Hi, I am Annalynne, and was just left from the love of my life. I have thought about building up a life together in the States (I currently live in Europe).
He took away all my hope to ever live stateside with him and maybe a common child, what I have wished for so long. We have shared our dreams for a couple of years together, but however, he feels drawn to a cold-hearted woman, who is controlling him. The relation with me has been a trial to break free out of his destructive pattern, but obviously he is not strong enough or does not really love me or just played with me.
The trouble is, it made me feel so weak, sad. left behind, thrown away and whatever. It is terribly difficult to overcome the general feeling of rejection, because I was treated very bad by my first mother and later by my adoptive parents. I could save my life literally.
I am half German half American, and the States are my home, despite due to my citizenship I cannot live over there. The relation to my American boyfriend has given me so much hope and faith to get a chance for life in freedom and without all the depression and anxiety and less self-esteem I feel here in Europe. In America, I am a completely different person with charm, hope and am optimistic and encouraging. All this vanishes as soon as I return to Germany. I have talked to many people about it, and draw the conclusion that I belong to the States. Folks, can you imagine what it meant to be thrown out of a relation to the man I love and to be taken away from America at once?
I feel like being in a concentration camp here and it is very hard to deal with it. Yes, I should be a strong personality, have a job as a nurse and am a student at the University, and a mother of 2 children, so I always do the best I can…
But for now, I cannot anymore. I know that I will live in America one day in a good relationship but have lost all courage and faith.
Don’t misunderstand me, I have survived my mother’s attacks to get literally rid of me and the hate of my adoptive father for being just a witness and victim of my mother’s aggressions. And have finished school, got an education and manage my day with my children.
But deep inside me I know I am on the wrong place on earth, and I am sooo tired of fighting, I simply cannot anymore. Maybe I think i do not deserve, but I don’t know how to change.
I know one thing: since a couple of days I the word “delivering or deliverance” is in my head and it has to do with my relation to God and Jesus.
I am no native speaker, but can please anyone support me and help me what to do? I cannot go down on that all what has happened. some very important change has to occur.
It will help me endlessly if someone support me or write a comment. I have read all the testimonies and pray for you all.
I have always been strong, but know I cannot anymore, however, I came to this side. My name is Annalynne and I am 46 years old.