For the past two months , I’ve been out of a relationship with a physical abusive narcissistic.. .for the past 3 years the relationship lowered my self esteem, pushed me away from my family, numerous beatings etc. Stitches, black eyes, car accidents almost losing my life twice! I’m proud to say that I’m Finally out.
Last night I decided to attend a meeting at aa church call “Phoenix night ” for young singles, widowers etc. I haven’t been to a church in sooo long, I’m very shy and was afraid to go somewhere where I didn’t know anyone. It was raining extremely hard last night … so my mind kept telling me not to go “you’re tired” “don’t go” instead of going you can be resting in your bed” my mind was telling me things of that nature. Eventually I push those thoughts to the side because the woman that invited me would be very disappointed if I didn’t show up.
So I decided to go, when I walked in, there were about 8 people… young girls like me. instantly I felt welcomed, they all greeted me with warm hugs. We all introduced ourselves and made small talk. After refreshments, we all sat in a circle and introduced ourselves, also stating some facts about one another, this is the first night for this event that’s why I believe they did not have a lot of people.
I do not attend church that often. I did go to church occasionally but never felt a real connection at my family church. I would always want the Pastor to single me out and tell me how great my future would be but it never happened. So I was so lost because I had so many questions that needed to be answered. I believe in God, but sometimes so doubtful because I just could not experience that intimate relationship with Him like others, there would be times I would be jealous of how others spoke of him… I used to want that so bad… like how come I can’t feel these things they all talked about ?
Fast forward to PRAYER time at church , the male Pastor got up and came straight to ME! I was so scared. He said
“Young lady, I seen you as soon as you hit the door.”
He asked me if I was familiar with the “Humpty Dumpty” story I said “Yes” as I screwed up my face at him. He said something that happened to me is telling him that I’ve been through a very hard time .. that I was extremely broken just like when Humpty Dumpty fell down . It WAS true! He then told me that God told him to tell me he sees the WILL in me to get better. That God said he will put me back together he doesn’t care how many pieces I’ve broken into … he said that MAN will try to put me back together but it’s HIS job. He said he seen helping and sharing my testimony to help MANY MANY women.
That my voice would be heard all over the world. That God is getting ready to remove those “so called ” friends of mine and replace them with new ones. Because my friends would be the ones to always bring me back to that Dark Place. He said I’m not alone and to stop isolating myself from the world. Satan wants me to sit and cry for hours in the dark. Alone.
I was crying so hard by this point bc everything was SO true! A couple of days before this night , I had contacted my good friend who’s into production about me wanting to write a book about my life and what I’ve been through. After telling my friend about what I had been through he was so amazed and suggested that I write the book. Being that it was ME… the sweet, quiet, loving girl that been through the things I’ve had. No one would have ever thought I have been through things like that!
Now I feel so motivated to follow my dreams! There were many nights I would ask God constantly what is my purpose LORD? Now I feel like this is my purpose. To help those young women break free from Bondage and Soul Ties! Believe me it’s still hard because I have a child with this person and he still thinks he controls me even with a new relationship he’s in. But I’m ready to fight with God on my side !!