Season of Seizures

I have no one else to share this with so I’ve decided to share this testimony on here, and I’ll be talking on my faith journey with God.

In 2021 December, I had my first seizure at 11 years old, in my head I personally thought it was a one-off thing that just randomly happened. Turned out, I was wrong. When 2022 entered, I continuously had these seizures, I would be in and out of hospital, getting diagnosed here and there with all these epileptic seizures.

Throughout that season of these seizures, my mind was lost, I didn’t know why it was happening, but always, my parents would be praying for me. I would always let them pray for me but never really believe anything they said. I started having seizures at home, in school and even in public, it was hard. I hated going to school knowing people knew me as the girl who has seizures, it was embarrassing!

At the age of around 12, I started self-harm. I hated these seizures, and I honestly couldn’t help but think I deserved to be hurt like this. Suicidal thoughts were running through my head, I would cry myself to sleep without my parents knowing about all this. I was scared about being judged not only by my parents but my friends.

Sooner or later, I stopped praying and reading my Bible as frequently as I used to. When people would tell me “God is with you” or “God is going to heal you”, I would always agree but in the back of my mind I was doubting every word they said. I would go to church struggling everyday but never turned to face God and seek help.

This cycle was going on for almost a year until I joined a new church. As I joined the church, I discovered a youth group; I joined it as a very shy and introvert person. I started going to youth every Friday along with church on Sunday and tried to encounter with God, but it just wasn’t working. I couldn’t receive the same feeling or reaction to worship as everyone else; it seemed like I was the anomaly.

2023 came, and they were hosting a camp aimed for people ages from 12-18. I went straight to my mum asking for me to go and she agreed. April came and that was time for me to go to camp! I was excited not for the encounter with God but to leave the house and be away from home for 4 days…how odd.

The first session of worship came on and the worship music started. Something felt weird; it didn’t feel good nor bad. My throat felt like it was going to explode, and tears started rolling down my cheeks and I lifted my hands for the first time. It felt good but odd at the same time.

The camp went on I started to feel comfort in God’s presence. That is where my journey started, the buildup to my testimony that I’m speaking on today. After the camp ended, I began reading my Bible and writing down verses that really meant the most to me. After a while, it caught my attention that everyone else but me was praying for my own healing. I tried praying continuously day by day praying for myself and my healing.

Although I still had seizures, I still tried my hardest to push through. Some days I would feel distressed, and I would want to end my life, but I still tried. It came to a point in August 2023, I had a seizure. After that I never had a seizure, and I felt as if I was ready to tell my testimony.

Until May 2024, the worst week of my life. I had a seizure again, and doctors over medicated me, I was non-stop passing out random seizures during the day, migraines, in a wheelchair, speech was very slow, and I seriously kept saying to my mum

“Mum I’m going to die”

whilst crying. I couldn’t be there for my siblings, and I couldn’t be there for my friends. I was limited on the activities I could do, I would keep feeling lightheaded. Whilst I was in hospital, I spoke to my mum saying something along the lines of me preaching in front of a crowd and that youths who are lost in life, I will be the one who will change it and turn them towards God. To this day, me and my mum believe those were prophetic words.

After that, I only had 2 seizures and that was it. I’ve been seizure free for 6 months. I’ve realised that putting your faith and your problems in God’s hands no matter the situation. You might be going through something much worse than what I went through and you might not believe the words I’m saying as a 14 year old, but I do believe that if you are struggling financially, mentally, physically, with school, with friends or even family, God can solve those problems and all he needs is your heart to be open, your faith and trust in him.