The Importance of Being a Christian – It is not Easy

Here this is me again, Martina, hope you read my other testimony. Well I am here with a different experience of mine, that which I came through after God came into my life. PEACE, PEACE, no matter what kind of a problem I came across, just believed deep in my heart, that god would help me cross that dark lane. I loved the example of Paul, how god brings him out and makes him an instrument to spread the blessed words of our lord.

Believe me, my first testimony is not even an atom of my life, I went through so many, so many in my everyday life, everyday, when I used to sit in the open terrace thinking how I could kill myself so that I could escape my worldly burdens. I would sleep every night hoping not to get up the next morning. I was just a lonely girl standing in that dark road hoping, looking out for someone, who would actually hold me by my hand; take me to a place where I could actually have space to breathe pure air. Every morning I woke up with nothing but disappointment. But I knew that God lived and just clung on to my faith, and occasional happiness helped me cling on to Christianity. But the transformation from the Martina I was to the Martina I am, it was sudden, all of a sudden.

I read the Bible twice a day, I listen to nothing but Christian hymns. I started loving God, and stopped expecting, I just submitted my entirety, to him. I stopped watching movies, TV, stopped speaking ill of others, started loving others not expecting a reciprocal love, started praying for everybody, stopped worrying because I know for sure that my faith would heal me, I Know that my God would take care of me, and even if troubles come my way, I just take it as gods will and do nothing on my behalf to cure them but pray with all my heart. But Satan does not let you have your own way, does he? My own people, my family made fun of me, called me a psycho, because, my change perturbed them. Temptations came my way, but every time I was subjected to any of them, gods just made me over run them, and I was back to him. Perhaps my poetry would help you understand what I went through better, believe me, things were harder than they seem to be in the poetry.

I write this testimony because, I know, there are many of you down there, questioning your very existence, but let me tell you, God Loves you, and all you have to do, is stop treating him as some holy man who can be consulted once in a while, He is God, He is our awesome God, our savior who taught us to love one another, who would fill our void. He is our father, look up at him as one, he never leaves us on our own, he is there, always no matter where or at what situation you are in, he is holding you tight. Love him, he needs to be loved. Just stop running behind worldly pleasures, they are vicious. Believe in God, he is the only answer to life’s intricacies.

That day

There was this day,
A day in my life;
Bold to remember,
Ever to stay, in this
Frail mind of flesh.

As yet till that day;
I was just flesh, just flesh,
Existing, counting each minute
As it grew agonizing by seconds.
There was no thirst, as I
Filled my feeble self
With tears.

Prayers made to god,
To the god I knew,
To a god, a god,
Not to my god.
Darkness, I loved;
It concealed my tears.
Light, I trembled;
In fear of portrayal
Of a heart, that was filthy.

Company, pacified me
Never filled the void
That haunted each day
Of my life.
I paced, I ran
I wept, I wept.

Looked right, looked
On all sides.
People, nay, they had
A life of their own,
Too worked up
To work on me.

Prayers seemed to
Become mere mists
Made to thin air.
So embossed in this
Life of no sense,
I went down.
Down under that
Dingy well where
Nobody would discover me
And feel ashamed.
Where I could dwell
In that warren I dug
On a life I never understood.

My blood, the reason
For me being here,
Never made out what
I was; I never did.
My countenance, my own
Petrified me, befuddled me.

In solitude, I inquired
My life, which seemed so complex,
So complex to undo. I inquired
My god, my creator, my lord.
I believed that this state
Of life, I was standing in
Was just another abandonment.

I knew I wasn’t going back.
I gulped down each day,
With pain and hunger;
Hunger for a life, a life.
I muddled up things around
Believe me, I was done and gone.

So habituated to a life,
Dingy and dark,
I laughed it all out, I did,
The slightest step I took
To straighten things around
With the hope that people around
Could keep off the gutter of my life.

Each day, I laughed
Each breath I took, I wept
Deep within that dark horizon,
That garden of thorns,
That I dare not let people check.
I watered them with my tears.

I discovered that I was an outcast
In that ship, who was just awaiting
The destination, for the completion
Of a journey I accepted, when my
Own identity was in itself unknown.

My friends were my tears
My prayers were but made
Every day, every day,
Until that day, when I was
In that well, that warren.

Resurgence

It lit up, all of a sudden.
The light, too bright
Petrified me, my body
Trembled, but it all disappeared
A man, of a friendly disposition
Came down that dark place.

“Are you going to sit there
All by yourself?” he asked
I was no less confused, but
For some reason, I felt
Light, light as a feather.
“So how is life?” He asked
“Now don’t look at me
As if you don’t know me!
Get up now, lets go for a walk”

We walked together
Hand in hand, side by side
In that dark thorny garden
Of my dark house.
“Father.” I said “Are you
Going away?”
“Oh no! I was here all the while”
He said “I can’t leave my daughter alone, can I?”

I smiled, in accord, a overwhelmed one
I knew, it was true,
Because it was said with truth
It was said with a meaning
And that was the only meaningful thing
In that senseless dark life of mine.
We talked, we laughed
We played we shared
In that same place,
But I felt at peace.
I asked him, “Would you take
Me away, father?” He said
“Not now, we’ve got to
Go through this.”
He touched my shoulder
In assurance.

We did, together, we
Weeded the thorns
It poke, I bled, but
The pain, never, ever
Got to my brain.

We walked out,
Of that warren, that gulf
“Do you want me now?”
He asked me. You have your people
Your life, you always wanted this
Do you want me now?”

“Father” I said ” This is not
What I always wanted. It was
You I wanted .” He smiled
I knew he wanted that from me
He asked, “Are you ready then to carry
On through that dingy warren?”
I Said, “Till death, I shall”

We still walk, till death we shall
With him, even those
Dark spots lightened up
I then realized that it was he
Who bore my pain.

We walk, talking and laughing
Through sun and rain,
Down and up mighty lanes
And we shall to my destination
Not with a bit of realization.
Of pain that is there all my way.

5 Comments

  1. Gail Seeley 5/27/2007
  2. alishanbarber 5/30/2007
  3. sanower paul 6/26/2008
  4. REBECCA L. ROBANCHO 6/22/2009
  5. s 10/12/2010

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