Undo

Hi.

Since I’m not really good at writing, I’ll just type whatever what’s in my head. I really think sharing this to others would be helpful for me…

Recently I have been struggling with a lot (of sins). I have been very complacent with my studies which I clearly know God wanted me to get rid of. I was doing a lot of things I, a Christian should not do, I was being a hypocrite and my faith was getting worse. What disappoints me (with myself) the most is, every time, I am fully aware that I am doing what is against God’s will yet I still commit them. I’d always feel guilty after and ask Him for mercy and forgiveness. Being Him, a loving God, He gives me comfort and forgives me for my trespasses. And I’d feel very grateful for that, yet after awhile, I’d go back to my old sinful life again.

I hate myself for not glorifying Him with my actions and I am ashamed. It breaks my heart that I can’t even have a proper quiet time with Him because I feel like I have no right to talk to Him and a face to face Him. I really want to make myself right with Him.

Awhile ago, when I was preparing for an examination, my heart felt heavy and i couldn’t breathe properly. I know i wanted to cry. I needed Him. Because I can’t do anything at that time, given that the exam will start in just a few minutes and at the same time realizing how I don’t deserve to pass the exam because of what I have been doing, I searched for songs in my phone that would maybe help me cry to release my feelings.

I listened to ‘Who am I’ and heard just the lines that says how God is faithful to me (us) even though I am the littlest of all little so, I felt all the more guilty. After taking the exam, I felt really down and I just wanted to talk to Him. I wanted Him to speak to me or even scold me.

I knew there should be something. I was desperate. I’ve read my devotion this morning again, but I can’t seem to relate so I searched for others texts with the same date. In ODB, I’ve read something with the passage in Psalm 32.  It made me tear up because It reminded me that God listens. And he forgives those who confess their guilt.

Another passage that’s also found in Psalms says that He is near to those who have a broken heart. And after reading all those, I scanned through my playlist again and found this song that I haven’t really listened to and it’s entitled “Undo” by the Rush of Fools … and this is the ultimate cry of my heart:

I’ve been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You’ll let me back in

To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become

I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin

To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You’re the only one who can undo
What I’ve become

I am ‘under reconstruction’ right now. I want to fully commit my life to Him, renew my ways and just trust in Him that His will may be done in my life. Our God is the God of deliverance. He will deliver us from every form of evil if we would just make Him the center of our lives. He will heal us from whatever disease we have may it be a physical or a spiritual one.

One Response

  1. chichi 6/30/2016

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