Feeling Broken from Fake Friends and Toxic Drama

Hi, my name is Anastasia. I’m merely a 14-year-old girl but God saved me from a state of depression, bad influence (too many times), sexual immorality, etc.

In September 2019, I started secondary school. I always remember fantasizing about the great experience it would be. Those movies led me to have huge expectations that can be crushed instantly, especially when you’re considered a quiet kid. As a result, I was desperate to make friends and get to know people.

Due to my lack of knowledge, I headed straight into a trap. Most of my friends were fake, toxic and extremely bad influences. I was normally the person who was easily taken advantage of. I was obsessed with fitting in that I drifted away from God.

I stopped bible journaling. I went to church and praised God on a Sunday and back to the sinful lifestyle on a Monday. This was repetitive for 2 years. I got myself associated with a lot of sinful acts and was rebellious.

I always used the fact my father abandoned us as an excuse for my inappropriate behaviour. I allowed my arrogance to eat me up; my fears and anxiety took control. Slowly, I slipped into this fake reality in my head that everything was alright.

Knowing all this, I fell into depression. The worst part was, that I didn’t realise it until later down the road.

Somehow, I convinced myself that I was perfect, and everyone was jealous of me (Completely false obviously!). I wanted to die. I used to hope that my life could just be done. I felt so numb and disconnected from everyone and everything. Feeling broken from the fake friends and toxic drama, all while trying to maintain good grades. My life was messy, filled with disappointment and shame. I thought I was going insane.

Even through all the madness I felt, God came through. He led me to a scripture in the bible that opened my eyes. I barely remember which scripture it was, but I remember feeling so convicted by the Holy Ghost. Since then, I said the sinner’s prayer; I repented. Immediately forgot about any depressed relations I had.

Still, I indulged in sexual sin and idolatry. No one warned me about these things, so I went along with what the world said. I remember something bothering me and convicting me to stop. I felt a change in perspective when I realized how much of a terrible sin it is. I repented.

I’ve struggled with it since then, but God heard my plea and delivered me. (Still, sometimes I still am tempted but God has been helping me reject those thoughts and fight off evil. I started to crave God’s word more and build a relationship with him. He has helped me create a routine for just me and him. (Man, bible reading plans indeed do help!!) Yes, trials and temptations came but the strength of the Lord is always with me.

Because of Christ, I won the battle.

He also pointed out pride and idolatry in my life. He helped me not idolise my phone or any blessings in which I received. I still struggle with this, but he has been helping me. He is also working on those prideful thoughts I have. I’m glad he is. I still struggle in some areas.

Temptations and trials are hard, but I am willing to suffer if it brings me closer to Christ. I am more confident in who God made me be. All my insecurities vanished. I was humbled. There are a few things which I struggle with, but I know God will handle them. For he is in control.

I do have a request though. Please pray for me to overcome pride and be humbled.

Thank you very much.
Praise God!