My year started out with a nightmare this year. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to the voice of God telling me to check my husband’s phone. Upon doing so I found out that he had been living two lives for TWO years. We have been married almost 8 years and have 2 young children 4 and under. We dated 8 years before getting married (I saved myself for marriage, he did not).
Well, this morning brought destruction as it was revealed to me that not only did my “Christian husband” have an affair (and was currently in one) for TWO years both emotionally and sexually, but that they had conceived a child just a month after our second child was born over a year ago and they had aborted it. I looked through the call log on the phone and he was talking to her at least 20x per day.
Here I am, a mother who sacrificed her career almost 4 years ago to stay home and raise our children and here he is off having a second life? My world tore apart. We have since begun seeing a Christian counselor and have separated, but I see NO remorse, just a simple
“Sorry.”
He wants to get back together but although I know I am commanded by God to forgive him, how do I ever “accept” the leftovers? He gave this woman EVERYTHING of him. There is NOTHING to give me he hasn’t give her (emotionally, physically, conceiving a child). All the while lying to me.
I had even asked him several times these past two years about an affair, and he said, “On the lives of our children I am NOT having an affair.” Even the night before I found out he said, “I would NEVER do anything to mess up what we have.” Then as I went to bed that night he went to his mistress on the phone (according to his call log).
I just woke up during these wee hours of the morning crying before God
“WHY? WHY?”
I KNOW I serve a living God. I know I serve a God of MIRACLES, but the pain is SO much to bear…how do I survive? If I knew I could have my kids 100% I would just leave and say good riddance to him, but I want SO badly for
- God to be glorified in my life
- for my children to come to know God as their personal Lord and Savior
I feel so trapped. How do I heal? I am heavily in God’s word and still feel so much pain. Oh God take this pain! Hear my prayer, my cry for help. Rescue me from this hell. And all the while may YOU be glorified!!
I’m sorry I don’t have much encouragement to offer, just a few verses.
1 Corinthians 7:10 – 16.
May God bring you through.
The Bible says that God heals the broken hearted and bindeth up their wounds. Take God’s Word by faith and run with it sister.
Psalm 91:1-16 read and meditate. Dont ask why or dont try to figure out why this happened. Trust the Lord with all your heart. He will see you through I pray for you my sister in Christ.
I was just browsing the internet and came across this website and read your post. I know all too well what you are going through/have been through. Only difference, the other woman actually had the other baby about 2 months after our youngest child was born. I was beyond hurt and bitter for the longest. What was most hurtful was the fact that this young lady and I were good friends in high school. In the beginning she had no idea he was my husband as she met him at the grocery store he worked and she and I hadn’t been in touch since graduating high school in 2003. Yet, when she did find out he was my husband they still continued to mess around. This was in 2008/2009 all of this took place. My number one mistake was not trusting in God and calling on Him during this hard time. I began to to things on my own and my way, cheating as well. I ended up pregnant but had an abortion because I didn’t want to use a baby just to back at my husband. After ending that affair I immediately started another one that lasted for 9 months and my marriage actually ended in divorce last year. As I began to really seek the Lord, get in my Word, pray and build on my relationship with Christ, my eyes began to open. I realized my mistakes as well in my marriage (although I’m not making an excuse for anyone ever cheating on their spouse). I asked God to forgive me for commiting adultery instead of looking to Him to heal my hurt and reveal to me what was to be done. See, the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and will take anyone out any way possible. Satan is already a defeated foe and he knows his days are numbered so he wants to take as many people to the pit of hell with hin as he can. Some people turn to to drugs, some lie, some cheat, some steal, some commit adultery, whatever. Anything that seperates you from God and causes you to be disobedient is sin. When the flesh rises we will do the unthinkable at times. When we’re going through the storm it’s easy to let the flesh rise versus being stedfast in the spirit. Even during the hardest of times we just have to lean on God. When we say “Yes Lord” or “Use me Lord” we have to mean it. I love the song “I Give Myself Away” and Shekinah Glory’s “Yes”. Immediately I get so wrapped up in it and I’m one of those very people saying “Yes Lord, use me. You are the potter and I am the clay.” Yet the second we say that, you better believe we will go through the fire, but how else can we grow strong unless we’re tested? We know God will not put more on us than we can bare. Yes the pain seems unbearable and I know you have so much going through your head. You don’t want to feel like a fool for taking him back or working past this. At his point, stop thinking about it and fall on your knees and pray. And I mean really lay before God and ask Him to come into this situation, reveal himself and show you what to do. See, Jesus knows what hurt, betrayal and heartache feels like. Tell God you’re hurting, tell him you’re disappointed and upset. David did this throughout Psalms and it’s ok to do. God wants us to come to Him and share these things. But I do want you to understand as I mentioned, the enemy kills, steal and destroys so don’t think for one minute that he hasn’t been after your marriage. So many marriages are ending in divorce nowadays and we know as children of God that is not His will. Now it is in the Word that adultery is a ground for divorce, but God did not say you can’t forgive your spouse and try to work it out either. Only you know how you feel and what you can put up with. After you pray about it I’m more than certain God will lead you on what to do and you will feel at peace about it. I did forgive my husband and we’re actually in the process of being remarried March 31st. We have both truly repented and turned our lives over the Lord. We’re both youth leaders at our church and going into ministry together full force. God can do the impossible. It’s ok to cry for now but claim your victory because Jesus has already given it to you. Know that your deliverence will come through your praise. The pain is not going to go away over night. I’ll admit here and there I hear that voice that asks am I sure I want to remarry him after all of this? I know God has ordained this though and I am going forth with it. See, the enemy knew we had a ministry all along and souls would be saved through us. The devil just wanted to break this marriage up so we wouldn’t go forth in ministry. Now I have a testimony and I’m a witness as to what God can do. Had I not gone through this, I wouldn’t understand how to go forth in my ministry. My husband and I have been meeting so many married couples with problems and we share our testimony. We don’t just go around telling people our business, but we do share it when we feel it will help others. Just know that one day this will all turn out for a testimony for you and You will get your joy and peace of mind back. Even if it seems like you’re husband isn’t coming around the way you want him to right away, keep praying and keep fighting. My husband seemed like he didn’t have a care in the world at first. I had humbled myself and began to do the right things and he was still out in the world playing. He did come to terms one day after hearing a sermon and being convicted. At first I felt like what’s the point in working on this because my husband isn’t sincere. Not my will but God’s will be done. Sometimes we can’t see it but we walk by faith and not by sight anyway. I am truly and sincerely praying for you since I understand your pain wholeheartedly. God bless you my sister. May the love and grace of God be with you and keep you.
I reply to this as a equal human being, not as a preacher or teacher or expert.
There are a number of points I would like to make.
1. You are a daughter of the Lord. You have been created with a worth and purpose. You, as a woman, as a person and as a daughter of God have been created to be loved, honoured and be treated with truth and respect by a man. You, as a woman, as a person and as a daughter of God has been created to love, to honour and treat your man with truth and respect. You are capable of loving as equally as you are worth of being loved. Do not forget this. During times of great pain, we can struggle with who we are, our purpose and our worth.
2.By treating others and yourself with respect, truth and honour you are glorifying God.
3. With your prayers and heart crying out to the Lord, he does hear you. He hears you now.
4. A man is commanded in Bible to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for his bride.
5.A marriage relationship is not one sided, a relationship is two people.
6. What your \”christian\” husband has done is failed to honour you and your marriage. He has lied outright to your face in order to cover his selfish decisions. His decisions which are a disadvantage to his family, his children and wife emotional and physical health and wellbeing. As a man, he is given the responsibility to lead the family spiritually, to protect the marriage and family, to love and honour his wife and family. As a man, he had not done this.
7.Wives are only commanded to submit themselves to their husbands, \”as in the Lord\”. When their husbands are leading within spiritual doctrine. When their husbands are behaving in a way that is against or not in line with the Bible commandments of marriage, the wife does not have to submit to them.
8. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to place yourself in a position to be used, abused, lied to, or have your family peace comprimised, your your own health and well being comprimised. You can forgive someone and still leave them or stick up for yourself or seek justice.
9. I would ask yourself and your husband why he wants to get back together. And take his answer with a grain of salt. Ask youself, how will/does having him back in teh family benifit you and the children spiritually, emotionally and generally and how will/does it not benefit your family.
10. You are doing the right thing in reading the Bible and praying. Firstly and foremost, seeking God is totally right.
Whatever you decide to do and decisions you make, whether or not you decide to stay with him and give him another go, or stay with him indefinately in hope that he comes to the Lord and stops his behaviour or leave the marriage, I hope all goes well for you.
Its extremely painful when someone we love and who holds so much importance, treats us like this and then also, continues in their behaviour as if your feelings and hurt dont matter.
Your pain is real and God knows it. DO NOT give up, cause the Lord IS with you even in your deepest pain and confusion.
Hello,
I don’t know if this will help…I my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. I am having a difficult time dealing with this because…I told a lie that I had a had a boyfriend before him…when I did not…I did this because he is very handsome and nice and I didn’t want to seem like a geek…I also was stressed out a lot and would not give him enough attention…I am still growing in my faith and have become A LOT closer to God in the past month!!! Which is probably part of his plan…pray about your situation and pray to God to help your husband…I wish my boyfriend would give me a second chance…but I understand that God may have different plans…I am praying for you…PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!:):):)
Dear Sister in the Lord,
NO body should have to go through this type of pain. Just my empathy of you urges me to write this. I have a testimony to give and have been bursting to express myself but didnt know how to put it on the net.
I am a married Indian lady. My husband and I have been through really bad times in the past fifteen years of marriage. Due to problems with my mother-in-law and complete emotional neglect from his side, I have suffered immensely in the initial part of our marriage. Due to his abused childhood my husband though a very good man, will not allow anyone to be close to him. Least of all me. To add the cherry on the top of the pudding I was saved after our marriage and to date he is not. We were childless for eleven years and miraculously the Lord gave without medical intervention. I am now a forty year old mother with two toddlers. Due to my Lord God Jehovahs provision, I am happily settled, my husband loves me and we have reached a place in our lives that we have not experienced before.
For years I have grieved that he is unsaved. He will not allow me to go for fellowship either. I am baptized but he does not know this. Recently as I cried out to the Lord in desperation, I received this message which never occurred to me before. I AM THE DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF ZION. I just have to receive my blessing which he has begun to give. Whatever the Lord God , my husband (Isaiah 54) wishes to give me,He will give me regardless of anyone else. And if I receive, it will be given to me pressed down and overflowing…overflowing into my loved ones lives???
Dear one, I pray to the Holy spirit that He conveys this message not only to you but to every woman, every man who despairs for their unsaved spouses salvation, or for those who pray for saved spouses when they have not any. It doesnt matter where you stand, It doesnt matter who you’re with, nothing matters except you understand who you are in the sight of Jehovah God, and RECEIVE in the name of His only son Jesus Christ.
He will doubly and triply bless you and remove your every grief, not only in the coming kingdom but Now in this life and from now onwards. Just BE AWARE and pray for the guidance of the Holy spirit.
I speak as one who has been depressed, rejected, and on the brink of insanity. My Lord has restored my inner strength that I am so convicted of His salvation and His presence in my life. I yet have to win my husbands heart completely, but I believe with my heart what my eyes cannot see, that one day, I will stand and worship in one spirit.
I bless you sister, in the name of Jesus Christ. May His Holy spirit act in your life, Now and abundantly,
Amen.
Hi, I’ve been reading many testimonies on this website and it has been a great encouragement to my spirit to hear of what God CAN do. Dear Hopeful,he I honestly don’t know what to say, but that my parents were in your shoes. My momma went thru the same pain – but she managed to pull through with God’s help. We the children are also learning to heal. I have a question for Christina though. I’ve always wondered to God – since my papa has another child with another woman, how in the world could a man and woman reconcile while there’s his other family around? Is that possible?
I’m sorry if I asked wrongly here but I still wish my parents would reconcile but a Christian marriage counselor did say that it will be very difficult. So I wonder how God did that for you and your husband. Thanks.
God Bless all of you on here! To Christina, thank you especially for your reply, ( I am not the author of this story ) but just a read passing through. I’m going through a similar situation however, the man is not my husband, but I thought my fiance and he cheated and gave me a STD then tried to put in on me that I’m the one who did it. But I found out on his phone that he had in fact cheated, which also confirms the STD since I haven’t been with anyone else. What hurts the most is that someone I loved, trusted and would have done anything for would be so cruel to me. I have not received an apology for any of it but I don’t believe I ever will:( I talk to God everyday, pray and read the bible and am working on improving how I live everyday! It still hurts so bad though but I know, as well as God the truth about what happened and my ex can’t hide from that even if he doesn’t apologize.
@ Hyacinth: So far as our situation, she wont let him see the child. We all did sit down in the beginning and we thought it would be best if she dropped their daughter off and picked her up so they can spend time vs. him going over there. We had planned that and out of nowhere she decided she didn’t want him to have anything to do with the child. He tried a couple of times to no avail. Last we heard she left st. Louis for Boston. If she or the child ever reaches out we’ll gladly accept her with open arms. At the end of the day, it wasn’t the child’s fault. I also told my husband years laughter as this child becomes a woman, if she ever wants to know what happened and why she came about if he was married, to tell her the truth. Also, he already had a son when we met so right off hand I was introduced and got used to there being another child. @Dannie, you’re welcome. The pain is definitely real when it comes to this and yes, it is hard in the beginning. We’re human and we have feelings and emotions but all I could do was give that pain to God. No, it wasn’t an overnight process. I struggled with it for months and it still crosses my mind every so often. That’s how the enemy operates though and I will not give in. I have made the decision to love my husband and get past this. I do pray for you Dannie and I can only hope since you gave your input a little over a month ago that it has only gotten better. Today has been the hardest day ever for me since remarrying. Out of nowhere my aunt decides she wants to share her opinion about how stupid I am to have remarried and blah, blah, blah. Apparently she had been talking to her mom because then my grandmother calls and wants to say the same thing. Very respectfully I told them this is my life and my decision. I appreciate their concern as it’s natural but to basically butt out. (Especially coming from two people with two failed marriages each). I will leave you with this. First, it’s ok and natural to go throw the mourning process because as I said, that pain is real and no one and I mean no one can tell you how to feel. Yet there comes a time when a decision has to be made to stick with it and work it out or leave it alone and move on. I greatly respect every single’s person opinions on here. We all handle things differently and the input was great and valuable. I just hope that with the person originally making this post is content with whatever decision they make. If you stay, great and keep your marriage before God. If you leave, you did what was right for you and no one has to live this life but you and still continue to praise God and keep Him the head of your life. Keep in mind, you can’t control the way a person treats you but you can control whether or not you will put up with the “treatment” good or bad.