Not sure where to start. I am married though currently separated from my husband. Got saved about a year into relationship but grew more when we were married. My husband could not deal with the radical changes that occurred in me and seemed to almost be fighting for attention with God, not understanding what God coming first in our lives meant.
I couldn’t deal with who he was becoming either, because as he studied, he became more and more worldly picking up some habits that he would have never dreamed of before. Needless to say, we were pulling from opposite ends and the battle was huge. He had an affair briefly which he confessed but I had also suspected. I found that hard to overcome but felt that God was telling me to stay, and he would bring restoration (OCCURED 2006 – 3 years into marriage).
It took me a while but eventually I began to try and work things out. Trust was a major issue and I have never been comfortable in the first place with male female ‘friendships’ especially where marriage is involved. Amidst all this chaos was our little boy 7 now.
I pray for my son all the time because it has affected him greatly especially because his father tends to not involve himself with him a lot, it’s heartbreaking when a man chooses career and progress over his own flesh and blood. I live with my son and have to comfort him in those times when it really gets him down.
Anyway, now I’m at that point where my husband has brought up trying to work out things, but I find it hard to believe his claims of love. There are so may rumors surrounding him and other women which he absolutely denies, and I know rumors may just be that-rumors but, at the same time I feel people wouldn’t need to create any if one didn’t give them the weaponry to do so with.
I don’t feel love for him in the sense of that which a wife needs to have towards a husband and I have no respect left for him to be honest I’m very indifferent to him. I have been considering divorce yet that’s where the confusion comes in. Would i be in God’s will by doing so, am i not trusting God to do what I full well know he is capable of, am I acting in pride….???
I cannot get my head round how tainted our relationship has become and it’s publicly for that matter. It would be a case of actually starting over again, but would he make right publicly what he has wronged publicly? Part of me just wants a new start with a completely different person and I find my mind wondering off to an ex of mine whom I’ve briefly been in contact with since my separation. I don’t think I am in love with my ex but feel if granted the opportunity it could work out.
He was a high school sweetheart, back then I actually for want of a better word worshipped him and he adored me, got along well with his family, still do with some. Now even my relationship with my husband ‘s family is strained not because I haven’t tried but circumstances seem to just dictate how things are at the moment. That has been so since I’ve been a Christian and I began to take a stand for my convictions, the separation has just made it worse.
I’m at that point where I would like to do what is right before God, for my son and for me. I’m just not sure what. I do miss being with someone sometimes although that has been made easier because I’m studying and are either too busy or too tired to dwell on that. I NEED PRAYER. I just seem to be going round and round in circles. I need to hear from God with Clarity then I can know how to focus my prayers and my life, desperately.
prayer and patience is key. you need to trust in God. all things are possible through Him. i know you are suffering at the moment and so is your little boy. but this may be a cross you have to bear. we all have our crosses we have to carry, but in the end, God will always be victorious. pray for your husband, and have faith that God will guide you and direct down the right path, and lead you to the right decision. i don’t want to sound like i’m telling you what you should do, but here’s a little story…
my grandma has been married for 55 years now and she has had a pretty horrible life, as my grandpa had many affairs. my grandma suffered a lot because of this, but she never considered leaving him. she wouldn’t do it to her children but more importantly, she wouldn’t do it to God. she made a committment to my grandpa when they married and he made a committment to my grandma. he chose to have the affair, and therefore, his actions were not in my grandma’s hands, but his own. she could have easily done the same, but chose not to because of her love for God. she has prayed for my grandpa all his life for his salvation, and God has worked some wonders in him. through all the suffering she has endured, God has brought her many joys too. she always says, “suffer willingly for the glory of the eternal Father, and for poor sinners”.
as i previously mentioned, this just may be your cross. but pray and have patience. “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”.
you’re in my prayers. God Bless!
Thank you Daniela the prayer support is encouraging, whatever happens in the end time will tell.
Hi Patience,
Please visit the following website Rejoice Marriage Ministries and if you’d like subscribe to the daily Charlyne Cares devotions. Also, read the testimonies of God’s work in relationships that God is in the process of restoring or has already restored. As the Lord to give you an unmistakeable sign that he is going to restore your relationship. Remember, nothing is impossible for our God. God bless you and your son.
Thank you Anne, I had a subscription to rejoice marriage ministries and afer Bob Steinkemp(Charlyne’s husband)died that is around the time i made this post, i cancelled it. I just felt discouraged and weary of the whole matter. Instead of feeling encouraged by other people’s testimonies i began to feel discouraged, yet before i used to be encouraged by them. At the time it just seemed as if everyone else was receiving their breakthrough and mine just wasn’t forthcoming. Anyway I am praying for him now that he will get deliverance and salvation and also that every curse will be broken and God’s will be done in his life.