Hi my name is Declan and I live in the United Kingdom. I’ve had many problems and bad times in my life, along with plenty of good times, but the Lord Jesus Christ has been the only one to stop all of them so that they’re just a memory. Ranging from sexual problems to irrational fears to obsessive never ending star wars collecting.
I was brought up a Roman Catholic and I always believed in God, and over the years sadly the other team. I used to talk with one inwardly like some master right out of a SW scenario and over the years decided to take the thing or things on myself. I don’t think I even considered it/them demons for a time. Not sure what I considered them long story short, before taking them on and paying the price for it big time.
It started with me in January 2004 declaring they don’t exist and they got serious big time from that. And it was may 2004 were they really did something horrible and messed me up big time. I felt like they had killed a large part of the soul around me I felt broken and destroyed. And I ceased being the same person. There was no sort of life around me, it really was like I just died right from where I was living walking one step to another. It was pretty horrible to sum up and got badder and badder as 2004 went on though there were good times as the year went along too.
2005 was a good year but also a horrible one as the year went along. There were moments were I thought I was getting inspiration to hold on and not give up that looking back on it thought it was God telling me to resist, I wasn’t saved at the point of these moments but God works through all things anyway so there you go. Anyway I’ve had deliverance from depression, other mental illness unhealthy addictions and he makes you a completely different person over time as he does all who receive Jesus as Lord.
I myself still backslide badly but he’s there to heal you there when you do. My life would revolve with playing video games for insane hours to watching TV to taking the dog out, the life was destroyed steadily from May 2004 and by September 2005 I couldn’t go through with applying for college. It’s not nice what these things can to someone be they literal internal tormentors or externally (seen those as well): Don’t mess with them. And only take them on if you have the Lord backing you up. He gives you his authority to cast them out. You CAN cast them out yourself with them in you (upon being saved) I can testify to that.
But back on to what the Lord has freed me from. Video Games. I think they’re fun to play definitely, there is an argument Christians shouldn’t play them full stop (certainly the violent ones) but for me I would play for crazy hours. Whole days would go by playing them day and night, and I found a lot of times it took serious willpower to come off them.
Most of the games I played I had fun on and good memories playing on them with other people, most certainly. But it was a serious addiction and was unhealthy for me personally because of 1 thing: anger. Over the years my anger and rage would get so stupidly insanely irrational just being killed once or twice or more never mind losing, that I started to hate a very good game I enjoyed playing that I just wanted to stop doing it. I would stop playing for weeks or even a number of months and I would literally feel like I was fighting with myself, the temptation of playing it again or the actual many demons in me who wanted me to play it.
Or all of the above. I was actually a pretty good player on this game when I grew to know how to play it. But certain moments would occur where (online) I would suddenly for no reason just be attacked (internally the mind) and another player would kill me in the game or get the better of me and it would be pretty horrible. Not the fact on the game with another player just doing what the game expects you to do – the actual experience with what would happen. It’s like this, I’d be doing well on the game, and suddenly I would just be immobilized: I’d lose all confidence with, and it was like in some cases my ability was just erased to do certain things not just the form.
I know, start playing the violins, right? I lost a game or a kill, get over it. But the reason I think this experience was demonic was it would show me up, embarrass me and players I felt would lose respect for me and wonder who this completely different person is 1 minute kicking butt and then a pitiful failure the next. That’s what I think they’re motivation was in doing it: they’d show me up, then feed off all the negative emotion from me in the aftermath. Because that’s all it would take was 1 death or 2 deaths on the game (or most games) to just lose all good positivity, confidence and form.
Anyway this same sort of experience has happened in real life, talking with people enjoying doing something and then this experience would just come right out of nowhere. Same reason they did it to me in real life and will still do it now: show me up, then feed off the emotions afterward. Because I’ve read before how the exact same thing happened to someone else.
Fear of losing a good experience or any fear full stop just make this happening to someone that much easier. Fear makes it easy for them: don’t give it them. So the anger, the rage, the hate, the rejection playing it, the taking way it way too seriously, the pride all the other negative emotion and unhealthy addiction of just wanting to stop only has only just ended made possible only by the Lord Yeshua.
I still maintain I’ve had fun times on the game (especially with other players) and games in general, but even on single player after awhile it wasn’t healthy for me what with the rage and the too much time spent on them in the first place. There were serious issues of hate and bitterness of unforgiveness for people in real life and on games were you just have to let go of hate, move on and forget and forgive. The Lord shows how to do that. So the argument could be here in scripture: Mark chapter 7 verse 15:
Nothing outside a man can make him ‘unclean’ by going into him. Rather it is what comes out of the man that that makes him unclean.
*Which thinking about it, is why it’s good I’ve stopped*. Foul language, anger etc. But you could also argue that we’re not supposed to engage in the ways of the world.
Other areas I’ve been delivered from have been sexual problems with masturbation; it would be borderline chronic maybe even chronic on certain days for 18 years. It was disgusting. And that again, felt like I was like was fighting something, yes, the flesh is weak of course as the Word tell us, but also felt like I was fighting a force at the time that wanted me to keep doing it, because it was that hard to stop.
I remember I could go whole weeks without doing it once, furthest I got was probably 3 weeks. But that again I just couldn’t stop. Only the Lord Yeshua can wipe this from someone completely. It’s almost like you can’t do it. You would have to force yourself to do it upon being delivered from it if . And just thinking about it is disgusting in retrospect.
Not to judge anyone struggling with it’s insanely hard to stop and not easy, but once you’ve stopped you’ll look back in self disgust. You won’t be freed from it overnight, I know I wasn’t, but eventually with the Lord helping you it will be something you will never want to do again. And it’s ONLY possible to stop by Jesus. You can mitigate it a bit by yourself but not stop it outright. It will be gone from your nature. And I’m proud to say I’ve finally stopped. Only as with all things made possible with the Lord. Praise Jesus.
I also had issues with never ending star wars collecting. I would want to to keep buying this thing and have things saved in the amazon basket (like 20 odd stuff for to buy next time) that I wouldn’t even have in my account to pay for a quarter of what was in the basket. It wouldn’t end. It wasn’t so much an hobby as it was an illness.
I used to have an covetous attitude that I would never give any of my star wars collectibles away unless I had duplicates of the particular item. I remember I could even be nasty in not wanting to let my siblings watch the movies I had in my possession or even bizarrely enough not wanting them to watch them full stop on TV or whatever.
But the Lord has shown me anything I thought I couldn’t do is possible only through him making it possible and has taught me charity in relinquishing material goods of my star wars stuff I have in my collection to give others and (eventually) sell. That was not even possible for me to contemplate just a little over a year ago. But the Lord has shown me I can do it. Among many other things I thought I couldn’t do.
Praise the Lord Jesus.