I’m going to be real. No more shoving the truth behind me and acting like it never happened, because it did. The day I watched gay porn was the day I chose to discover other things on that porn site. The day I watched gay porn was the day I allowed other demons inside my life.
At first, I felt as if I had defiled myself in some way, and committed an unforgiven sin against myself, just like the first time I watched pornography. I knew I had entered an evil territory, a snare hard to escape. My curiosity about the world and sex had led me on a dangerous path.
For a moment I wasn’t sure why I watched it, I suppose I watched it because I was tired of seeing girls, and women having sex with men because it felt morally unjust to watch men and their filthy desires defile my gender. It didn’t feel right to watch it anymore so when I saw that video of two men having sex, I thought to myself ‘They aren’t women so it’s okay’. That was the beginning of a long battle that was never meant for me to begin with.
The funny part is not only did I start watching gay porn, but I also watched every other kind of pornography you can think of. I was scared of what I was doing, scared of what I was becoming, scared of what I might turn out if I didn’t stop. I started watching pornography when I was 14 years old because the person who was looking after me forgot to delete the video and now, I am an 18-year-old going on 19.
So many years of being brainwashed by people’s crazy fantasies have made me come to realize that no matter what, children can’t be protected. The world is a dark place the only way to protect yourself and your kids is by being grounded in God’s word and by actually educating them about sex rather than leaving it to the world to educate them. If I had known what sex was, I wouldn’t have been curious about it and if I was grounded in God’s word, deeply grounded in his word, I wouldn’t have watched that video and even if I did, I wouldn’t have chosen to continue watching for so many years!
I gave my life to Christ and now I am saved.
I completely understand the struggle you had with pornography. I was 10 years old when my cousin (who was my age) brought a magazine with naked women in it. I kept looking at it and soon began masturbating! It was all I thought about! My life was basicalyl ruined and my childhood was snatched away from me! That was my lfie–and at the age of 29–having lost my will to live-Jesus came into my life and set me FREE! Jn. 10:10 is so true-“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
I will be praying for you! Praising God for His blood that washes us clean and sets us free!! Hallelujah!! !! By His 39 stripes we are saved and set free!! The chains have fallen off!! Keep in the word and pray! God bless you!