At one point in my life I was in a really low place. My life didn’t seem like a life worth living. I couldn’t see that proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel.” I had given up on life, given up on myself, but most importantly given up on God.
I got to this point for many different reasons. For five years of my childhood I was abused. It was a time when I felt the most alone. At that same time my parents were getting divorced. I felt alone, I felt abandoned, I felt broken.
Flash-forward to being 18. I just graduated high school. I was suffering from depression and anxiety disorder. I felt a mess. In 2012 Evan and I started dating, he was a faithful follower of Christ, I was not. But because I cared about him I thought that trying this church thing out couldn’t hurt. I went a few times and every time I went I felt like Pastor linden was directing the message right at me. It made me confused and uncomfortable.
I stopped attending while Evan was back at Ohio University. But I kept feeling this pulling on my heart that I eventually shut out. A year or so passed and it was January of this year 2014. I was at my lowest point of my 21 years thus far. I was depressed, slitting my wrist and not myself.
In April of 2014 I was sent to Dublin Springs mental hospital because I attempted suicide. I spent a week and some days there. After realizing that suicide was not the answer, and being put on two different anti-depressant I was released back to reality. I did a lot of praying and soul searching the next month.
On May 11th of this year I was here at church watching my boyfriend’s younger brother Ethan be baptized. While he was in line to be next I heard this audible voice talk to me. The voice said “Go and follow me, Show me your faith and I’ll show you mine.” So I went down to Evan and his dad Gary, I asked them if I feel like I should go up there and claim Jesus as my savior should I go? They both answered yes with a huge smile on their faces.
I went up that day and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Since then I have prayed daily about not having negative thoughts about harming myself and hopefully eventually not needing to take my anti-depressants anymore. It is now November 24, 2014 and with the help of my Savior, my therapist and my friends and family, I have not had another thought about harming myself or ending my life.
I am now working on forgiving the two men that hurt me those many years ago. I am a new person. I am finally me. No more being “that girl” who suffers from depression. No more being “that girl” who was abused. No more being “that girl” who doesn’t follow Jesus. I am now a follower of Christ and will forever be changed.