I was 14 years old when I started to question everything. I attended a traditional church every Sunday with my family where I sang in the choir and dressed in a white robe to help with communion. I would sing the hymns and listen to the sermons and believe without question.
I went to school throughout the week where I was met with one boy who was a strong atheist and always used to ridicule me for being a Christian. He would put me on the spot with questions that I felt I was not equipped at the time to answer, and so every day a little bit of my faith rolled off of me.
I started by questioning the divinity of Jesus. Every time the preacher spoke of him I would say in my head, “enough about him… what about God?”. I thought maybe he was just a nice man that did good things and that people had lost sight of God by constantly praising him.
And then I started to question God altogether… and that’s when my life became quite dark. I started to believe that life was hollow and that there was in fact no meaning to it. That there was no actual point and we just existed by random circumstances. That my life itself was pointless.
I found myself crying every night due to the fear of there being nothing, not even darkness, just nothing at the end of my life.
It got worse, I stopped eating and quickly turned into a walking skeleton. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and completely lost sight of hope.
I would call out in prayer through tears, begging for God to answer me, to tell me that he was real, to reach out and hold my hand. Just anything. I just couldn’t bear the emptiness I was feeling anymore.
One night I remember wanting it all to be over, I put my pillow over my head and I held it there, crying into it. I cried myself to sleep.
The next part of this testimony is hard to believe, and I still think that even those closest to me struggle to comprehend that it might be real. But it is the truest part of my life and I have reached a point where I would rather I shared it, than kept it to myself any longer out of fear of how people may feel about it.
I woke up to a figure at the side of my bed that was radiating light. It was so bright that I couldn’t see its face or its body, just pure light. And I wasn’t afraid. I was the calmest I had ever felt. It was as if my mind was completely at ease.
And then this feeling of immense love washed over me. Something that I am sure I will never feel again in this lifetime. Pure Agape love. It washed out all of my doubt, all of my fear and pain. I felt completely happy, completely whole.
Then I was sent back to sleep, as if I had been given a strong sleeping pill or likewise.
I woke up afterwards and screamed, my normal instincts kicked in and I was overwhelmed. I ran to my mum to tell her what I had seen. At the time I thought that it was an angel. I told her that night that I didn’t feel depressed anymore, that I was happy.
My mum then told me that the same night she had gone to a house group and had told them what I was going through and they had prayed for me.
I am now 27 and lead worship at my church. My experience still holds no doubt in my mind to this day and I am still learning new things about it. I love God and I love Jesus Christ and know now that he is divine, all loving and all encompassing.
2 years ago I went to an Easter service where I saw a picture. The picture was of Jesus. He was radiating light. It was an image of what the disciples had seen when Jesus appeared to them after his resurrection.
Matthew 17:2
“There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.”
I started to realise that what I had actually seen that night was Jesus himself. After all of my doubt in him, he still stood by me and filled me with his love.
I will always, always believe in Jesus Christ.
I hope that this helps someone else to do the same.
I am so blessed by this beautiful testimony, If only I could have such an experience having suffered from anxiety and depression all my life. However, i am still alive and it is never too late for a shower of rain. I pray that you will never forget your experience and that many will be blessed by it.
I truly believe that He is always with us and we just really need to put trust in him. Life is so worth living with a God that can love us so completely. When I had my experience, it was like I had finally come home, it was the most normal I have ever felt. I know that God is with you and I hope that my testimony can at least give you some reassurance that He is always there.
Thanks for sharing your testimony!
Thank you for reading it, God bless you
Sophie–I so relate to your testimony!! If you get time please read mine at wwwdotisraellightsdotcom God Bless!! I know about being filled with love–agape love–also! I was standing in my living room pleading with the Lord for a “touch” from Him! Suddenly a pitcher of pure agape love was poured into my entire being and all I could do was cry! It was like a liquid love and even the clouds were saturated with it!!!
Wow! I shared my testimony at church on Sunday and the amount of people that have said they have had similar experiences is just amazing and a total affirmation. I am so happy that you have also experienced agape love. I wish that it could happen to everyone, but know that God also shows himself in so many other ways and has his reasons for everything. Thank you for sharing this with me, it means a lot.
I believe every word you said. I once had a similar experience. I saw Jesus, experienced that feeling of His love and passion which words can’t describe, I saw the face of Jesus. He looked down on me… a tear was running down his face. I was overwhelmed but felt completely calm and safe. Out of His eyes a bright light was shining and within it. His passionate love, grace and peace just covered me. I was completely filled with joy I can’t describe. I could touch the feelings as if it was solid like a rock, but yet I was weightless… and it filled my total being!! At that moment I prayed for healing of my severe chronic headaches. He then spoke to me and said he will heal me… it was on the 5th day of July 2011. My healing happened in seconds!
Until today I never experienced those headaches again.
Although I try to recall that moment and feelings, there is no way at all to come even close to that!!!!!!!!! Then I started to experience chronic neck and back pain. For the last 7 years the pain just got worse. I kept on praying for ourcome and on the 10 th of February 2020, after several years of pain, several dr opinions and insets, God send me to the right dr. Ob the right time. This time God used Dr. RAATH in Jakaranda Hospital in SA, whom he gave the knowledge as to take away my chronic pain!!! A new life is ahead of me. 14 days after the procedure, I can truely say… God healed me again… though He used a human to do the operation… God himself was the surgeon!
Praise our Almighty Father God the Trinity. God the Father, His Son…Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit!!! Amen!!! Believe in Him and never stop praying. God will answer in His time which is always on time! All the glory, praise and honour to God Almighty Jesus Christ and the Holt Spirit!!!!!
Incredible. What an amazing way in which God was able to be there for you. Once by intervening himself and then through intervention with others to heal you. It just goes to show that our God is all powerful and loves us all so much. I am overwhelmed with the amount of love being shown for Jesus since I shared my testimony here and in church. It’s a real affirmation that we should be sharing our stories of faith with each other more. God bless you x