Testimony and Possible Missionary

Well first I want to share my testimony and then what I am being called to do.

First of all, I am 24 years old. I have a wonderful family. A  great husband, a one year old little girl and another one on the way. Life is great and God has blessed me more that words can describe. Life started hard for me. As a 6week old baby, my mother and father left me with my grandmother to raise. My parents continued to have children  year after year after year. All the children were given up for adoption at birth except one. Between the ages of 6weeks and 5 years old my life was pretty normal, well as much as it could given the circumstances. At the age of 6 I found out my grandmother was not my mom and met my parents for the first time. My parents always ran from the police and law and had no where to live so they moved in. At the time I didn’t realize how that would change my life.

At the age of 6, I was not only beginning school, but learning how to deal with trama. Over the next 5 years I was verbally, and mentally abused by my father. He also raped me through my childhood. As a result, I acted out as a child. The harassment  began and I was teased in school from the time I began until I graduated. I always struggled with fitting in and as I became a teenager, I had extreme anxiety. I couldn’t breath when being watched walking down the halls in school. In high school, a few teachers even made fun of me. My lowest point was in 10th grade. I was raped by a 20 year old and then my 15 year old friend was hit by a car and died.

At that point I felt numb. The pain was to much to bear. I began to constantly think of suicide and began to cut. I wrote notes all the time, though about how I could get everyone back for all they had done to me. Anger and revenge was deep in my soul. In high school I dated around and I began to date this guy who went to a youth group. He finally talked me into going. I finally made up my mind that if something didnt change in the next week, I would not be alive anymore.

The meeting was so different from anything I have ever experienced. I was unsure of it the first time but God brought me back. I became a Christian in December, just a few short months after I began to come. God gave me peace and healing. I could forgive everyone and even thank God for those experiences!

Over the years I felt lost in my future. I have one year of college because of finances and its going to be a huge struggle to finish college. I have so many loves and talents that God has given me but the one I am most scared of He is calling me to. I don’t know what, where, or when but I do know I have been saying no or I am not right for that but God keeps telling me, yes, why do you think you went though all that. I have shared my testimony in front of churches, youth groups, and even at a fundraiser for the youth group.

I finally have decided no matter what people think or say or feel, I am giving my full life, including my future career to God and His ministry. Now for that waiting game and to see how this unravels. Please pray that God will lead me where he wants me and I can grow closer to him. I know its in Gods time, but I would love to start taking those first few steps towards my future. Thank you for your time.