Hi. I am just posting for prayers and comments please. I am not having the best time.
Just over a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I was 18 when we started dating and he was 26. We had had a turbulent relationship and I was always breaking up with him because I wasn’t sure of my feelings. He was the perfect guy and was great for me but I guess I was too young to be in a relationship and I couldn’t see it. He was very patient with me but I started slipping from God while we were in the relationship and rebelled and left Him. I didn’t do anything terrible for a while but eventually after the penultimate breakup I saw someone else and felt like I had lost my perfect boyfriend. I was so afraid so I ran back to him and asked him to take me back telling him I was sure that I wanted to be with him, which I wasn’t. I felt guilty about this but I shut it out and numbed myself to the voice of God telling me it was wrong for me to be with him when I wasn’t sure and he was.
We stayed together for almost a year but because I was already straying from God I started to become more and more hardened. I started to treat my boyfriend badly and telling everyone that I didn’t really have feelings for him. Eventually I decided to break up with him for good. I was miles away from God at the time and was talking to friends who didn’t know God. At the same time that I had decided, another guy came along and I started to flirt with him while I was still with my boyfriend. My poor boyfriend knew that it was going on but chose to disregard  some of it, putting it down to just friendship. Then less than a week before my boyfriend and I broke up, I started seeing this guy for real. After we broke up, I continued to see him and the relationship became physical. I am so ashamed of my actions while I write this. I look back and see my heart and how calloused and ugly it was and wish that I had just returned to God and found him then.
6 weeks later I left the other guy and started to miss the perfect guy again. I wanted to go back to him, but I still wasn’t sure that I could commit. I told him I wanted to try but when I confessed everything that happened and told him that I still wasn’t sure, he had had enough and decided that he didn’t want it anymore despite the fact that I kept trying with him.
I feel rotten because I just look at myself and think “you didn’t want him, you just didn’t want anyone else to have him”, but a year later now, I have matured a little and realise that this man was so wonderful and we could have had a great marriage. I realise it’s pointless to regret it all now but I am suffering terrible anxiety and depression feeling like I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I have so many if onlys. If only I had let him go at the right time. If only I hadn’t seen that other guy. If only I had waited for a while to start the relationship with him. He was such a special and unique guy. I don’t know if I will ever find another one like him, yet I just couldn’t make it work.
I feel like all of this is worldly sorrow leading to death. I don’t even know if I am repentant over treating him so badly. Sometimes I feel like I am beyond repentance. This all happened a year ago and I can’t get it off my mind. To compound that, I am supposed to be starting  a new job as a doctor in two weeks and because of all the anxiety I cannot get myself together to find a place to stay a car and all the things I need to do. I really need help but I feel so distant from God and everyone. I feel guilty that I am not doing the right things but desperate also because I cannot find the motivation.
 Because of everything I have done I feel so unlovable and broken. I feel numb, like I have no emotions and dirty and stained. I want to be cleansed but I can’t find God to help me. Please help.
Hi,
I want to tell you that God loves you VERY much!!! If we confess with our mouth and repent with our hearts, then we are forgiven and redeemed by the blood of Jesus.
The bible says “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
And about repentance the bible says “Therefore this is what the Lord says, ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.'” (Jeremiah 15:19a)
God will forgive you instantly!
You have to know that you must also forgive yourself the Bible says “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13,14)
God is a good God and he loves you VERY MUCH!! He wants you to be happy and to live free without condemnation. From reading your testimony it doesn’t sound like you really wanted to be with this guy, it sounds like you like the idea of being with him because of who he was. God has someone perfectly made just for you!
The bible says Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.â€(Genesis 2:18) God loves you and wants the best for you! Focus on God and really commit to him and spend time with him by reading and studying his word, pray and fast. Allow God to change you. God is a jealous God and He wants us to put HIM first before everything else.
Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.Psalm 37:5(NLT)God has an AWESOME plan for your life and he wants to bless you and prosper you in everything you do. Sometimes God will allow bad things to happen in our lives to get our focus back on him when we’ve drifted apart. but the good news is He’s always there willing to take us back with open arms like the Loving father he is. God will heal your broken heart and bandage your wounds if you just ask Him. No matter what you might think or feel GOD IS ALWAYS THERE. His word says he will never leave us or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5 I would also encourage you to find scriptures in your bible that relate to whatever you are going through at the moment and read them out loud constantly. God said his word will not return to Him void. Isaiah 55:11 If this guy is indeed the guy that God has for you then it will happen because God is in control! God Bless You Sister!!
Did you go out and persecute other christians? Assist those who hated them to kill them – to slaughter them and mock them an spit in their faces? Did you make it publicaly known that you hated them? Paul did.
I undertand that right now you may feel filthy and broken; but it is an opportunity for Him to make his presence known in your situation. You are the prodigal son right now; having run away from your family and tried to make your own way. And now though there are consequences God wants you back with him. He loves you more than you know.
He has the power to make you clean and beautiful again – more pure and better then you ever have been. When he died for you he also stood in front of the whole universe and took the punishment for our sins. He faced God and stood before him; accused of everything that we have ever done, carrying the shame and pain.
Jesus faced God and was accused of being ‘numb’, ‘dirty’ and ‘broken’ for you so you wouldn’t have to. And all you have to do is ask for him to take the pain.
You may not feel changed immediately, but know that the emotions will follow. Just be honest with God about everything and have faith.
He loves you so much that it is kinda impossible to describe/explain … :D
God Loves you no matter what, do not worry about what has happened .God loves you so much that he sent his son jesus to die for you so you will be saved. Thank god for everything even for what has opened, the hardness you feel and offer it up to him. He will set you free, no one and nothing can set you free except for the love of Jesus.
I understand where you are at I myself started a relationship with a man because he was nice but I was still in love with another man but who didnot love God. See I thought he is Christian so he must be for me and I mistreated him too the truth is you started something that maybe wasn’t from God. The devil works in mysterious ways I made myself love him and even fornicating hoping my feelings would change in reality you and I didn’t leave it to God, did he try to pressure you because that is a first no no things of God are not this confusing he is not a God of confusion as a wise woman once told me. The devil is driving away your focus through this sorrow from seeing God, he says to seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness and everything else will be added unto you. If he is meant for you God gives you the desire in your heart to spend your life with him. You never know maybe God will place him in your life again or just give it some time God will give you the right person for you, this is what God has revealed to me I suffered with uncertainty for 3 years but now I accept that if he is not for me he is not for me God makes it feel good when it does come from him. It might be it just wasn’t the time or it wasn’t the person. No man compares to God, no man is righteous, and there are many godly men out there when it’s your time you will know :)