Laurie’s Testimony about the Drugs, Demons, and Brain Damage
First of all, a short story of who I am. I am 51-year-old deaf woman. I am a divorced mother of three adult children and a grandmother of 8 children. I was not a Christian all my life. When I was a child, my family took me to a Sunday church once awhile, but I knew nothing about God or Jesus Christ because of my deafness and also no sign language interpreting services in the old days. My parents were not Christian believers, so church was not important part of our life.
At age 15 I met and married 27-year-old man, Tom. We were together for 16 years and had three children. He was a Catholic and our children attended parochial school for few years. Still, I didn’t accept to be converted into Catholic because I disliked that religion and the church where we attended in a small town.
The Father priest and the nuns were unkind to me on several occasions. That had shocked me and hurt me deeply. Also, I felt resentment and hurt that the Church didn’t make attempt to communicate with me nor did they attempt to inform me about the teachings of Jesus. I felt left out every time in the mass service and I hated it. It was painful experience for me because it made me feel lonely and isolated like nobody cared about me.
Because of those bad experiences, I didn’t believe that Christian religion and their churches were good for us. I had considered them hypocrites and fanatics. I was angry about one thing which I hated the most was their preaching about “Hell.” I hated that story, for it had caused a lot of mental anguish for many people and me.
But I had fears that God would never forgive me because I committed many wrongs during the 16-year marriage. I thought I was too “evil” from breaking God’s commandments too much, so I considered myself as “too late.” Nobody explained to me about Jesus Christ’s mercy and forgiveness. So I was very fearful of God’s wrath. Yes, I actually was terrified of Him, for I had that old fearful thought of a lightning striking me down because of his wrath.
Tom and I got divorced in year 1988, for it was a real bad marriage. It was one of the worst darkest days in my life. The divorce was ugly and bitter. BUT a most WONDERFUL thing happened…during the days of deep depression and despair, I woke up one morning and decided to seek God for forgiveness and help.
To make the story short, I had prayed for the first time in my life, and I heard His Voice saying, “Forgive Tom.” I accepted and said “Yes, I forgive him…”
Jesus Christ then encompassed me with his Awesome Loving presence, lifting out all the dark and heavy burden from my shoulder. He healed me completely of the wounds. It was joyous and healing experience which had changed me at 180 degrees completely into a different person. I was never the same since then. For two whole months, I was in His Saving Grace which was like being in joyous and peaceful state. To this day, I still never forget that powerful moment with Lord Jesus Christ. He showed me the real meaning of Love. He said “Love is the Answer” to the life’s problems.
Soon after, I bought the Bible Book and read a few scriptures, but I was not able to understand the words at all. For a beginner, I had picked a worst page to read. It was Revelation that I first read because I was curious about the future predictions. But those pages made me angry and badly frightened. My English skill was not good at that time, and I had taken the words literally. So I told myself that I would not ever read that book again. Also I was angry with its authoritive male view of women and her role in life in the proverbs.
So I didn’t read the Book for over ten years until year 2003. I had attended a Christian church maybe twice and didn’t like it. I felt uncomfortable and didn’t trust the church because of my bad experience with the Priest and nuns. So I prayed to the Lord and asked Him to show me the path that would take me closer to Him.
Within couple months, I met a new friend who introduced me into the New Age. At that time, I had believed that God had answered my prayer. I was very excited and grateful. so I bought many spiritual books, tarot cards, and attended American Native teachings/meetings and ceremonies with the Shamans. I studied and read books every day. Also was a disciple of Holy guru from India for three years.
I had believed that “Hell” was our current life troubles and our sufferings on earth. I didn’t believe Satan was real, but yes, I accepted there were some evil “lost” ghosts walking on earth and mysterious dark force or dark alien rulers out in the heavens. Yet, despite all those years of reading many books, studying the different teachings, having many joyous and spiritual moments, applying the teachings into my daily life, and meditating some hours once awhile, I hadn’t found a right place that would bring me closer to God. So I was still feeling confused and lost, even with many of man’s wisdoms.
Alright, now about the drugs. I really want to warn you about them because of their terrible consequences. I am still suffering from that to this day! It’s been 7 years now since I quit.
In year 1997, one year after my youngest child, at age 18, moved away from home, I started smoking marijuana, and I eventually smoked it every day by third year. By then I knew I was addicted to it, but I was not willing to let it go. I had liked it too much. That was because it was so pleasurable that I didn’t want to stop.
I didn’t like the world without the pot, for it felt dull and boring. Also, I had hard time handling my nervousness, so the pot helped me relax more. My reasoning was like “Besides, it is not dangerous drug.” We, a gang of friends and I, called it an “Herb.” At that time, I was 45 years old. And most of my women friends were in 30’s to 40’s. We were living in a nice and small apartment complex one block away from the beach in Los Angeles, CA. On every weekend, We would smoke a few puffs of pot and then go rollerblading out on the beach bike path. My close friend Mary and I were in 40’s and our children had grown up and moved away. So it was exciting time of our life, having the freedom to play at the beach. I couldn’t seem to have enough of those fun times, pot smoking and rollerblading.
In the first 45 years of my life, I didn’t touch any dangerous hallucinatory drugs like Meth, Crack, or Heroin. I was very afraid of them. In early teen years, I had learned about their dangerous consequences from the drug education in my junior high school class. Also at age 15, while hanging out with hippie friends in downtown park, I saw many of them using drugs, but I didn’t touch them and refused to even consider it.
However, temptation did hit me one day when a young long-haired man offered to me the colorful pills on his hands. I gave in and decided to try some, but two young women interrupted to stop me and told him to get away. They were protective of me. Then they said that they wanted to show me something, so I went with them to see one of their friends, a young man. Half of his face was badly burned caused by tampering with the electric socket during his LSD drug hallucination. I was horrified at the sight of his face which was greatly disfigured. Since that day, I stayed clear away from those dangerous drugs.
However, after smoking pot for three years, my resolve to stay away from dangerous drugs had weakened. In the fall of 2000, my close girlfriend, Mary, moved in to stay at my apartment home for a temporary time. One of the neighbors upstairs started to sell Crack drugs. I had noticed the increased traffic to his apartment every day, and I was afraid of the trouble with the drug users and the law. I told him to stop that business. I knew him personally. He was a deaf man, Bill at age 27, and was from Boston. But he was making big money and he liked it too much, so he refused to stop. He bought many new things, clothes, big TV, stereo, and new furniture for his apartment.
Ok, after I got back home from one- month vacation trip, I learned that my best friend, Mary, had started smoking crack, too. I didn’t like that and I was scared for her. But She told me that it was an awesome high trip. She then offered some to me. After a little hesitation, I accepted and smoked the crack. Looking back to that moment, I wished I had listened to that little “no” voice in my heart, but the curiosity had gotten a hold of me. I had never heard of the word Crack, so I had no idea of the kind of drug it was. Also, it was because I believed Mary…what she said about the crack. How awesome it was.
To make a point about the drug Crack…later in the following years, in the AA meetings, I had heard this saying often about the drug Crack from other ex-users. The saying is that “it would grab you so fast before you’d ever know it.” That is the truth. I had seen that happened to my friends and me. It is horrible addictive drug! Once you smoke it, you can’t stop it until you would either crashed or run out of the rocks. Then you would be going through same thing all over again in the next day and again in the following days.
That was what happened to me and my friends. I had to make extreme effort to control it by smoking it only in evenings after work and only few times a week. But while smoking it, I couldn’t stop the need to get high until the drug was all gone and it was time to get sleep at night. By fourth week, the craving was so bad that I found myself crawling on the floor, looking for the crack left overs.
At that moment, I was acutely aware of my behavior and I was truly horrified at the change in me and also at Mary. She had become a full-time user by smoking it 24 hours every day. She did not have had any sleep for two weeks, and then she’d crashed down. But then she’d be back smoking it full time again right next day. It was horrible to see how it had changed her personality, for she became a different person. A not nice person with an aggressive attitude. I didn’t like that because she was normally a bubbly and caring person. Her talk was wild and full of profanities. That was totally unlike her. She had called me a “Bitch” when I told her that she must leave and not smoke crack in my home anymore.
In our 18 years of friendship, she had never said one bad word against me. That is how drugs like crack could change a person drastically. Fortunately for me, I smoked the crack for one month and half because I heard God’s voice clearly. He said, “Quit it.” I obeyed and quit immediately. He had set me free, for I didn’t have any craving for that drug since then. I was so happy and grateful. But I didn’t stop smoking marijuana until one month later.
The drug Crack also hurt our neighbors, for it had killed one of them with an heart attack. He had just started using it, and he was in his 4o’s. Other neighbors were also becoming addicted. At the dealer Bill’s home, there were always crack users, both women and men in age between 20’s and 50’s, staying there long hours. I saw how they hardly ever stopped smoking crack. The daily sight of them sitting on the sofa, on the beds, and on the floors with the drugs and the stink being strong in the apartment had horrified and saddened me both at same time.
After 6 months of drug dealing, the deaf man was evicted from his apartment. That was during the month after I had quit. I felt sorry for him, being homeless, so I allowed him to stay the nights at my home for “just a short time” as long as no selling drugs from my home.
However, within 2 weeks, I had to evict both my friend Mary and drug dealer from my home. They then moved on to the streets and stayed in motels and their friends’ homes. It was like a nightmare for me. I had lost my best friend of 18 years. It broke my heart that I had to kick her out of my home.
Both she and drug dealer didn’t care about me nor about my home, for they had no respect for me nor about keeping my home clean. They had made horrendous mess in my home. I learned that it was a normal behavior for the drug addicts that all they cared about was the drugs and having fun.
Alright, there is one most important warning that I truly want to tell you about it. Please keep your mind open and listen to me. Remember that those drugs like Crack, Heroin, or Meth are dangerous, destructive, and addictive. They do kill people, destroy our minds, and damage our health. Also, they destroy and hurts our loved ones and their lives, as they are victims of our addiction and its consequences. It hurt my adult children real bad, for the drug had damaged my brain and changed me personally to a different person, even though I had used it only for one month and half.
Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter however long you are using a drug, it can damage your brain or any of your body organs without any warning. It had done chemistry changes to my brain that caused me to “see” and “hear” the spirit people almost all the time. The drug had also hurt my nervous system. The Evil spirit beings had destroyed my mind, the humanity part of me. That is why it hurt my family, my mother, all relatives, and children, and grandchildren because severe damage to my brain. I had difficult time to communicate with people for almost four years. It was year 2004 that my mind was finally almost normal due to God’s miraculous works.
Now I want you to hear me for your sake, your future children’s sake, and your family’s sake. Those drugs as well as abusing any drug are a terrible Sin because they open the door to the Evil spirits, Satan, and Demons. Because the drugs, even the alcohol, are under Evil’s domain. I literally “saw” and experienced the evil spirits being involved during the crack use at my apartment complex. They hung around us in our apartments. The atmosphere was dark and evil. Sometimes I saw their faces on the walls outside. The faces of fear. They also harassed us with their evil mischief by making us fearful and paranoid. They created faces on the walls and on the wood cabinets. Also everyday my clothes on the floor or over the chair were shaped into faces. Also they did things to our mind, encouraging us to use more drugs every day and making us to need it real bad.
I had learned one horrifying truth about those spirits. The reason they hang around the drug users is that they want the high of drugs and our physical pleasures. They, the evil spirits, WANT those feelings…the pleasure centers… from the drugs and from us. They use drugs to get those things from us, to control our minds, and eventually to destroy our souls. I saw that some drug users were aware of the spirit activities, but they refused to acknowledge it. They were afraid. So was I.
I was very frightened and I refused to sleep in my bedroom, for that was where I got the most trouble from evil spirits. They had made both mental and physical attacks against me more than others because they knew that I could see them. They appeared usually in the evenings until sunrise. So most of the time I slept on the beach during the days, rather than in my bedroom during the nights.
Then after God commanded me to quit, and the crack dealer moved out, the apartment’s atmosphere had brightened up and felt cleaner. The evil spirits were gone. They bothered us no more. I was so grateful to be set free from the crack drug. That was one of the scariest times of my life seeing how the drug crack was destroying us.
However, those demons came back one month later, and this time they fooled me because they were friendly to me. I assumed they were of the Light according to the New Age teachings. So I was very excited to communicate with them. I was thrilled that I could see and hear them clearly. For me, that was so awesome. I had no reason to think they might be evil.
However, within few weeks, their voices and their stories and the visions had gradually taken over my mind full time. Thus I was unable to pay attention to my every day life nor able to go to work. That was how my daughter found me one day as I was lying on my bed during the midday and I was watching their “halography” movies on the ceilings. She was frightened and she called my mother who in turn came down and took me back to her home. At my mother’s home, I was in Zombie’s state of mind with their voices talking to me for three months. I almost never spoke to my mother during those months. I was either outside smoking or lying in my bed in my room. I spend long hours staring at the wall…watching the movies or visions. Within me, I was dying slowly, for I felt powerless to stop those intrusions. I didn’t know how to fight back because they were dangerously clever by making me forget what I was thinking. It was a terrible mental battle but through it all, I had always felt God’s loving and peaceful presence. That gave me great comfort, knowing He was with me.
Then finally after a third month, as I was lying on the bed, a figure of Father God appeared on the ceiling, and He said to me “Move on!!” I understood clearly at that moment what he meant. Also I recalled of two Messengers from God who had appeared in my recent night dream and they said “Leap in faith” and “Focus on your mother.”
So I knew it meant it was time for me to fight back by going back to living my everyday life. So I obeyed Him and got up from the bed. I went outside and ask my mother to give me a gardening task. Boy, I had to work so hard to concentrate on my task and I was frightened because the voices were clamouring at me…to distract me.
Then the next day, during my gardening work, I witnessed an awesome miracle of God’s work. I saw the lifting of their “evil world” from my eye view. God had casted out many bad voices and visions and their world from my life. For the first time, my brain was in complete silence. Like a blank slate. No thoughts whatsoever. Also, had an amnesia. I just knew it was different, not the same as the old Laurie’s mind. But I couldn’t tell what was missing in my brain because there was no information in my brain to tell me that something was missing. Also there was some damage to the nervous system because I couldn’t feel the sensation from my neck down to my feet. It was just a mass of energy. I had no emotion except that I was calm all the time. I felt no fear at all. But I was so happy to be free from the voices.
In the first three years, I had to retrain my brain to think again, to focus my attention on tasks, and to sort out the thoughts that went through my mind. The information gradually surfaced in the memory bank. There was daily mental work, but it was exhausting and frightening because I was afraid of the voices and also my own thoughts.
The voices were not always friendly, and they told me that they were my thoughts. So that frightened me. And gradually the feelings and sensations returned to my body. Now I can feel my legs as I walked. I worked hard to be optimistic and determined in my recovery program. And I was taking medications for psychosis which helped a bit.
Then one day, I saw with my own eyes ….a demon appearing to me and baring his vampire teeth at me. He said “Your pain is sweeter.” That was like a last straw for me as something snapped within me after fighting so hard for three years. I freaked out and screamed at top of my lungs at God…begging him for mercy and to stop all that painful suffering from anxiety attacks. I had hit at the end of the rope, so it was unbearable many times that made me think about suicide.
Those evil spirits were attacking and interfering with my thinking process. That distressed me because it was a great struggle for me to even think, so it was the last thing I needed to have those negative words attacking my own thoughts. It created more fear in me. So I was very depressed and mentally exhausted. I drank whenever to escape the oppression of pain and exhaustion.
In year 2003, a voice woke me up in the middle of night and said “I have a visitor from the Christian group. He wants to speak with you.” Then I heard a new authoritive and soft voice saying “Read the Bible.” I responded that I didn’t believe in the Bible. He repeated “Read the Bible.” I accepted his commandment and told him that I would.
Next morning I thought about it and knew it was going to be another turning point for me because God had commanded me to read the Book!! The half part of me didn’t want to read it because I was so exhausted and tired of the spirit world. I had enough of that world. But the other part of me knew that God wanted to help me through the book. The first time I read the Bible, to my great surprise I could read and understand the scriptures. I was so thrilled and grateful. I knew that I was ready to be his student.
A new friend had recently invited me to attend her Christian church where they have interpreting services. So I started to attend that church from then on. I tell you, it was extremely difficult for me to attend the church because it would be a huge battle between the demons and me on sunday mornings before the service. By the time I arrived at the church, there would be tears on my face. But I was determined to go anyway. I was not gonna allow them to stop me from my relationship with God.
During the sermons, there would be horrible thoughts attacking me and making it hard for me to understand what the pastor was saying because I was busy defending myself against the negative thoughts. Sometimes, it had gotten so bad that the tears were running down my face. I hated that. I was embarrassed about people seeing my pain at the church. Gradually, with Jesus’ guidance and bible reading increased to almost everyday. Also, I had the group prayers with their hands on me every week…praying for deliverance and healing. Jesus Christ appeared to me few times during the process of deliverance which has been going on for 6 months now. He had casted out many Bad evil spirits who had harassed me real bad.
Emotionally I was in pain almost all the time. Now the pain in my heart has lessened a lot since then. I feel more relaxed and stronger with great inner strength. Praise the Lord. I love my church. I never dreamt that I would love going to my church for the fellowship and friendship with such nice people, the Christians. I do and I love it every moment. I have been going there faithfully. I love singing to the Lord in the sign language. It is a lot of fun and joy. I am feeling much better. My life is looking brighter.
I had my very first vegetable garden last summer. No more depression. Hallejua! My mind is amazingly better and almost normal. But it will never be normal like my old mind was before the crack. But that’s ok. I can live with it. Also another wonderful awesome works of God is the Psalm 23 which makes a great sleeping aid for me. The voices used to attack me every night as I attempted to fall into sleep. Then through a friend’s prayer, the Lord gave me this Psalm.
Immediately after I started reciting it while in bed, the voices disappeared for good. So I am able to fall asleep quickly now. He delivered me from the sins of smoking and drinking 8 months ago. I was a smoker for 35 years. My drinking problem started in 2002 because of emotional stresses. I have found wonderful Salvation through Holy Bible and Jesus Christ.
The voices are not completely gone yet, but with the tools in the Armor of God, singing praises in sign language, praying for others and His guidance, I am becoming strong and more able to overcome it. One of my favorite scriptures that gives me great comfort and teaching tool is 2Timothy 1:7,
“For God hath not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and a sound mind.”
Thank you, my dear God and Praise the Lord. He is the best thing that ever happen to me.
God wants me to tell you this warning about the consequences of the drugs. They really are evil, and they belong to the evil’s world because they want to destroy us with the drugs. That is God’s warning to you. He loves you very much. So please, please do not ever touch those drugs and do not abuse alcohol. STAY AWAY FROM THEM!