Hello, I thank my Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ for what he has done for me even when I myself didn’t realize how far I had sunk. I am now in my mid 30’s and was once born again when I was in my early 20’s however, I used to hear people give testimonies of what they had done, where they had been and I always in my heart felt that ‘I have no testimony’ and would feel like I wasn’t as much of a Christian as the people with the big testimonies.
With time, I wandered off and went back to the world, and this is where the real story begins. The bible says that when a spirit leaves a person, it wanders through dry places and finding no place to rest, returns to its original house, finding it clean, it goes and brings seven evil spirits stronger than itself. That is what happened to me.
When I gave up salvation for the world. I was like the prodigal son who asked for his inheritance and by the time I came back, I was worse than he was for my life had become a playground for demons. I had demons that used to sexually attack me at night, even sometimes getting me off my bed spiritually and waking up in other places. Sometimes even under water.
I was afraid to go to bed because in the middle of the night, the demons would come, with a very strong paralyzing fear and when I was under that cloud of fear, then they could do whatever they wanted with me. I lived like that for almost 2 years, knowing that there was no one that could help me and being too ashamed to share it with anyone. How do you explain to your mother that when you are sleeping someone has sex with you? How do you tell your friends? Especially if it happens night after night. Sometimes it wouldn’t even be a man, but a creature like the underwater episode was a scaly creature.
It was nightmares that I knew nobody in this life could save me from. However, I wasn’t about to turn my life around to Jesus. I was having too much fun. But He was watching me, and He knew I needed deliverance, so things worked out in a way that I found myself leaving my country and my friends and going to a different country where the only people I knew were the ones I met through a church.
They invited me to go to a Christian conference and I thought it might be fun to see a different city, so I went. During the last day, I was so convicted that I ended up going forward to give my life to the Lord, but I did it with the utmost resistance. It was comical, I was so convicted that I was weeping buckets, but I wouldn’t budge from my seat. One of the ladies I had gone with came and led me to the front, but I was so undone that that night I refused to go to my bed and slept with her.
After that the demons still came, but this time, I was not alone for Jesus was with me. I love it when David in the Psalms says that God is his God who teaches his hands to war. For that is what He did for me. He taught my hands spiritual warfare. He led me in the bible leading where I came across verses, I might never have found so fast like Luke 10:19
Behold I give you power and authority to walk on serpents, scorpions and over all the powers of the enemy and nothing shall in any way hurt you.
I remember one time that the demons came for me like they normally did, they came in a cloud of fear and I got paralyzed however this time, I called out to Jesus and he reminded Luke 10:19 and I turned around and quoted the scripture to the creature that felt, I couldn’t see it, like a big bird like creature with wings and I grabbed it and as I quoted the scripture to it, tore it piece by piece and I could feel gooey stuff running down my fingers, and I was throwing the pieces on the ground. The thing was limp and powerless in my hands. I couldn’t believe it! For almost two years, this thing terrorized me and here all along I could have had the means to tear it to pieces! The demons became subtle though and they would come in form of fake dreams.
I might be having a conversation with someone (it could be anyone) but if the person asked a question that I said yes to, I was attacked. But still the Lord was with me, and He would reveal to me their devices. It got to the point that I couldn’t even be lied to in a dream. He has been so wonderful to me. However, there was something interesting that he revealed to me. He revealed to me that it was easy for the enemy to attack me because I had a spirit of fear. I had been bullied when I was 8 years and since then, I became a very fearful child.
So in order to be completely free of their hold on me, I had to be delivered of this, which He himself did for me one night while I was alone at night. I am in my mid-30’s but that night, before the Lord I turned into that 8 year old girl again walking home by herself and taking the long way home and arriving hours later. I remembered the pain and the loneliness of those days and I told Jesus about it and He told me I never walked alone, he was always with me. I was able to share my pain, shame and loneliness with him and he healed me and the spirit of fear had nowhere to hide anymore. I was set completely free.
Since then I have had a wonderful relationship with my Lord, one day early on in my salvation I cried out to God and told him I needed to see him. I told him I have seen a lot of evil and wanted to see something good now from him and nowhere else. He gave me the best surprise that I have ever received in my life. For months he would send an angel to wake me up to pray. It was amazing, sometimes somebody would gently scratch my feet and I would wake up praying and then later I would think “that was crazy! Somebody scratched your feet and your launch into prayer?” Other times somebody would push my back from behind (and at this time I am lying on my back) so how can one get their hand through the mattress? And yet it would happen, and I would go straight to prayer. At other times somebody would gently knock my headboard.
The recurring theme in all of these episodes was that when this happened I would launch into prayer and not the sort of ‘help me Lord’ but praise and thanksgiving. It was such a big difference from the demon visitation where I would get completely paralyzed and my mind would get scrambled, it actually started to happen this way when I got born again and so sometimes I would be attacked but couldn’t pray because my mind was all scrambled. I am so grateful that my God brought something beautiful in my life to replace the nightmares I went through. So now I look foreward to going to bed because I know my God might send his angel to come wake me up, isn’t it beautiful that he has replaced my nightmares with special moments? Actually now, night time is my best time because when I go to bed, sometimes I just lie in bed and meditate on him and sometimes I feel his very presence with me. Sometimes I lie for hours just talking to him and it is so incredible that sometimes I feel that we are having a real conversation, sometimes I ask him questions that I hear the answers immediately.
I remember when I first meditated on him and I felt his presence, it was so great, so peaceful full of love and joy but all I wanted was to run off. So the next time, I asked him why I just want to run away though I want to stay too and he told me because I don’t know how to receive love, and I realized that it was true. I told him then He has to teach me to love and to recieve it and He is doing that step by step. I no longer run away from his presence now but I don’t go to him as much as I want to, which still shows that I still I am leery of pure love, but I know He will not give up on me. Another time, he told me that I don’t trust him. I was shocked, but he actually started showing me how I trust him as much as I trusted my father who was never there as I grew up, and again I had to go back to him and ask him to show me how to trust.
God is wonderful and he really really cares. He cared enough about me remove me from all the distractions that kept me away from him, he cared enough to have my friends invite me to the conference, he has cared enough to show me how to overcome my failings and I know not to be surprised anymore for Jesus came that they might have life and have it in abundance and I have seen him reveal to me all the areas of my life where I am not living life in abundance. I learnt, I am sure He led me, to always pray that He might reveal to me any lie that I believe about him, and He has been faithful to do it and He has not only revealed them to me, but written the corresponding truth in my heart. I have learnt to trust him because He can be trusted.
He actually told me that He is not a sadist. I had very many misconceptions about God, and I always make it my prayer to pray for truth in all things and how He has surprised me! I now realize that when I left him before, I hadn’t really known him. Now that I know him, I say with Peter
“Lord where can I go, seeing that you alone have eternal life?”
God bless you abundantly for reading my testimony and may you also make “Lord, reveal to me any lie that I believe about you, and lead me to your truth in all things” your prayer and you will be very surprised at how much you come to know him. God bless you all.
Thank you my Jesus, my Lord and my Master all the glory and honor belongs to you for who you are in my life. Amen