Learning to Walk with You Again

Dear God,

I remembered.
I used to love You so much.
Prayed so often.
Seek You before so many issues in life.
Enjoyed Your presence, excited for sundays before he came along.
His presence blinded me, and overtook Your position and place in my life.
I seek You less.
Today, as I read the testimonies in Testimony Share, something stirs within me,
God, I miss the time where I spend silent prayers behind closed doors with free flowing tears, in a temple where there’s just You and me.
I miss the times when You were the top priority in my life.
I miss the moments where I cried with happiness when You gave signs and answered my prayers.
Today is the day where memories flood back and help me to reflect in Your Word.

He is someone special in my life. I can’t deny. But Lord, You know my heart’s desire.
You know I long for someone who loves You as much or even more than I do.
You know that I long to share a bond with a man who is a Godly man and places importance in living Your Word.
But God, time and time again, I tried to convince that He is the one for me, but yet God, time and time again I know
deep inside that You said that its not time.
Yet, it was something that I couldn’t bring myself to accept.

I remembered the many moments where I turned to guys to fill up the void in my life, the insecurity that I hold.
Every single new environment that I’m in, I’ll always look out for a suitable guy for me to start a relationship with.
Through that, I have hurt and abused many in my life.
Yet, I failed to understand that it is only God that can truly fills this void in me.
Guys can only temporary cover the void with a plastic sheet, but God is the only One that can fill that void and heal me.

I am so hurt. It is also something that I tried to avoid. But God, thank You for today.
For helping to see Your light through others’ testimonies.
That You’re so real and authentic in my life.
I am confident that by walking in Your Word faithfully and daily, You will heal me.
God, help me to understand and trust in Your timing. Your timing is perfect.
Teach me to obey You and not try to manipulate Your plans and do things my way.

Even at this point of uncertainties, God, I am trusting You with the entire situation.
I am trusting You to work in according to Your plan, I am trusting You to help me grow to a Godly-woman.
I am trusting You to heal my brokenness, and I am trusting You to take control of the current situation.
I thank You for drawing me back to You once again through this heartbreaking incident.
I thank You for drawing me near to where You are.
It is through such situations where I have no one to turn to, but You alone.
I am trusting You to send the right one. God, I’m tired. Tired of looking for the right one,
tired of manipulating Your plans to control my life, tired of disappointments, tired of human acts.
I am trusting You to send the right him to my life, as I’m here, waiting, abiding and learning to walk with You.
Amen.

3 Comments

  1. VEG 11/11/2011
  2. Abigail 11/24/2011
  3. Shanelle 12/2/2011

Leave a Reply