Throughout my academic journey, I was determined to secure a summer internship. In the past three years, I have applied for numerous opportunities and have repeatedly been met with closed doors. I succeeded in securing work experience but struggled immensely in succeeding with my internship applications. As a penultimate-year student, securing an internship before I graduated was of the utmost importance.
This year, I applied for around 10 internships, in both legal and finance. I prayed that God would bless me with an internship and thankfully I secured 1 interview and 2 assessment centres. I thought the first interview went well and was disappointed when I received my rejection with no feedback from the company.
I moved on and started to prepare for my first assessment centre. I really liked the company and was hoping I could succeed. Unfortunately, this assessment centre went horribly. I was extremely nervous throughout, which meant whenever I spoke, I rambled on and was incoherent. I also struggled with the group exercise and barely spoke which meant I could not be assessed. I remember going home angry and upset because I believed that an internship at this company was for me. I spent months interacting with the company and really enjoyed the culture. I couldn’t understand why this door was closed.
I became angry at God. I became angry because, at this point, I only had one other opportunity and had been met with rejections continuously. In addition, I had struggled in my academic exams. I felt as if I was being constantly beaten down and I couldn’t understand why.
I thought I was being punished until I stumbled upon a video on YouTube. I cannot remember the specific video, but I remember it mentioned ‘pruning’. It was talking about how God will put you in certain situations to ‘prune’ you. I also stumbled upon another video on TikTok that asked the question ‘If God were to bless you with what you wanted, would you be able to handle it?’. It explained that sometimes God will say ‘not yet’ to some of the things we want because we are not prepared and because we are not prepared, we may end up ruining our opportunity.
I looked back at my situation and started to understand. I was being met with rejections because I lacked confidence. Because I had low self-esteem and because I entered every room with the belief that everyone was smarter and more deserving than me, I wasted a lot of the opportunities that God blessed me with. I realised that I wasn’t being punished, but rather this was God doing a work in me. So, I began to fast and pray that God would show me what traits in me needed to be changed.
The videos and verses that helped me during my fast were:
- Matthew 7: 7-10.
- Isaiah 43: 16-19.
- 1 Corinthians 1: 24-27.
- Judges 6: 7-16.
- James 1: 2-8.
- ‘God Knows. You Don’t’ – Steven Furtick.
- ‘The God of the Way’ – Steven Furtick.
- ‘3 Signs God is Pruning You (to Prepare you for MORE)’ – Melody Alisa.
I realised from fasting that I need to be pruned from having total control over every situation, from jealousy and comparison, and from low self-esteem. I also realised that God will put you in situations where you are surrounded by locusts to remind you that you are a lion. He does this to ensure you do not become prideful.
With this new wisdom, I started preparing for my final assessment centre. I told myself to be confident and to not be anxious. When I entered each exercise, I could see the difference in my performance compared to my performance in my first assessment centre. I spoke coherently, made good points, and was able to connect with my assessors. They told me I would find out my outcome by the end of the month (in the next 3 weeks).
Fast forward a couple of days, I remember praying to God ‘If this is your will, please move mountains and let it be done’. A couple of hours later, I received a call from the company giving me an offer for the internship! I was so excited and remember praising God because this is what I have wanted for years. Furthermore, God blessed me with great grades in my exams even though I believed I failed.
I hope with this testimony I am able to motivate anyone to continue trusting in God. Even if your situation is bleak and you don’t understand how it could be better, remember to lean not on your own understanding but to have faith that God will provide for you. Also, remember that not every hard season is a punishment. Maybe God is using this situation to highlight some traits in you that need to be removed so you can manage the big blessings he will bring you in the future. Fast and ask the Holy Spirit to highlight these traits and for wisdom on how to remove them.
