I’m 13 and in 8th grade. I’m a Seventh Day Adventist and was baptized into the church…so I call myself a Christian; but I don’t feel like one. I’ve been having problems lately…
I’ve become very emotional. I began to cry for every little thing and wouldn’t know why…all I knew was that this type of behavior wasn’t healthy. I would call myself names such as: ugly, stupid, fat, untalented and worthless. I didn’t call myself these names because I was just upset…I actually feel like I’m those things.
Ever since my grades dropped…including my music (which I’m supposed to be good at) I became very upset at myself. I once screamed at my reflection saying,
“I hate you!”
I’m really depressed these days… and I start to write poems that show my feelings. I don’t remember the last time I prayed or the reason why I go to church. But I know that I feel like crap.
I’m starting to be afraid. I didn’t quite know what my fears were, but I know now. I’m afraid of death…that I won’t make it to the kingdom of God…that one day I might just die unsaved. I’m really sad…plz help me someone.
(le-havdil) I want to comment about that.
Hello! You wrote: I’m afraid of death That I won’t make it to the kingdom of God…that one day I might just die unsaved.
I also was afraid of that before. Now I am secure that I will unite with the Creator, if I continue to live as I do now.
How to live in order to enable the Creator in His loving kindness to provide His forgiveness is outlined in the Jewish Bible; and was also taught by the first century Ribi Yehoshua from Nazareth (the Mashiakh; the Messiah).
The Jewish Bible “for example Yekhzqeil (Hezekiel) 18 “promises forgiveness to those who do their sincerest to keep Torah. The Creator cannot lie, and He does not change (Malakhi 3:6)! According to Tehilim (Psalms) 103 the Creator gives his forgiveness to those who do their sincerest to keep His berit (covenant; the pre-conditions to be included in the berit is according to the Jewish Bible to do ones sincerest to keep Torah).
You will find Ribi Yehoshuas teachings here: netzarim.co.il
All the best,
Anders Branderud
After reading your story, I know that I can really relate to how you’re feeling. I went through a lot of of similar experiences; I’ve been going to church since I was 5 or 6, went to Sunday School, but throughout my childhood I never truly felt God’s love and it never had any kind of influence on my life. Throughout my childhood, I was picked on and teased at school to the point where as I progressed into 4th and 5th grade, the attacks even occured outside of school through the computer and I felt like I had no escape from all of the hatred thrown at me. Eventually, the attacks got to me so badly that I began to hate myself and shut out everyone in my life because I was so afraid of being hurt. I wanted to be tough, so I pretended like I didn’t care and that I preferred being alone. I went through a lot of the same things as you, with writing poetry about my feelings (I specifically remember writing one about how my life was grey and dark) and taking out all of my anger on myself, calling myself stupid, ugly, worthless, every name that the kids at school called me. What truly helped me pull through, and what changed my life more than anything imaginable, was my final year of Sunday School in 8th grade. I decided to take the year more seriously since it was the last year and the year we were Confirmed, so I came in with an open mind and actually really listened in church for the first time in my life. As the year progressed, we were told to write an essay about ourselves and how God is important in our lives. It totally dawned on me that I do have a purpose here in life, and that I do have someone who loves me for who I am, someone who doesn’t see me as an ugly and worthless child – God. I continued to pray for help, to pray for love to enter my life and to follow the path that God had laid out for me, and I began to discover more and more about myself everyday. Eventually, I developed an amazing sense of self-esteem and self-confidence, and I can say that for the first time in my life, I loved myself, I loved my family, I loved my friends, and I loved life. I truly felt love for the first time, and it is a happiness like no other. I will definitely pray that you will be able to find the same happiness and love within God, and that you will be able to find that you are able to love yourself and love your life. Keep praying, build up your trust, and listen in to the words that are spoken in church and apply them to your life. I have hope that God will make a breakthrough and show you how worthy you really are! :)
It sounds to me like you need an encounter with the Living God, who loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. God made us for fellowship with Himself, but sin came in and caused a barrier. When Jesus died on the cross for us, it was taken away, and we can come close to God through Jesus. When you accept what Jesus did for you, and ask Him into your heart and life, you become a “new creation,” A change happens on the inside, and the Holy Spirit lives inside of you.
Once you have done that, you can talk to Him like your best friend, only bettter. I was 14 when I met Jesus, and that was a long time ago – but He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
We can know about Him, but in order to really connect, this needs to take place.
Bring Him your concerns. He loves you with an everlasting love, and sees you as very precious. You are special to Him.
I think if you pray to God and ask Jesus to be Lord (boss) of your life, your feelings about yourself will begin to change, because He will show you how special you are. Keep talking to Him. He hears. And He will find a way to let you know He’s there.
The key to fighting the darkness that is looking for a way into our lives is to pray. Ask Jesus for help and you will find it all around you. A kind word, a smile, a million little changes in your life. Pray more and the spirit within you gets stronger. Faith shines and darkness can’t get near you. When my doctor called me at work and said “You have cancer” I felt betrayed and a dark blanket surround me that separated me from everyone. Hurt, I went alone into our church and just sat and waited. I didn’t know what to pray, or how to.
After a long while, the noise in my mind became very still and I felt a warmth. God knows our needs.
Everything was going to be alright – and it was.
It will be for you, too. Just pray.
Love you.
my brother peace be with you… you are young and see yourself untalented, and nothing. god thinks of you differently when he said that you are his child he means it. you were created for a purpose i was born eight months into this world when things did not go well with me i wanted to kill myself but god promised this in Jeremiah 29 :11 says i alone the plans for you plans that will prosper you and not bring you disaster, plans that will bring about the future that you hope for. Joshua 1 :9 says i command you to be brave and strong do not be afraid or discourage for i the lord your god am with you where ever you go. always pray and never give up, your strength is in god. amen. i failed all my papers as i set for my annual exams i asked god to help me and he did i finally passed all of them because god help me i am not clever but god showed his awesome power by saving me i broke down in tears that day tears of joy streamed down my eyes. this is a true story of what god did in my life. my understanding of a clever person is one who knows what is right and wrong and does what is right and that my friend is the definition of cleverness… Luke 1:37 say there’s nothing god cannot do… ask god to help you keep on asking him he will answer your prayer. the lord will be with you…amen
Trishany,
I want you to know that all is not lost because you have a fear of death, and you struggle with who you are. Be assured of this that God does love you and He understands your sufferings.
You are at a very sensitive age and many folks your age are going through the same battle. In the hurt and confussion of trying to find oneself in this world; temptation to experiment with alterative forms of entertainment and “friend” groups is huge. We need to fill the emptiness; need to escape the fear and anxiety somehow, so all these alternate choices seem to be so available. They appear to offer direction and a way to feel happy and settled in life with who we are.
There will come a day when in your heart you will know that all these other things are not really touching and healing that deep inner thing in you. When that day comes find a place were you can be alone with Jesus. talk it over with Him. He already knows but He wants to hear it from you. Then ask Him to come and heal you. Ask Him to come and make the difference in your life that you truly want and believe He can make. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free from all the dark things that trouble you today.
The answer, the peace, the love, the beauty the all in all begin to call on the name of JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, there is no other answer, He will show up I promise. slaytonkris at yahoo dot com
Read John 10: 27-29. I am a new Christian, so I don’t know much, but I understand how you’re feeling and can relate to it. Just know that you are here on earth because God wants you here. 13 is a very tough age, especially in this world. Try writing out a prayer to God, asking for his guidance. A girl in my youth group was talking about doing that. I’ll pray for you sweetie.
Hey Trishany!
I have read your story and can really relate. I am in the eighth grade aswell and can also think these things of myself.
Nomatter what critisism you might recieve ot bad things you may think of yourself, You are none of those.
You are a strong Child of God and so many people love you. I bet you are amazing and very beautiful. Keep praying and recommit your life to God, It could realy help. Try reading the Bible regularly as this could also help. If you ever need anyone to talk to, Just message me or ask. :) You\’re story is very touching and I will be praying for you. Keep smiling! x God Bless