My life was a mess in all areas and none more punishing than my financial situation which was always lacking. I couldn’t manage to pay for the basic services required to sustain a young family. I was always behind with some payment, and it wasn’t because I was lazy. I was a hard working single parent that was holding down three jobs. My best was never good enough; it was frustrating knowing that I couldn’t achieve any relief. The harder I worked, the less I had at the end of the day.
I wasn’t healthy in mind or body; In fact, I was laden down with many debilitating diseases. I tried to manage, and control my physical pain with prescription drugs, but there was really nothing to help me with my emotional pain.
My schedule was punishing as I worked non-stop for seventeen hours a day. I would collapse every night in a state of exhaustion. My schedule allowed me 6-7 hours sleep per night which is considered healthy and good, but for me it just wasn’t meeting my need. I could have slept sixteen hours a day and still it wouldn’t have been enough to quench my thirst. I struggled to wake up in the morning: It felt like I was being forced out of anaesthesia. My eye lids kept closing down as the relentless sense of heaviness forced them shut. Mornings were like hell.
My food intolerances were high so I wasn’t free to eat the type of grub that I would have enjoyed, and that was a problem because I thought my diet was the answer to my problems. Could I really eat my way back to health? Would I fill my gut enough to dull that inner sense of emptiness? Could I replenish my energy levels by grazing all day? Could I get any comfort from calories? The answer to all four questions was a resounding no! I could devour three full packets of chocolate biscuits just trying to reach the state of fullness. It was like trying to fill the ocean with a thimble. I had so much sugar inside that I wanted to vomit and still I had no energy. Then I would feel worthless, guilty and disgusting which was only fueling the original dissatisfaction. It was futile!
I discovered that there is no answer on this earth that could ever hope to satisfy and sustain my life. Real happiness cannot be found in the world nor sustained by its devices. I was looking for Love in all the wrong places. I had exhausted every avenue and realized that I was living in hell because all roads were leading me nowhere. I had reached a point of total collapse and it seemed like suicide was the only way out of a state called pain. But I wasn’t satisfied with that conclusion because a deeper truth was stirring in my spirit. The world is escaped through truth not by death. I dropped the atheistic shackles and fell to my knees. I screamed out to God and demanded that he give me His peace and the answer to all my problems. I wasn’t holy and polite. I was full of rage and spewed my venomous words into the heart of His Spirit. That didn’t stop my unconditionally loving God. He just Loved me more and sent His Son Jesus to bring me back to Him.
Jesus arrived with an Angel. He was dressed in a brilliant white robe that seemed to have been weaved out of light. His skin was illuminated by a golden aura and His blue eyes twinkled like like sapphires. His smile was captivating and I could feel every chain of bondage breaking and falling away. I was raised into a Celestial Order before completely disappearing into the Heart of God. I was gone eleven earthly hours.
I was full of joy on my return and streaming with real life. All of my diseases had been healed including skin cancer. I was no longer empty; I felt satiated for the first time. I was no longer hungry and my energy levels were sky high and limitless. My sleep pattern was reduced to two or three hours per night. I had no fear and all my problems seemed to vanish. I quit my job, and the world and took rest. I gave my life in complete surrender to Him. There is no loss in the Lord. All my needs are met in Him. Life is now simple, sweet and joyful because I know Jesus is the One constant Friend that is wholly dependable and trustworthy. He’s taken me to places I never thought I would go. He’s blown my mind and tells me,
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
It doesn’t matter what is going on in my life or in the world because I have the kind of peace that is immovable and unshakable. I found life because I found God. I no longer seek externally because His Spirit dwells in me. In His Presence, my mind is free to do His Will, and the result is real happiness. Giving in Christ service is bountiful. It liberates the soul and brings benediction to my own heart. The rewards are plentiful and come from beyond this world. I feel happy for no darn reason. It isn’t attributable to anything in this world, and so it cannot be taken away. I no longer resist God’s Word, but instead, I feast on the truth every day because God’s definition of what I am is beautiful. It fills me with Love and embraces me like a warm blanket. It replaces my own ideas which were always ugly and self defeating. My days are filled with miracles because the living Christ is the way, the truth and the life!
All Glory belongs to God!