I was an atheist until late into my freshman year of high school. I had been doing drugs, drinking, anything to get away from my problems at home, and the depression I found out about later on. Things in my life were crashing down pretty quickly. I had hit a very low point in my life, and was ready to give up when God became very real to me, telling me things were going to be ok, and that He was there. It was pretty strange considering the God I didn’t believe in became the one thing I could trust in at that moment. God helped me through that spell, and from then on, I couldn’t escape the fact that there was something better. But hey, I tried.
Slowly but surely I started to drift away from God, His plans, His will, His faithfulness. Moment by moment my small decisions and actions turned me back to old ways. It was a slow change, barely noticeable even. But I think that’s the danger of it, and that’s why I’m talking about it. It started small, minor slips, cursing perhaps every now and again, I mean what’s the big deal?
I still went to Church on Sundays, I even read my Bible a few times a week. The change was, I wasn’t living it every moment. Trials would come along and I would pray, I would hit a low point and the Lord would gracefully show me the right way. But I turned away from it, not believing in His slow, patient comfort. Just wanting a fix, something right now. And, let me tell you, right now is a dangerous way to live. I started going back to the things I knew, I started drinking, smoking, and taking pills, just anything to get by, to forget about it for a while. I hit rock bottom on October 23rd of my sophomore year.
I had just gotten home from having a long conversation with a Christian friend of mine, feeling convicted, lost and distressed I finally lost sight of my limits. I woke up in the hospital, was in the ICU for three days, and was in the hospital for eight. Those eight days remain the point in my life at which I have ever been closest to the Lord. Because I realized, this worldly life has gotten me here, rock bottom. Doctors said I wouldn’t make it; miraculous that I didn’t die, I knew this was God giving me another chance. And in no way did that make it easy. I was now forced to realize that those small compromises, those minor slips, could dig my grave for me.
I changed my life after that moment, sure I’ve had hard times, I’ve had to admit a lot of things, lost family members for my honesty over events, but the Lord has stayed faithful, though I’m not perfect, He has remained by my side, supporting me, uplifting me at all times. The Lord has remained faithful throughout all the trials I’ve had lately, constantly surrounding me, supporting me.
I now plan to finish out my junior and senior years of high school and become a youth pastor. I am more excited than ever about the Lord and His plans for my life. So, I guess the point is, knowing God is there is one thing, but following Him and finding everything you need in Him, is what makes it so great. it took losing everything, but I now understand how much Christ has to offer, and I don’t intend to ignore that again.