In 2004 December I had a miscarriage. I was numb from emotional abuse anyway and couldn’t feel any emotion. I never cried for that baby. When the D&C was done I asked the doctor what the sex was but she said “its too soon” . I miscarried in the fourth month. I had an inkling it was a boy…but it was just that…an inkling. Somewhere inside me I stored away my firstborn…
2008: I gave birth to my son Ben. Between these times, but rarely, I would calculate to see how old my first born would have been.
2009: Yet another son, Joel (Jehovah is Lord it means). My little boy would have been nearly five…
I was not mourning and I was leading the victorious life…fully in His spirit. But I believe the Lord knew my yearning. I know that the bible doesn’t say this but through many things I read written by solid believers, I started to wonder whether there was a place in Heaven specially for unborn children, where they play in the lap of Jesus.
Two or three times I prayed show me my son…and then repented and submitted to whatever His holy will was. Then one day I came across the site of the Duggars. I had not read about them before but on this site…http://www.duggarfamily.com/, I read about how this lady miscarried her child, delivered and then had a chance to take photos with her for remembrance. There was a lot of hoo ha in the press about this.
All this while I felt the leading of the Lord. While trying to research this I came across innumerable accounts of people doing this and that is when I started accepting that my first born was really an individual in the sight of the Lord. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; “Jeremiah 1:5 Bens conception and birth was a series of miraculous events by the Holy Spirit. In particular, I knew that I was having a son by the moving of the spirit. I was so sure that in the fourth month I bought all boy baby clothes. So by realizing the conviction of the Spirit I was sure that my first born was a boy.
After this, I gave testimony on this board “My testimony and the beginning of a love story”.
A fellow writer on TestimonyShare prophesied to this post as below:
“It’s amazing how God has moved my heart and I still say your three children are Gods miracle and God is going to touch your family powerfully through them, I don’t know why im saying this but that is how its going to be, they are Godly offspring’s, your sons will prophecy in the name of Jesus and there will be rivers of waters flowing in your house. Today God showed me a vision. I saw my son, God named him Isaac, he is 8 years old in my vision and was shinning bright like bright light, it made me understood that he is God’s sent, a godly offspring, I was amazed on what I saw but then I asked Jesus to give me a sign from bible( in my mind I had if you could mention son anywhere in the scripture I would believe you).and guess what!!!!!!!!It opened Joel 2:28 Your sons and daughters will prophecy. Now I was shocked, I still feel the Holy Spirit anointing as I say this to you truly our Lord is miracle maker, He does not do anything without revealing his servants.”
At this time , MY SON WOULD HAVE BEEN EIGHT YEARS OLD!!! I truly believe that the testimony of Jesus Christ is the spirit of Prophesy. Only now as I write this I start to grasp the meaning of that verse.
I still don’t know what to think. Would anybody be able to give thoughts as to as a saint of God what would He like me to think. DaughterofChrist…you especially.
Recently I also read this site where several years back a child, Colton Burpo, of four years, died on the operating table and came back miraculously speaking of meeting his great grandfather who he had never met and of a sister who his parents had never spoken of as she was miscarried. (they didn’t know either that she was a girl!) Sorry I don’t know the site but google it , its all over the web.
Head whirling. Don’t know what to think. Lord Jesus guide me. Internally I know what I believe because of the course of things that the Lord led me through. so gently and when I was ready. But I need scripture, from the word, sustenance to bring closure to this. HELP!
In my weakness His strength is made perfect! Hallelujah!