To start off, my name is Katy, and I am 18 years old. So sweet is the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. I grew up in a Christian home, but never understood what it meant to LIVE for God and SURRENDER your life to him. I found my joy through others rather than finding my joy in Christ.
At the age of 13, I began to go on the internet and pretend to be other people. It hurts my heart to remember how broken I was! I was deceiving others, messing with their heads, stealing others’ pictures. I got caught up in how great it felt to be someone else! On the internet, I could be anyone I wanted to be. How far I was from God! It never occurred to me that what I was doing was hurting other people and what I was doing was hurting myself.
I stopped at age 15, feeling the guilt heavy on my shoulders. I asked God for forgiveness, but I never confessed to anyone what I did. I lived my life, the guilt only reaching me once in a while. I would push it to the back of my head. When the guilt came, I felt like a criminal. A murderer. A worthless human being. I didn’t realize it then, but God wanted me to come back to Him. I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe God would want ME.
It was only recently that I confessed to my friends and family my broken past. What a huge burden lifted off of my shoulder! After talking to many people, I realized that although I stopped “internet faking” at age 15, I never stopped feeling like my life wasn’t enough. I never stopped going to others for acceptance. In a small corner of my heart, I still didn’t feel good enough. But how wrong I was!
I have finally realized that God wants to CHANGE my heart! He has been there for me through it all, just waiting for me to turn to him and give my ENTIRE life and heart TO HIM! Although my past is broken and full of sin – He still wants to use me! WOW!
The truth is, we are ALL sinners. Often times I feel that I am not worthy of His forgiveness – but WHO IS? The blood of Jesus Christ has covered our sins. No, he has not made what I did right. What I did was wicked and wrong. But through Jesus Christ, I can find hope and joy. Through Jesus Christ, I do not have to walk around with guilt and shame anymore. I have recognized my sin, I have had my fair share of guilt, and now, I have given my burden to Christ! God doesn’t want good works, he doesn’t want your good deeds – He wants you to humble yourself before him. Admit your brokenness and He will be faithful.
“Righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” – Romans 3:22
If anyone is struggling with the same thing I did, or if anyone is curious to hear more of my testimony, PLEASE contact me! I’d love to share and talk with you! The internet is a scary place. Satan knows how easily we are able to lie and sin through technology.
Don’t for ONE SECOND believe the lie that you are not good enough! No matter how far you’ve fallen, no matter how pathetic you feel, GOD CAN LIFT YOU UP! Amen.