I couldn’t go on about my life without writing a testimony and telling God’s glory. Here I go…
First and foremost I want to start off by saying while going through this painful process, probably mentally the darkest season of my life I read a lot of doubters comments when I looked up this topic. Especially people infected saying:
“It is what it is. No cure. Deal with it like we all do.”
And clearly carry all this weight of bitterness towards the person who infected them. Terrible. Look… I’m a fighter. I wasn’t accepting that this diagnosis would be “my story”. The quality of my life wasn’t about to be shadowed with this “in curable disease” with the embarrassing stigma on top of that.
The way I looked at it, God was my only hope.
I will say the stigma is blown out of proportion because SO many people have it. 80% of the people who carry it don’t know. That’s a fact. It is just a skin disease (down there or in your mouth) well technically a virus just like all the other STDS that can be cured except unfortunately like HIV there’s no cure for HSV 1 or 2 and you are always infectious.
The emotional part about it is down played because you can’t die from it and it is a “gross” STD to carry or claim as far as the public goes. Dating in this generation is already tough as it is and having to be honest about “that” cause it’s the right thing to do was detrimental to me. It killed me. I was so ashamed. The way I contracted it wasn’t worth it to me and I couldn’t wrap my head around how preventable it could’ve been. Like using protection or not even sleeping with the person because it was a one-time thing.
In my case it almost didn’t happen because I didn’t want to initially with that person in particular but then it eventually did. That tortured me every night. I didn’t get it from a boyfriend or someone I truly cared about it so you can understand how I had every reason to be upset not only at the person but at myself.
I dealt with a lot of self hate in that period. I knew better. I wasn’t ignorant. Actually I was always the person telling people how Herpes is so common and people don’t even show symptoms. It’s crazy cause Herpes was really my worst fear for years. Most people don’t get tested for it. For some strange reason STD clinics and even most primary doctors don’t test for it because it’s not apart of the full STD panel. You have to ask for it personally.
I was one of the people that always asked for it believe it or not. On the CDC government site they have information on every STD. Under Herpes (HSV 1 & 2) it explains why people aren’t tested for it regularly which in my opinion is kinda sick. It says because so many people carry it, the awareness of it supposedly doesn’t stop the spread and psychologically it’s too traumatic (true) so for that doctors are instructed to only test for it if the patient asks.
That makes no sense, kinda sounds like a conspiracy if you ask me. I feel like the acceptance & stigma of Herpes would be less embarrassing if it was tested as heavy and demanding as HIV is. The spread in my opinion would slow down actually. Who wants that title of spreading Herpes? I feel most people wouldn’t. If it was tested regularly who knows… there would possibly be more of a demand or search for a cure or it would influence infected people to be more honest without so much pressure because so many people would be diagnosed. We should be proactive and do something about that because it can change lives and emotions that we dealt with or for some reading are dealing with. I don’t wish those feelings I felt on my worst enemy.
So my story starts off by making a bad decision one morning. I slept with someone for the wrong reason and I knew it. I felt guilt right after. Then the following days is when the paranoia of STDs started to kick in. I was convinced he either gave me HIV or Herpes and I wasn’t even showing symptoms. I only felt that way because I didn’t know him like that to NOT be using protection. I was just checked 3 weeks prior to what I did with him and I was fine. Like always so how could I? Irresponsible. I personally felt I was in experienced. I didn’t sleep around often to be super forward about protection I always expected for the man to do his part which in my experience usually happened. In this case it didn’t.
Do I think a God was punishing me? No. Do I think God allowed this to happen for me to get “closer” to him? No. Do I think this was Gods will? Not at all. In fact whether you believe it or not prior to having sex with the person I contracted it from. I will say I remember something now I can call it the Holy Spirit was telling me to not even go to this guys house. Basically tugging at my conscious. Almost warning me. I didn’t listen even though I knew it was wrong and carried on. Energy does not lie. Listen to your intuition it is usually accurate and once you have God in your heart besides common sense it’s most likely your Holy Spirit.
You guys need to get this idea of God being mean or punishing you out of your head. You didn’t kill anyone. He is a loving, merciful & most importantly forgiving God. Jesus died on the cross for this very reason. Look you made a error, a mistake, you messed up but we all do. I did. We’re human. It happens and although you feel alone right now, you’re not. God hears you, he feels every pain you carry and sees every tear. Knows every thought and intention. Knows what you did and what you’ll do in the future.
Take this verse in and stand on it:
HE WAS WOUNDED FOR OUR TRANSGRESSIONS
AND BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED. -Isaiah 53:5
We are basically as in “WERE”. Past tense. It was already done. Transgressions means sin. That verse is in the bible. You are healed, he took it on the whipping post and carried your diseases to the cross. Repeat that verse everyday until you believe it in your spirit because faith plays a BIG part of your healing. Pray and claim your healing daily. If that verse is to unrealistic for your subconscious to believe, for me it personally was then say things that are realistic to you.
- “My immune system is getting stronger daily and fighting off this disease.”
- “I am getting healthier everyday because with God anything is possible.”
- “Thank you God for my healing. In Jesus name.”
How bad do you want to be healed? Are you willing to put doubt aside and have faith that God can heal you. Visualize in your head that you are already healed and that the next blood test you take will come back negative. Your blood is cleansed by Jesus. Remember healing comes with salvation. It’s yours and attainable now believe it.
My story ends with being diagnosed positive with HSV 2 in the month of February and by April I was healed. March was the worst month of my life but I also never prayed the way I did. My healing was a process. Skeptics might say “well maybe it didn’t show up this time? Once you have it you have it for life” Welp I went to two more clinics including the one I got tested at. Which is 3 different tests. Still negative. Took 2 cell culture swabs at my gynecologist. Negative. On top of that I took the gold standard 100% accurate HSV 1 & 2 which is called The Western Blot and surely enough I am negative for HSV 1 & 2.
People who don’t believe in divine healing might also say “well maybe you never had it and it was a false positive”. True and as much as I would love to believe that instead of once carrying it because look this diagnosis definitely hurt my ego. I was humbled, but remember any good thing that happens is always a blessing from God no matter what so if that is the case it’s still Gods glory. The way my situation was set up I personally don’t think so sometimes because all the odds were against me similar to The Gideon 300. Some days I feel like I once really had it and somedays it feels better to think it was a “false positive” either way it’s God glory. Look up “The Gideon 300” story in bible it’s in Judges 7. Great and motivating story.
If you truly believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and salvation, rose up 3 days later alive, you have to understand that diving healing is now yours. If that’s weird for you to take it in I’ll leave you with two options are you gonna live with “it” or fight with faith? Your choice. The steps I took had to start with faith then I had many people pray for me. My entire family, even ones not so close to God. Women at bible study. A pastor. Prayer requests on a church website. Here’s a couple websites I think you’ll find useful because I sure did. Have as many pray for you as you can even close friends you trust. Every prayer counts.
Email 2jesus! Put a prayer request on TGM ministries! Email saved healed! Put a prayer request to the 700 club! Put your pride aside and be honest about the situation. It’s in Gods hands and God will listen and see your effort. He loves all of us. He cares for your reputation so do not worry of being exposed. these websites work with diseases more major then HSV 1 & 2. This is not your story. This is only a lesson. Not a punishment.
Youtube videos that grew my faith:
- Pete Cabrera Jr
- Karl Stein
- Pastor Prince Joseph
- John Mellor
And many others, I just feel from a evangelistic Christian stand point those are safe ones I can give out that are legit and pleasing to God. Look them up and see miracles manifest right in your eyes. Go on 2jesus.org and read those incredible testimonies.
The point of me giving you all these resources is to build your faith. Remember anything is really possible with God. When you pray to God always end it in his son Jesus’s name. Here are verses you should seriously take in and remind yourself daily.
“The tongue can bring death or life;
Those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24
“You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the son can bring glory to the father.” John 14:13
I’m gonna end this with a prayer and I hope whoever reads this believes I was once in your shoes looking these things up man. Everyday. I get it. It feels great to be on the other side again and give advice but from my perspective. I believe all who read this have the right to be healed. Now it’s on you.
I pray that whoever reads this takes in my advice and allows you into their heart. I pray that whoever is reading this very prayer you automatically give them favor when it comes to requests they ask you for father. I pray that you bless, prosper, heal and protect all who are reading this and together we stand on the verse that was written in the bible that your son Jesus Christ was wounded for our transgressions and by his stripes we ARE healed. It it is done. Father I pray you increase their faith, cleanse their blood, their immune system, heal all diseases and make their body whole. In Jesus name WE pray. Amen
Thank you father Lord for my healing. I could never repay you. You are truly the king of kings. Please bless all who read this with the same healing and favor you gave me so they to can write a their personal testimony and share your glory. God bless you all.