I was a solo child raised by a single mother. I never saw my father since I am the fruit of a couple out of wedlock. But as a child I never felt empty because I had my grandmother who helped my mother raised me.
When I was little until I graduated from my primary school; we were actually very happy even though we were in lack of everything. My mother sells rice cakes in the city where she only profits, just enough to sustain her small business. That is why when I had to study my secondary, I decided to take the entrance examination at the Sisters of Mary School Girlstown where everything is for free, and I don’t need to worry about all the things that I needed for studying since I can see how much we struggle in life.
So, for four years of my high school life I stayed inside the constitution. The school was ruled by nuns and founded by a priest. They taught us really how to draw near to God and how to entrust our days and our lives to God. But after graduation, this was the time that my life was totally devastated. I rebelled and at early age I got pregnant.
Fortunately, my mom and grandmom didn’t leave me behind. So, at my teen age we started our family. I was blessed by a very lovely son. At first, we were happy even though we were unstable financially. Until my partner decided to go abroad to work to provide better for our family.
But in 2017 he died in a car accident. And poverty really hit us badly. And a year after my grandmom also died. I was really down. I thought of God abandoning me. I was always asking Him why He is always punishing me and even comparing my own fate to others. I totally forgot Him and did all my vices, drinking, smoking and even had a relationship with a married man because I felt the longing of having someone who truly cares for me. But after more than five years of hiding with my dark shadows I tried to separate ways with him, but he didn’t accept my decision. So, to get away with him, I worked abroad to provide for my family and also to forget my past.
Fast forward, my aunt invited me to join their church. So, since I don’t know anyone in this country, I went with her. During the meeting, I felt differently; I was very ashamed of myself that I always forgot about God’s love toward me. The Lord never forsook me and loves me endlessly, but I never considered to know His love because I was too self-centered. I was longing for love that was not really meant for me. Now that I know now His wonderful plans for me, I have decided to fully commit myself to Him and never to turn back from Him ever again.
Dear Fatima,
I am really glad that you have made up your mind to serve God no turning back, he said when ever we draw closer to him he will also draw closer to us.
Honestly, alot of times we Christians are faced with unfavourable circumstances, we easily find ourselves questioning God’s promises concerning us, even when he boldly declared “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
The Bible clearly told us that it is impossible for God to lie. So whenever we find ourselves questioning him whether he is able, then for sure we are the liars, and the father of all liars is the devil, he is behind the thought. So I pray that the Lord will help us never to question his promise, but to blindly and foolishly believe it even when our present circumstances say other wise.