What am I doing?

This is my first post. Sorry if it runs on.  God Bless.

Here I am again. But this time, I am staying. Lord, I hear you. Why are you talking to me? Thank you for talking to me. This is the start of my journal. This is the start of my journal of life listening to you. I heard you in the past, and I didn’t listen.

Sunday I was not happy MiMi brought the Pastor along. He was leaving a full congregation to talk to me..And I was too afraid to talk to him”¦Not only that but the evil one entered me as I tried to fight it. Clenching my teeth like the what I read about the pagans doing in scripture lasnight. He didn’t want me to go”¦He sort of won”¦But not really. He never wins. I didn’t talk much to the Pastor..not about my fear of stepping out in faith. But the situation got me thinking”¦and hearing you and the devil fight over my soul.

I paced the house..I continually thought you can’t do it..You can’t go into the ministry. Me? Brad BARNARD? This guy with a reputation like mine. I was shot dealing with drugs..I have been arrested..a total drunk.. I have thoughts all the time that are wrong. How can I be called? I am a sinner! I think sins all the time..I curse, I have screamed at my wife. Treated my wife in a way no woman should be treated.

I told my wife my doubts..my fears..And she asked what am I afraid of? Are you afraid of doing what’s right? This sinful world makes me feel I am too full of sin to ever be in the ministry. i wept”¦Summer went through all my jobs and my life and how I can never find my nich. I think she is telling me my nich is right here in my face”¦

I have lived this life only to feel shame. You are the way out of the shame” Openly working for you..Helping others come to you”¦..But I keep feeling scared its not me.

Then I got on the computer searching.listened to random preachers on youtube..then I went to my podcast of joel hunter..I decided I would choose one. I chose Building Spiritual Relationships. Thinking it would be about finding new friends..It was an ok sermon as it started..but then it took me directly to the answer to the questions I had been asking myself.

He started to discuss how God see’s us not as individuals, not a community. Then to our individual call to salvation”¦You ask me, “œwho do you say I am”? when Jesus looked at Peter he saw a church. When he looks at me he sees a church.

Here is what is difficult. Look in the mirror and call yourself reverend. God recognizes me as a minister”¦he then went on asking the same questions. “œGod how could you use me? You know the sinner I am!” I think that because I know I am a sinner- We are all sinners. Does the Bible not say all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God? If God can’t use sinners, he aint got nobody to work with. So what does this mean? We are a bridge”¦You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to help others get close to God. It’s not according to what I think I am, it’s according to what God thinks I am.Not according to my power, it’s according to Gods power. It’s not my plan it’s His plan. WE DON’T HAVE CONFIDENCE IN OURSELVES, WE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN GOD. If He can use us for anything He can use us for ANYTHING. He then talked about clinker bricks..and how they are imperfect..A church in new York they built the entire building out of clinker bricks..We are all clinker bricks”¦God is building the household as clinker bricks. Clinker bridges are better because people say you know if God can work through them He can work through me. They know by my life what God can use. We are clinker bricks.
Issaiah 28 16 So this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
“See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a tested stone,
a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
the one who trusts will never be dismayed.
I am trusting you now Lord.
Let me add the trip to Jeruselem”¦..Are you calling me there? I am scared to go there, but feel this may be where my minestry may take me”¦Sum thinks I should..I decided to show her Northlands knew morning and night versus online”¦here is the one that came up.
John 4:27-38 just then his disciples returned and were surprised to find him talking with a woman. But no one asked, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”

Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”

But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

Ephesians 2:13 NIV
But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.
My wife says whoa? I said what? She said 4 month from today you would be in the Holy Land. Jesus said”Do you not say 4 months more than the harvest? I tell you open your eyes and look at the fields!They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

My eyes are open Jesus”¦And my eyes are opening to look at the fields. They are ripe for Harvest”¦.Stop letting the reaper draw wages from harvesting the crop”.

My journey for you begins..I guess it already began long ago. But my eyes are open for the Harvest Lord. I see the ripe fields.

Amen

8 Comments

  1. Serious Things 10/29/2010
  2. Brad 10/29/2010
  3. Serious Things 10/30/2010
  4. brad 10/31/2010
  5. Serious Things 11/4/2010
  6. Brad 11/4/2010
  7. Shirley MacNaughton 11/6/2010
  8. catherine 4/22/2011

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