Girl holding hands over face in shame

Freedom from Masturbating (by God’s Grace Alone)

I first got exposed to pornography around 7-8 years old. That started my addiction to pornography and masturbating. That same year my parents figured out I was visiting bad sites and sinning. They got me into trouble. After that I stopped watching pornography but at around 12 years old, I fell into reading provocative books online. With that came the sin of masturbating.

I felt so guilty after falling into that sin. And I fell very often. At first, I was doing it willfully, but it came to a point where I wanted to stop. Being freed from this addiction that plagued me from an early age was harder than I thought. It was for me, practically impossible. When I would not want to sin, I would sin. When I ran from this sin, it would practically overtake me every time. I desperately wanted to be free because I knew that masturbating was wrong.

One night, I was facing temptation. I promised God that I wouldn’t sin. I ended up breaking that promise and sinning. I felt even more guilty and convicted. Then, again I promised God that that was the last time I would sin, but that same night I fell. Two times in a row. Not only was I practicing impurity, but I was also lying to God.

A few nights later, again I faced temptation. This time I was honest with God. I got on my knees and told God that I don’t want to sin, but I can’t resist the temptation. I said to God that if He didn’t help me fight this temptation, I couldn’t overcome. I asked for His help to set me free. Thay night resisted temptation trusting in God’s help, but again, I failed.

I was confused and disappointed, but somehow, I had a new confidence that this time I didn’t fight and lose on my own, but the Lord was helping me and training me. The following time, same thing, even asking the Lord to help me fight I still fell. And I feel miserably. I felt like I wanted to give up. But the next time I faced temptation, the battle wasn’t that ha4d anymore, even though I fell. The next time I won the battle with the Lord’s help.

As the months gone on, I was barely masturbating (thanks be to God!) But I still fell once in a while, and I didn’t understand why. I understood I could fight the temptation in my own strength and needed God but still something was lacking. After searching the web on how to be free from masturbating (not that many websites actually talk about this sadly, and the world practically has no resources to help but they rather condone masturbating as a healthy practice), I saw that the number one way of getting freedom is by telling someone.

This was very hard for me, and I just could bring myself to talk to anyone about it. The thought of talking about it tormented me but the sin of masturbating also tormented me. I remember one day knowing that I should tell someone… but who? By reasons God only knows, I was led to talk to my dad about my struggle. A daughter talking to her dad about this struggle?! It may seem extreme but out of everyone I knew. I had peace talking to me dad about it.

When the day came for me to bring it up to my dad, I was struggling to get myself to actually start the conversation. So, I told the Lord “I literally can’t do this. I can’t talk about it, so Lord, if you want me to talk about this, you need to talk for me. And will that I told my dad and after that the battle with the temptation of masturbating became very easy, to the point where I was very surprised.

A light shone on my sin and the darkness was exposed. When the darkness was exposed by light, it lost its power. I have now been clean (solely by God’s grace) for about 3 years (I am 20 now). In these years I have fallen only a few times. This is solely by God’s grace. Every time I face sexual temptation, I give the battle to the Lord and ask Him to fight for me. I have also changed my life habits to keep me as far from temptation as possible. These changes include:

  • staying away from provocative movies, literature, photos, songs, convos (this is a sacrifice, but I am thankful I can make it by God’s grace (im not like perfect or too strict about it but I try my best)
  • when I face temptation, I make an outward sign of disagreeing with the sin (ex. I shake my head ‘no’ when I face the temptation to take the battle outside of just my mind)
  • unfollowing people (even some friends) on social media that post provocative post.
  • I followed and liked a bunch of Chistian accounts and posts and spent time searching ‘Christian’ content or ‘nature’ content on insta to change my ‘For you’ page algorithm
  • spend time with God and bible (aiming for at least 1 chapter a day)

If you are struggling with the sin or masturbating and/or watching pornography, you can try implementing similar changes in your daily habits and I mentioned above. But most importantly be honest with God and also acknowledge (for yourself even) that you cannot get unaddicted alone (just try it lol) but need God’s help. Also tell someone that you are struggle (for your own sake, to weaken the power of sin).

Also, a practical tip and you are being freed from this addiction is to not count on getting proud of how long you haven’t fallen. This will help you from getting proud and forgetting that this is God freeing you and keeping you clean. If you get proud about how long you’ve been clean, watch out cuz most of the time, that’s when you fall.

Another thing to mention is that there are soooo many benefits of being clean from masturbating!!

God bless you all and I hope this helps someone who wants to be free from masturbating. God loves you. Let me know if you have any questions.