God Saved Me from Severe Panic Attacks, Fear of Death, Depression, Porn and Hell

Hello! My name is Fernanda , I’m 17 and I would like to share my testimony on How God has healed me, forgiven me, changed me and saved me. Praise the Lord Jesus !

I grew up in a Catholic family. My parents took us to church every sunday. But I never paid any attention during mass , and I never truly understood anything about God or Jesus’ death and resurrection . I  had too many mental issues to even care at the time, I was a mess. I was terrified of death and this fear caused me to get awful panic attacks every single day. Especially at night . I would shake, feel dizzy, light-headed, my heart would race, I would have a falling down sensation and i felt out of touch with reality. I begged my parents to let me call 911 each time i got a panic attack. that’s how bad it was.

It is the worst feeling in the world, all i wanted was peace . I would cry thinking to myself. What if i suffer forever? what if the attacks never stop? I also suffered from depression at this time. I thought life was pointless and i didn’t want to do anything. I felt like i had nothing to live for. I would feel this horrible, dark , emptiness in my soul. I never thought there was any hope. I didn’t want to live anymore, but i was terrified of death too!

I would watch porn as a way to escape. It became an idol. Even though i felt guilty after watching it, I couldn’t seem to stop. It was my way of coping from all the stress, loneliness, fear and crippling depression. All of these emotions were slowly killing me, and I had no clue what to do. It was as if I had no solution , no way out of this dark, long hole.

I also worshipped bands as a way to cope with all of my pain. Sadly. I would watch videos of my favorite band on youtube for hours. The old me thought they were gods. At that time obsessing over them did give me some happiness, but it never lasted. I still felt alone and totally hopeless.

Then one day, I found out that the members in my favorite band are Christian , as a super-fan i respected that. And I guess I started to pay more attention to Christianity, I questioned.. what if it’s true?

I remember laying down in my bed late at night, longing for a higher power. For someone stronger than I, to take care of me, to take all my pain away, to save me. I found myself writing poems about that higher power. I craved it. In my poems, I questioned why this higher power felt so far away. As if this higher power didn’t care much about me. It hurt, I needed answers. My soul was yearning for God  but I had no clue how to search for God.

Then, something very scary took place. Everyone in my house was sleeping, and i was also about to sleep, When suddenly, I started to have very scary visions that felt incredibly real. I don’t want to go too into detail. But , basically I saw fire and dark shadowy figures. I felt this darkness surround me, and no matter how much water I drank, I was dying of thirst. I didn’t know what to do during the attack I just yelled until it stopped.

Weeks and a couple of months passed by, all the same. Until, I randomly asked my mom to take me to church. I felt a sense of urgency and I wanted to find God. My soul was in danger and I just wanted God in my life desperately.

We went to a Catholic church most Sundays, but again I didn’t pay much attention and i still didn’t know God.   So I began to go online, searching for answers. Who God is, what he’s like and things like that. I came across a site that explained the gospel and i broke down in tears. Ever since learning about the gospel and how Jesus died for my sins and all of our sins. I felt so touched and overwhelmed. I asked God for forgiveness, and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior and I invited him into my life. I would cry tears of joy a lot. It was amazing. All of my emptiness, panic attacks, depression, fear of death, were instantly gone. I could finally be at peace and find rest in our precious, powerful Lord!! Covered and redeemed by his blood, his love filled me up. I couldn’t be more thankful! My panic attacks stopped completely. No more darkness!

I left the Catholic church, and I decided to worship God on my own, read the bible and praise him in the comfort of my room. I became born again, and I also asked Jesus to baptize me in Holy Spirit and he did!!! I spoke in tongues, it was amazing.

God also delivered me from porn and lust. I did stumble and fall, but by Gods rich mercy, he has forgiven me and gave me a new heart and through his power I can resist temptation. I also quickly lost interest in the band I worshipped and repented from that idolatry.

My life is far from perfect, but I  know now that the creator of heavens and earth is with me. He has saved me,  and he looks after me. He blesses me with peace beyond understanding. I know that no matter what happens in this life, I am God’s child and I can always look to him for help, protection, peace and much more!

God bless you all and thanks for reading. All glory and honor goes to God!

 

 

 

 

4 Comments

  1. Pure Light 1/29/2018
  2. Mkole Shadrack Kamenya 2/1/2018
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  3. Raquel 2/3/2018

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