of her here at home is a full-time job. She needs help eating, going to the bathroom taking a shower, etc. Then her daughter asked me if I would start watching her 5-year-old son. I told her no. I said I cannot do both and I do not like to babysit and do not want to do it. I think I was doing enough for them already.
I do all the care of my Aunt, keep the house cleaned, cook supper, do laundry, etc. When I told my Aunt and Uncle I would not be babysitting they actually got mad. My Aunt said “well I just hate to see her have to pay someone to watch him.” But I said as nice as I could I am sorry but I just cannot do both, I have my hands full enough with taking care of you. But even after telling them her daughter continually tries to get me to watch the kid.
Since she has been home, which has only been 3 wks. She has had to be hospitalized twice. First time was heart issues, she was in A Fib and not feeling well, etc. While she was in the hospital, I took the time to go back home and visit my family. I also had a ver important drs appointment with my specialist so I figured I would go and do that and then visit a few days. I let them all know and told them I would be back on Sunday.
Well she got discharged early and Thursday night my cousin, her daughter started texting me asking me if I could be home the next morning. I told her no…I said I was told that they could handle it and I would be bacck Sunday. Well she got mad because thiss meant she would have to help take care of her mom for a day or two. she started texting me and being quite mean and rude. I had enough and came back early Saturday morning. I was not happy.
when I got back I was giving my Aunt a shower because no one else had bothered to give her one and I felt something hard on the back of her neck so i looked and shockingly there was a screw tangled in her haair. When I looked closer I could see that one of her incisions from surgery had split open and a screw that they had placed in her neck had come out and one was hanging out. I was mortified. So she had to be readmitted and have surgery to get it cleaned, etc. she is still having heart issues and is still in hospital. I have been to the hospital which is over an hour a way every day. today I spent all day there, 12 hours. Her daughter has gone once for about an hour and both her sons have gone once.
Now that she is getting ready to be discharged I am realizing that I cannot do this. I cannot keep taking care of her. I miss my family back home. I do not like the way they treat me and take advantage of me and to be perfectly honest….I do not think I am qualified to give her the help she needs. I think she needs a ccertified Aide or even a nurse to take care of her properly. And I am even wondering if she should be placed back in the nursing home for more rehab because I am worried, we got her out too soon.
now if I tell her family this, they will hate me and tell me to get out. I will no longer be welcome here and I am sure they will make me leave on the spot.
I do not know what to do. I do not want to be here. I do not think I should be taking care of her, and I do not think I am qualified enough to take care of her. I don’t know what to do…I am lost. I want out and I have no clue what to do …. I know this time when she comes home from hospital, she is going to need even more care and I just cannot do it….what should I do? I need God’s guidance now more than ever!! PLEASE PLEASE ANY ADVICE, PRAYERS..ANYTHING!! Will be so so appreciated!! THANKS