Kind of funny now, sitting here in my Moms house. Everything sure has changed. After all the horrible beatings and terrible childhood, I just love her. She’s all better now; Jesus has done a powerful thing to get us, both her and I, to this day. Yes He has.
I’m a retired tattoo artist. One of my personal tattoos is the skeleton of the bones on my left hand from my wrist to the tips of my fingers, the phalanges. I guess that’s the most painful tattoo I have ever gotten. And plenty of them I have at that. They all have special meaning, the bones on my hand; they mean I’m going to be a tattoo artist for the rest of my life. I was looking up into the bright lights of my studio one day and thought “d@mn……those lights are so bright, I can almost see the bones in my hand”, that’s how I came up with the idea. I figured if I ever got a tattoo like that, I’d have to be a tattoo artist for the rest of my life. I had “White Pride” down the back of my triceps. This was from my “white supremacist” days. Got the “white” part covered up now, and most of the tattoos that were satanic are covered, or eventually will be, it’s taken a while.
I started tattooing in prison, I’ve been there six times. Never for any sex crimes. No sex crimes. That’s a bragging right. I’m a biker too, retired Lost Race M/C, out of Wisconsin. All part of the “code”, no bullshit against women or children, no snitching, keep it real. Always have to keep it real, right? Almost got to brag about no violent crimes, but I had an armed robbery in Duluth, MN, and I was part of a driveby way back in the old days for me, in Tacoma, WA. Other than that I stayed out of the violent trouble.
Funny how life is, just like being at mamas right now. She gave me up for adoption when I was thirteen, my brother too. My sister had to stay home and slave it out with the new kids, our half brothers and sister from her new husband. Mom used to beat us really bad. We got whooped in ways that’d make front page news coast to coast now days, but back then it was just another day. Anytime one of us was within striking distance we got hit automatically. That was for what we didn’t get hit for, or what they didn’t catch us for, or just for general principle. If either of them moved, we flinched, if we flinched we got nailed, if we cried, we got nailed worse so we could have a reason to cry.
Doing the dishes after dinner. After all the washing, then drying, and then putting away, mom would inspect. When she’d find something out a place, like a water spot on a dish, the beating would start. And for a couple hours it would go on pretty intense. Every single dish in the house would be pulled from its spot in the cupboard, smashed into me, and tossed into the center of the kitchen, where I would be beat some more before having to redo – wash, dry, and put away – every dish in the whole house. That was every single night of my life for like nine years.
My brother and sister and I were beat almost every single minute of every single day. We three all have a really unique bond. It’s a trauma thing. Yeah, we were all wrecks. Life for all of us has been difficult.
I became a real problem child. They couldn’t control me. Nothing worked. No threat or punishment was of any consequence to me. I’d already had the worse that could be done. Every single day was garbage. Every bad thing that ever happened, I looked back on my mom and my childhood and hated. Hated with a death hate. I couldn’t get along with anyone, so I got tired of trying. I made the word “Hate” my theme, and song. A bitter melody that haunts my memory still. I have since forgiven; I wish I could just forget. I hated God so bad it was ridiculous. I hated life just as bad. There was no amount of care I could have for anyone other than my brother and sister.
Twenty foster homes and thirteen institutions. To get out of the orphanages and all I finally promised to join the U.S. Army. So they let me out, and I ran like hell. My real father lived in Arizona with his wife and her kids. That didn’t work out too well for me so I became a “Rainbow”. Just a pothead hippie really. Only thing I cared about was weed and sex. Ate out of dumpsters when the panhandling got hard, or if I was just lazy. Lived on the street. There was a gal who fancied herself a witch in L.A. So if I was into trying the witchin or “wiccin” way, I could have my way with a wiccin babe. She had an old hotel for a home, so I didn’t have to sleep in the forest between the highways or under peoples houses and porches. Learning about Wicca or witchcraft was just a game for me. She always said the real power was in the heavy black stuff, but that’s dangerous and you’ll lose your soul, your sanity, yadda yadda. So there wasn’t any power in what we were doing anyway, big deal. It was just a game I liked to play, cause it led to sex. It also opened the doors to getting into Satanism and other dark occult practices later.
I was hitchhiking from L.A. to Seattle when I had my first big run in with the law. I ended up walking from south L.A. to Santa Barbara with my thumb out the whole way. This was back in 79′. Hitchhiking was still supposed to be ok, heck its how we “rainbows” got around. The trains were hard to predict, and hobos went wherever the trains went, we rainbows had to be in specific places at specific times. After walking all that way, I just got so tired of walking so I stole a car. It wasn’t the first car I ever stole, but it was the first one I ever got caught in. So I went to the San Mateo work and fire camp in California. That was my first real problem, but it lead to a rash of legal encounters that in the end landed my butt in a uniform for the U.S. Army. That was mercy in them days, and it was too. I was in a bad way, and getting worse. But the army straitened me out. Except for all that great hash, and killer beer, and pretty gals in Wurzburg. I was a good soldier, and an even better partier. Barely got me an honorable discharge, and back to the streets from which I came.
Instead of going back to California where I had joined, I went back to Washington and tried to work it out with my real father, I just didn’t have the capacity for civil behavior. I couldn’t get along with society in any way. Spent a little while working as a body guard to an up and coming music producer, that’s when the drive by incident happened, he got me and my friends out of trouble, but I couldn’t work for him anymore so it was back to the streets. Always back to the streets. Over and over I go back to the streets, back ON the streets. Living in hell, under a house or bridge, on a roof, stealing to eat, and looking to vent my hatred. Every time life went wrong or got worse I just festered even harder on my childhood. Why couldn’t I have been born to good parents, who loved their kids, and cared for them? All the evil I experienced every day is just a continuing of the life I had as a child. So I delved into the evil, and into Satanism, and every evil rotten thing I could find, magic, sorcery, and drugs, until my whole life was just darkness. The dark numbness swallowed me up like the muffling of sound when your ears won’t pop. The rest of the world looks normal, but you can’t seem to hear. The rest of the world looked normal, but I couldn’t seem to feel.
Fifteen counts of burglary, theft, guns, I was in big trouble. And got big time for it. This time I was off to the joint, not some minimum custody work camp. Shelton, WA. “Gladiator school”. Training school for all that is bitter and Satanism too. One of my dark teachers there taught me to use the bible to make even darker evil rituals and what not. The use of twisted Christianity into Satanism seemed perfect for someone who hated god as much as I did. The evil there reminded me of home. I couldn’t get out, couldn’t get along, violence was all there was. Even if I wasn’t right in it, I was right up against it. Constantly the violence gnawed at my sanity. I ended up in the hole so much I practically lived there.
The Christians had all the answers. At least they meant well, I was just really messed up. It was supposed to be so easy, just give him your heart; all will be better, yadda yadda. I did, and nothing changed, I was still lost, confused, angry, hurt, scared. My heart was not convicted of sin. It was convicted of troubles, hard times, and regretted getting caught. I was convinced of my own inability to live in a way that could be considered civilized. But not of Gods true existence, or my personal need for the Blood of Jesus to cover my sins in the eyes of God. I tried to get God as part of my “try to get along with society” efforts. If I cooperate with society, I can get out of prison and stay out. If I get in on the God side, I’m cooperating with society. I tried every type of religion there was, gave my heart to each and every one, Except that I didn’t have a heart worth giving, my heart was just darkness. I was after God and religion to get my ass out of this jam.
I was so bitter that religion wouldn’t work for me, that I started to persecute Christians. I found it easy to shake their faith, and I did. I shook the faith of every believer I met, every chance I had, if it was a guy and I could get away with it, I’d even try to get a few good smacks or at the least a healthy slap in. I took pleasure in bragging about how badly I treated them. That “I put Gods people to the test, to see if they were worthy of the call”. I had become so wrapped up in my hate and evil that I just lived it – all day every day.
I’d gone through a grip of institutions, other prisons, and work releases, I escaped from one of them, got busted in Oregon and did some time in the penitentiary there. Then back to Washington where I did another bit for the escape, then more time for the burglaries and theft I’d originally been in for.
I was finally out again, for the fourth time, and I was passing a gal in a library who was talking to a boy about the Lord. I immediately launched into my anti-god anti-Jesus spiel and began trashing their faith to the best of my abilities. It was a public library and there were other people there, so I couldn’t go assaulting anyone, but I sure tried to instigate a fight. This fellow was pretty taken aback and could feel that I wanted to hurt him, and any word that could have been the least bit derogatory back could have led to bad violence. But she stepped up to me and faced me off. I couldn’t hurt her, for some reason after being so abused as a child; I found it impossible to hit women or kids, my only redeeming quality. Maybe that’s why I took it out on guys so bad. But she stood right up to me, and battled me back. She was full of love, and she had something else. Something that was way different than anyone else I’d ever met who was a Christian. She had a look in her eyes, or was it on her face, maybe it was an aura, it said “I Know God”. I could tell it, could feel it, could see it, it was all over her. She knew God, Personally. And I had to leave because I was way off balance!
Later that evening I was haunted by the encounter, through the night, and into the next day. I finally went back to the library to see if I might find her again, and there she was. I approached her, I thought at first to try her faith again, but no, that wasn’t it. When I tried to speak I couldn’t say anything mean. She spoke to me but I couldn’t understand her words. I was so confused I left and went straight home. That evening I had plans to follow a complex ritual, and I couldn’t concentrate. I was continually haunted by that girl who “knew Godâ€. It plagued me over and over till I finally looked up into heaven and shouted “who are you that she can know you that well?”
What happened next is etched in my heart and soul forever. For immediately I was no longer in my room at home, but I instead found myself pinned on a giant floor. Every atom of my being felt so black and horrible like all the darkness of my soul was exposed, God, the living presence before me was pure incredible glory, like the whole sun was just two inches from my face, I felt so horrible and despicable. I could feel His holiness, so pure and great, it burned like molten metal to be near it. I knew my guilt, and wanted to be dead, even more than dead, every bit of my soul wanted to be undone utterly, to get away from His presence. But I couldn’t, I was there, before the “Creator of all thingsâ€. I knew it was Him, and there was no hiding the real me. No hiding the darkness of my own heart. I was utterly and completely exposed to the holiness of God, yet I felt I was protected. That there was something in the full glory and holiness of God and it was protecting me and shielding around me. I could feel it. I knew that if I were to experience all that Holiness and Glory without that protection I would be truly dead. I was crushed. Then I was back, but the world was forever changed for me. There was no way I could ever worship Satan again, ever turn against a Christian again, or ever be against God again. The evil that filled my heart was crushed forever, and on that day, May 1, 1987, I gave my heart and soul to Jesus forever.
The next day I went and found the gal, Barbara, and told her of my experience. She brought me to her church and I began the long and painful process of becoming a man of god. I began Bible studies, and studied a lot. The church I was with was the Brethren, a wonderful group of brothers and sisters – kind of radical in a traditional sense, and I got baptized by them in the Puget Sound of Washington. I became a total fanatic for the Lord. My experience was pretty extreme, so I stopped cussing, drinking, smoking, and all the things I loved to do. I prayed to the “New Godâ€ I now knew, and I prayed all day long. And His presence was with me and in me always. He filled my life with something very new, called “Loveâ€. It was beautiful and it scared the shit out of me. Love was stranger to me, than most of what I’ve said may seem to some of you. I was way out of my element. It was hard for me to be that way; not to swear, smoke, all the things I’d become addicted to over the years, all gone, being someone totally different. I’d forced myself to live the life I thought Jesus wanted me to live, and I was miserable and got more miserable every day.
The thing is, it wasn’t necessarily the life Jesus wanted me to live at all. But the one I thought He wanted me to live. No matter how much I forced myself to change all I could on the outside; on the inside I was still me. Oh, the true heart of darkness was gone (which was a wonderful miracle in itself), but the tattoo artist biker was still alive and well and missing his world.
Finally I said “Lord, I love you with all my heart and soul. I have to be me. If you want to make me into something better, you can do that, but all of it, even the faith and desire – has to come from you. I offer myself to you, to make of me what you want.” After that changes started to happen in me a little faster. It was a long hard battle. Being me, a tattoo artist biker wasn’t so much of a problem, breaking the law was. I was a very popular biker, rode with a popular local club, had a nice Harley, and was a great tattoo artist. But my life was an internal war. Between God changing and molding me on the inside, and the world pulling me and building my ego on the outside, I got all screwed up. The closer I got to God, the harder keeping my old life became. I lived a strange life, a dope dealing Christian tattoo artist biker. Doing tattoos, telling people about the love of God, and selling them a bag when they got low. The really sad part is as sick and depraved as I was, I was still a hundred times better person than I was before that day, May 1st 1987. Still, the Lord was in me, steadily changing me, molding me.
I finally ended up in prison in Minnesota for armed robbery. How does a believer get into a problem like that? I hit the local cops’ favorite doughnut shop. I wasn’t wearing my colors, but it still went over like a load of bricks with my brothers in the club. Off to prison again.
My fifth time in the joint. Didn’t bother me too much, just a vacation from the stress of trying to live in the civilized world. More time to do tattoos and study Gods word. I did study, took all the free mail in Bible study courses I could do, and worked hard. Was president of the prison biker gang, the “Prison Motorcycle Brotherhood”, and through it all, I always kept the Love of Jesus in my heart. It’s the only thing I could hold onto to know that my life WAS getting better, that I WAS changing. And the desire to change was getting stronger too.
As I went through my life I shared all I could with as many as I could about how great the Lord was to me, the crazy tattoo artist biker. And as I found myself changing more and more into a Christ like person, I found the Lord using me more and more to do His work. The more I was a part of his work; the more I loved it, and wanted more. I was still a long way from home. I got out of prison and started up the biggest best tattoo shop in the whole region, then founded a tattoo expo/competition, The Lakeview Castle Tattoo You Convention. I got a lot more famous as a tattoo artist, and dope dealer. So, my family, wife and kids, were all trashed by a Lord loving, dope pushing, tattoo artist, biker. It didn’t have to be that way, I was just so messed up it took me a good while longer to get it together.
He kept changing me, the old man was getting farther and farther lost to the spirit of God within, and the stronger I got in Him, the more use he found for me. I still loved Him with all my heart, and still talked to Him daily, and read the Bible. I hardly ever beat anyone up anymore. Tried to almost give up crime altogether, kept myself true to one woman, and when I went back to the joint for the sixth time for two ounces of pure meth, I was astounded! (That’s how blind I was to my condition) I was getting so close to God, so close to being something he could be proud of. I was incredibly confused. But I worked hard, studied the Bible and prayed all the more. I was still president of the Prison Motorcycle brotherhood, but this time I was much more in tune with who I was in God, and who God was in me. I tried to give Him my all. I finally said “Lord! I can’t do this life. I’ve screwed up everything! I love the changes you’ve made in me, and I love the person you’re building me into, but I’m still getting into trouble with the law, still destroying my life at every corner, still trashing the lives of those I love! Please God, help me be your servant. I give you all of me, my whole life, my whole person, you can have me, just bless my life, let me be a part of your work here on earth. When you need feet, let mine be them. When you need hands, let me be them. When you need a voice, let me speak it.” And the changes started to happen in waves. I finally made it off parole, off drugs, and out of crime.
I still stayed in the tattoo trade, I’d learned that it was a great place to serve the Lord, being a light to people from a most unlikely position, and I became quite a good artist, I won over 100 awards in all for tattooing excellence, I’ve even been featured in several magazines, and at the same time I got to know the lord very well. It has still been hard. I still struggle. But the lord doesn’t give any of us, any more than we can handle, and I can handle it.
After all that’s happened so far, I feel like I’ve lived a hundred years. As I’ve come through these last eight years and have truly gotten into tune with God, I’ve learned so much more. And as I’ve shared with my clients in seeking God, they have asked me to write a book. I felt bad about it because I’ve been saved since May 1 1987, and only in the last few years have I really had any kind of living testimony, as far as my life goes. A Christian dope pusher, tattoo artist, biker is not a great story of the love of God. And I’ve felt ashamed of it. The Lord has shown me a way to share Christ with people. A way that has given people who already know Jesus a new found spark for belief, and gives those who don’t know Him, a very personal introduction.
Now I’d like to point out a couple things. One, I went to prison twice AFTER I had become a believer. I’ve been told there’s no way I could have been a believer and still have sold drugs, and did drugs, and robbed a store. That’s the same as saying there’s no way you can be a believer and lie to your spouse, cheat on your taxes, or lust after your neighbors spouse? See. We can’t compare ourselves to each other, but to Gods divine law. In the eyes of God every believer is going through the same thing. In the eyes of God, selling a bag of dope is just as bad as breaking any of His commandments.
Remember how I felt to be in His presence? That is what it’s all about. He is all Holiness. And the very best that any human could ever offer in goodness, would never touch His goodness in its least amount. Our very best is worse than worthless to God; it’s an insult because it suggests bringing His standard down to ours.
If anyone would seek God, would want to know Him truly, they would first do well to understand His true nature. That He is the full embodiment of Holiness, Glory, Love, and Judgment. And each of these traits you should really learn. Then you’ll be on your way to really knowing the Living God, and realizing your true ultimate need for a Savior. Once you really understand this, that’s when you find Jesus.
Let me introduce you to Him in a unique way.
The whole universe is comprised of patterns. Patterns show order. They reveal the universe both seen and unseen. When we walk out into the water from a beach we look for a pattern, the farther out we go the deeper it gets. Sometimes the pattern can vary and that’s a pattern too, so we go naturally slower anticipating the change in the pattern. Our whole life and thought process is designed to work with these patterns.
It’s through this understanding of patterns, that we cause that which is unseen, the contrast it needs to be seen. We couldn’t see the next step, but at the rate it had been descending and with the consistency given, a pattern was formed, and the next logical step would be – and we put our foot out more than half expecting the ground to be right there, or very close, even though we couldn’t see through the water. The more consistent the pattern is before hand the more confident we feel about predicting the next step.
Using patterns we can see much farther than the Hubble Telescopes “Deep Field View”. The Deep Field View showed us that in every square millimeter of sky is a fist full of galaxies, more than the stars that fill our night sky. Now that we have the Hubble telescopes deep field view, we are aware of our universe a little more clearly. There are as many galaxies in our universe as there are stars in our galaxy, maybe more! But if we had used the pattern already in sight, we could have reasonably predicted that. For example, the satellites and moons orbit the planets creating a celestial system. The planets orbit the stars creating larger celestial systems. All the stars coalesce in the galaxy to form the galactic celestial system. Similar in pattern, still an orbiting system with a nucleus. To look into our own future by repeating the pattern we can arrange these galaxies we now see into a system of galaxies orbiting a nucleus creating a larger galactic system, of which then, we can take the next step; its possible to conceive that if this universe of galaxies we’re in is a system of a pattern similar to the rest, then there are probably countless numbers of those systems, arranged in a similar pattern into an even larger system. The mega verse. It looks like a galaxy but, every would be star is a universe, a universe looks like a galaxy but, every would be star is a galaxy. When you start with the mega verse it reverse engineers itself with ease. The pattern is clear and concise. We can always add on another step! With every step you add we become proportionally smaller. If you’ve been following along accurately, by now you may agree with me in a feeling of dreadful minuteness, as that means there are as many mega verses in a system as there are stars in a galaxy! I hope you feel your mind has been a little bit expanded. If not feel free to add a step or two in as you like. The pattern is consistent enough to honestly say, what if…….. The occlusion of this point is that we are probably in a system of universes far vaster than we have been led to believe. Because of the patterns we can see that the future will probably find this to be fact.
I remember hearing when I was a youngster, scientists said that there was only a fraction of a percent of a chance for the conditions we have here on earth, to be repeated on another planet. When I consider the deep field view I wonder if their odds have changed. How many thousands of planets there must be with life just like ours? There is a pattern for life. Just like there was a pattern we used to view more of our universe than we can see. Now let us use patterns of life to see what must be out there.
We are limited as to what we can perceive and what we can not. As our perception abilities have changed through time, so has our understanding of the world around us including our understanding of life. What we know to be life now, is much different than it was two thousand years ago. And we could imagine that it will be very different two thousand years from now. If we look carefully at the patterns we see now, we can reasonably predict some what we’ll know then.
One point we know well is that life happens. Even in conditions we would never have thought possible to maintain life, it thrives. Marine volcanic vents illustrate this clearly. Mathematically we face the truth that the universe is full of life, not only are there other carbon based life systems out there, its only logical to expect that there are life forms other than carbon based. It’s probable that for every element in existence, there is an associated life form. By pattern repetition we can assume that for each elemental life form base, there are many and varied species, just as with Earths carbon based life. And by pattern assume that every species of a particular life form base shares certain biological features with other species of the same element. As in carbon based life forms all have certain common features. In every species group there are subspecies that have certain advantages over other species of the same type. These are called the alpha or apex species. This pattern is illustrated in that man is the apex species of earth. Primates are the apex type on earth. Mammals are the apex group. Using this pattern we can imagine societies of life in similar patterns to our own. Meaning that for every life form type there is a species that is that alpha species.
Another pattern is that as time goes by both our understanding of the smallest life form and the largest life form changes. Its probable that in the future we will understand not only are planets and stars life forms, but every single atom is a life form. The pattern is already there, only our powers of perception need catch up with it to become a known reality. But I already stated, we are using the patterns to predict what we cannot see. So, if life is as plentiful and small as every single atom, how big might life be? One pattern we know is the bigger the fish tank, the bigger the fish. And there is always a bigger fish. Stars are life forms, galaxies are life forms, and the whole universe is a life form.
So there is in the universe a many varied number of life forms. And one life form in the universe is probably the apex life form. And of course in that species is a group that is the apex life form. And of course, the Apex Life Form of All. Just by looking at what we know about the world around us, the existence of God is our only logical conclusion.
We and every thing visible or not, are all living creatures within the endless body of the living God.
The spiritual or spirit based life form is the highest form of life. And God Himself is the highest life form of all. The whole of everything that is – is His body.
Hard statements to take, we are all just small cells in the seemingly endless body of God. That’s ok, there’s another pattern to life; Evolution. Life progresses to the next level. There are some who will say God made this all in seven days. If so it was seven days some ten trillion years ago! Remember, to God a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe God created it all, and evolution is a pattern of that creation. He is the ultimate gardener. Each celestial body is a vast garden of His creation, with life forms of every type even beyond imagining. As a gardener prepares a garden carefully long before he lays seed, He’s been preparing the soil of the universe for its optimum efficiency. He put it all in motion at the beginning of time, and evolution was part of the plan. Its part of His system of life, the pattern makes it visible.
Life forms are connected to other life forms in a variety of ways. Some are assimilated into other forms, like food. Some are symbiotically cohabitant, like the hermit crab and his shell. Some are ecologically coexistent, as the sea anemone and the clown fish. To see a life form grow through the living attachment to another life form is no surprise, It’s a pattern we recognize called symbiosis. The same with one going through a stage of change, as a butterfly, a pattern we recognize called metamorphosis.
In the beginning was God and He spread out life throughout the universe which is His existence. The atoms of life spun out from His center and began to coalesce into systems, and within them, systems, and so on. And the systems over trillions of years formed into stars and planets as we know them. Some became ripe for differing life forms to flourish. All these life forms have different systems of existence, sometimes through metamorphosis, or through symbiosis, Some were created all finished up and perfect like angels. They’re eternal, they’re spirit based, closest life form to God Himself.
In the mean time, other life forms are going through their differing cycles of life. The whole universe is a living system; all life in it is part of the system. The Spiritual Consciousness, God is the base of Life itself.
God decided that He wanted to create more spiritual life to populate the system, to show His true nature of Love to all life. He reached down onto a planet where carbon based life was flourishing and touched a hairless ape, creating in it the very image of Himself. Creating a spirit based life form, but even better than the angels; this was more like God Himself. A new spirit that lives in symbiosis with the hairless ape, and matures with it. Learning to use the ape’s body as its own, experiencing life as one of the short lived creatures of all life forms. When the ape dies, the spirit breaks its symbiotic umbilical cord with the host and goes to God to be a new spirit creation. When these first two apes, male and female that he created with the spirit had off spring, they too had the spirit, and all their off spring had this spirit too.
To some spirits already in existence, angels and such, this new life form was not so welcome. Since the beginning of creation they had been the top of Gods expression of life. Now after so many millions of years, He created these little spirit babes, even better than they! So some went to the garden of this new creation and tainted the seed, so that when the host died the spirit wasn’t the pure perfect creature He’d intended.
This set off a great rift between God and the angels involved in the conspiracy. Imagine, they challenged Gods authority, disobeyed Him, and purposely set out to destroy His new creation. Anybody with kids like that?
Now, the apes that the spirits symbiotically inhabited worked great for the spirits to manipulate. And since spirits are so intelligent, they used the ape’s bodies to create everything they could imagine. But the spirits were so in touch with their apeness, that they couldn’t feel their spiritness. And they went about all the day “I am an ape, duh”. Where in reality they were a spirit trapped in the apes body as they both grew together. They followed their apes needs, desires, and thoughts. But the spirit doesn’t naturally lie, cheat, or steal. It’s like God. That’s the cancer we got from the angels, sin. Sin is any violation of divine law. Just like the spirit symbiotic is passed from parent to off spring, so is the cancer the angel contaminated us with.
God set to repairing the damage. In order to make mankind fit for the Presence of God, He needed to be justified. That is, he needed to have his violations of divine law legally compensated before the Supreme Justice of All Life. This justification is the antidote to the cancer.
God created a plan to solve this, and He did a lot to try to make us aware of the problem and the remedy. Even warning us that this rebel angel and his coconspirators would try to hamper us. He called out to mankind continually telling him, wake up! This is not all of life! There is a whole new life for you beyond this; this is but a breath of time in comparison to that which is to come.
Of course mankind has had a hard time accepting the idea that there is something or someone beyond our perception working for or against us. Since this life is all they’ve ever known. Still, God continually calls out to mankind, making him aware of his destiny, and need for the antidote.
Finally the time was right. He went to a virgin woman, and caused her to become pregnant. But instead of allowing a new spirit to become the apes symbiotic, He took a piece of His own Spirit Essence and Consciousness, and caused it to be the symbiotic. Of course as it grew THIS spirit wasn’t deluded by the union with the ape, it knew its true nature. Because it was actually a part of The Creator, it WAS the Creator. Except now He was experiencing, like us the frailty of being a human, and the attacks of the rebel angels. Now God, the Creator of All, had contrast. He could be seen and communicated with by all, on our own level, in our own homes.
And He told us face to face, Wake Up! This life is not all there is, there is a whole existence beyond this stage, and you all have cancer! This was really a big deal, getting this straight from the Creator Himself. He told us that if we leave this world without the antidote, we would never become the glorious new creatures we were meant to be, but a worthless twisted mess good only to be cast into the fire for destruction. And then He told us that the antidote was Him. That if we believe that the death He died on Calvary was in our stead or place, then it counts for our debt, according to divine law by which we are all condemned to death. See, with His death counted as our payment, we can stand before the judgment throne of God, white as snow, as if we had never done anything wrong, perfectly holy. Then he will separate the righteous from the unrighteous.
Now you all KNOW how bad my life had been. And I wished before that I was born to good parents who’d loved their kids and cared for them. Cause after what I’ve lived through, I see this as an opportunity to have a say on what kind of an existence I’m going to have on the other side. This time I won’t have to wish I’d been created under better circumstances. If only I’d been born rich, or not blind, or able to walk. These sound hard, but the crippling of the cancer of sin without the antidote on the judgment day will be truly worse.
Your true “fateâ€ isn’t how you die on this world, rather how you’ll live in the next. If you’ve found the way I presented God in this work hard to accept, then I hope you find Him in another way. The important thing is that you do find Him. Jesus told us much about heaven in parables. What I have presented is a parable too. Many have found my explanation to be the blessing that lead them to believing faith. So, in the face of much ridicule, I present this anyway.
I’m trying now to get into prison ministries, I feel very lead to this. If you’re interested in helping me make this a reality, please write.
dustydonnay at yahoo dot com
thank you and God bless!