I grew up in a Christian family and went to church most of the time. I believed in God. But I never really truly had a relationship with God. I would ask him of things when I really needed help.
But as soon as I was satisfied I forgot about God and was back living my own life.
I was just living in the world and never had my mind set on the things above and the things afterlife. I was just trying to chase the world day by day. I honestly never even prayed to God, I didn’t even know how to. I had a bible I bought a long time ago just so I could have my own bible, but I probably didn’t even read a full chapter in it. I never listened to Christian worship music because to me it was just not flowing, the world music fit my lifestyle. I said bad words nonstop since I was a kid and there was nothing to stop me, it became part of my speech. I knew nothing about the Holy Spirit and that Jesus gave us the Spirit to lookout for us, be there for us and in us. In short, my eyes were closed, my ears couldn’t hear nothing of the Kingdom of God an God himself. That’s why I didn’t find interest in reading the bible even though I kept telling myself I got to, one day, I will one day.
One day I actually picked it up and wiped the dust off it and put it back down. I wasn’t drawn to it, I was so far out of a relationship with God I was only focused on my own life. Somehow there was this thought in my mind, I’m not sure if I heard it somewhere, I don’t know, but it was about surrendering to God. And In my mind I would think I don’t want to do that because I still want to live my own life and do different things, and by surrendering to God I don’t want him to take me somewhere and I don’t want to be, and won’t be able to live my own life in freedom.
Soon going to church I felt this peace and satisfaction being there and singing worship songs there. I never wanted to skip a Sunday, something kept taking me back. Sometimes a worship song was on in my car while driving and I felt something peaceful and satisfying but I would switch back to a different worldly song, and it happened plenty of times but I didn’t know why. And I finally came to a point where I just wasn’t satisfied with life, I honestly wasn’t happy even though the hyped person I am most of the time, I came to a dead end. I got tired of living the same life over and over again day by day, even thinking of a great future, I asked is this all there is?
What if there is no God and we are really in this world alone?
What evidence do I have that God is there, I never even felt him, what if I was born in a different religion and then what?
And deep down inside I still believed on God, I just had all the doubt I could have, and hit the point to either give up on God or give up to him. And I chose to give up to God. I told God “if you are there, I am here, I never felt you and don’t know if you exist, how can I know, but If you are there God, I surrender to you and my life is in you’re hands, take over!”
Right after I said that from the bottom of my heart, God took over, I think it was the same night or the next day, the only explanation I can tell you is that I felt GOD! There is no other way I can put it. Immediately His grace poured out on me, I was the happiest person in the world! Everything changed. My life took a turn, in the right direction. It was supernatural. I would’ve never believed someone if they told me this could happen. I can’t explain the love of God I felt and I was non stop listening to Christian worship music everyday just praising Him right after that.
I told God before how can I stop listening to worldly music at the gym, that’s literally gym music for me I can’t stop that. And a week or so went by and I catch myself listening to worship music at the gym extremely happy. I didn’t delete any songs or take any steps, it just happened; only God can do that. I started reading God’s word and was drawn into it, and wanted to know more and know more God. And I finally found out about the Holy Spirit and that He led me to that decision.
I took the focus off of myself and onto God. There is a deeper peace satisfaction knowing God is in control of my life.
My heart transformed and its desires became different, my mind was renewed and I got a relationship with God that I won’t trade for anything. Each day God is on my mind, just like someone in a relationship. My eyes were opened and ears were hearing, I started following the Holy Spirit and listening to the next steps that I should take.
I joined men’s group at a church then ministry classes at our church. At the end of the ministry classes when the pastors were praying for each one of us one by one, after they prayed for me, they moved on, but I felt this hand touch my heart, and it was a good feeling, and I had to open my eyes to see why is anyone touching me because I know they are done praying for me, I looked, no one is there, but the hand is still touching me, I knew it was God, and right away a wave of a feeling I cant explain start rising to my head and it was just there non stop for a minute or so, and I was out of words, I couldn’t believe it was happening. I had to lookout around if anyone is seeing this. It was the best feeling in the world, It was God’s touch and I didn’t know what to say. It was like Jesus was right there standing and touched me with his hand. My faith grew stronger.
Romans 12:2 says,
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 says
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come,”
Ecclesiastes 1:14 says
“I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
Paul had all the world could offer and he could’ve chosen to go back to his old lifestyle but he chose to follow and live for Jesus instead. God has a plan for us all. It is up to us to follow that plan or follow our own.