I give all praise and glory to our Father in Heaven and to His Son, our Beloved Savior, Jesus Christ!!!
I am a little over 3 years in Christ and the greatest joy for me is to get to know God every day more and more. The ways in which I get to learn His goodness, care, grace, love, restoration, healing and faithfulness in action. I am in awe of Him and of how He has been showing up in my life. Although this testimony is about how God has been and is healing me, it is actually about God revealing Himself to me as the Father and as the Good Shepherd, as the God who sees me and who cares deeply.
Recently, I have been to a one month Prayer Journey/Mission trip to Israel. It was a time so rich with blessing and favor that all His goodness was just overflowing. In the midst of all that I did receive in my spirit God’s gentle warning that I would be going through some time of hardship after my return. This was also prophetically confirmed by a few people that I met there, one of them saying that the enemy was planning an attack on was likely my health. Which didn’t surprise me since this had been one of my most vulnerable areas for almost all my life, but mostly the last two decades, with Mononucleosis and repeated infections, Chronic Fatigue and what not. So of course I prayed against this and asked other people to pray for me.
However, almost the day after I came back over three weeks ago, I became quite ill with what I first thought was the flu. I was knocked out by it and had to stay in bed for at least 80% of the time since I came back. I prayed, I fasted, I took all the natural remedies that I knew, nothing seemed to help. I went to see a doctor but the blood test didn’t yield any conclusive results. The symptoms began to shift, my whole body was aching, including my kidneys, I had cramps in my intestines, I lost weight and felt terribly drained and fatigued. I could feel my body fighting something. I began suspecting perhaps having contracted gastro-intestinal bug while in Israel, as I had been having some troubles in that area while there. All the time, I did my best to keep my faith and to stay focused on God and His goodness, as I believed to hear Him assure me that He would restore me.
However as after what felt like an improvement for a few days my symptoms again worsened and I ended up feeling even weaker then before my mind began to give in to the voice of the Father of lies and sower of all doubts and I began to slide down into a place of desolation and despair. This is in the context of my having had ongoing health problems for decades which resulted in a constant stop and go motion of my life which meant that no matter how often I went to pursue my dreams, I always came back to a point of being bed ridden sooner or later.
So to go on this Prayer Journey/Mission Trip was a huge thing for me and it was in answer to God’s calling. But after this recent setback in my health I began to lose hope to ever live according to the purpose God had for me in life. That night I could no longer put on a ‘ brave face’ which I had been trying for so long, I could no longer push for a victory through decrees or declarations. All I could do was to be broken before the Lord. I told Him how I realised that I was not in control of my body and that He was sovereign over it. I said to Him that I was going to practice now in earnest to put my cares on Him and to stop worrying and let go.
The next morning I woke up still with a heavy feeling and on the verge of depression. I neither felt the mental nor the physical strength to get out of bed. Suddenly, I heard the Lord speaking to me:
“Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
My first response was one of defiance, I could feel a Spirit of heaviness and despondency coming over me and all I felt like doing was to give up and rebel against the Lord in that moment. But before I knew it the words “Jesus, help me” flew out of my mouth. Immediately the atmosphere changed and I smiled in the Lord’s presence and being filled with His peace. Then I heard Him ask:
“Who am I?”
I said, “You are the Son of the living God, You are my Lord and Savior and my Healer.”
Then He asked: “Where am I?”
“You are seated at the right hand of the Majesty on high.”
“And who are you?”
“I am a child of God,” I said, smiling like one.
“Where are you?” He asked.
“I am hid with Christ in God. I am seated with You in heavenly places!”
And with this the heaviness just disappeared, I felt refreshed in my spirit and filled with new hope, peace and joy. I was able to get out of bed with no problem and went to have my quiet time of prayer and worship, praising and thanking the Lord for what He had just done. When I opened my WhatsApp afterwards I found a message from my Pastor. I am new at this church and so my Pastor doesn’t know me very well yet. The message was written at 11pm the night before. He had a verse for me from the Lord! Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you*, declares the LORD,*plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
I was blown away. I was so touched I started crying. This was exactly what I needed to hear and it meant so much to me coming from my new Pastor. I had lack the experience of good Fathering or Shepherding in my life so this experience made what I had always cried out for tangible for me. I wrote him back sharing a bit what had been going on and how much the Scripture spoke to me and how thankful I was to him to bless me with that.
So my mind and emotions were uplifted, yet physically I was still miserable. The next day was even worse than before, I could again not get out of bed and felt weaker than ever before and with a stabbing pain in my intestines and kidneys and nausea.
The next day was Sunday. I wanted to get ready to go to church. I felt so weak! I could hardly walk. It was getting later and later as I was taking ages to shower and to get dressed. At several points I considered giving up and staying at home since all my body desired was to lie down and sleep. But I heard God telling me to go. So I kept asking Jesus to help me and give me the strength to take one step after the other.
We have long church service of three hours, but by the time I finally made it, I was two hours late!! And this is a very small congregation, there were about 40 people there. I was glad I made it, though, as I could feel the Holy Spirit’s presence beginning to refresh me. After the service the Pastor came up to me an enquired about me. I apologised for being so late and told him what was going on with my health.
He asked me if he could pray with me. We sat down and I explained more about what had been going on with me since I came back from Israel. After enquiring about whether I had been seeing a doctor, he then turned the focus to our real doctor, Jesus Christ. He asked two of the elders to join us in prayer and read from James 5:13-14.
I was thrilled.
I am from Germany and not many churches here truly live by what the Word actually teaches. As they were praying for me one of the elders asked whether the problems lay in my tummy. He hadn’t heard what I had shared with the Pastor. We praised God for His revelation to Him and the Pastor began rebuking the pain and any infirmity and commanding it to come out of me. I released a few majors sighs and coughs. I could feel something shift inside of me. The Pastor then anointed me with anointing oil, just as is said in the letter of James. I was just so grateful! I had never experienced this level of care in a church. I know this sounds a little sad, but this is part of God’s healing journey with me.
I could feel a huge change after the prayer. The stabbing pain has disappeared. So has the kidney pain and the nausea. I could have my first proper meal in weeks on that day! Whereas I had to spent so many days in bed before I could be out and about today with no problem. I still will get further tests on possible pathogens, just to be sure. But whatever it is or was physically, spiritually something has lifted off of me and this has powerful positive impact on my body. I mean today, a day after the prayer, I was even able to dance before the Lord because I could not contain my joy!
I truly hope and pray that this testimony encourages whoever will be reading it, especially those who feel like giving up and losing hope. Even if this is but a step in my healing journey it is a major progress that gives me so much hope to be completely restored, just as the Lord has promised. May whoever reads this be also filled with hope and delight in our good Lord and Shepherd, our Healer and our good, good Father, who cares beyond what we can fathom. May the way He shows up for you heal any false image you have of Him, anything you may be carrying on from past relationships, especially to our parents. He is the God Who restores and He takes great pleasure in doing so.
I am learning that the waiting and the brokennes are key to our restoration. He is good, even when we don’t understand what is going on and why it is taking so long.
God bless you all!