Saved from Addiction, Depression

Hello my Brothers and Sisters,

My name is Nick, I am 23 years old and I would like to share my story with all of you and how I have been led to the incredible loving power of Jesus Christ. It took going through a very serious 3 year addiction to pain killers to ultimately end up in an amazing place physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally after having made it through with God’s help. I would like to take you back from where this destructive path started all the way to the beautiful place that I have reached today, and share my experience with Christ along the way, because he has done much more for me than just heal me from addiction.

As a 19 year old, I started to dabble with hard drugs. I came from a pretty rough home at the time, a severely depressed mother and an alcoholic father. My mother often snapped at me at a young age for things of extremely little relevance compared to the much worse things going on in the world, and it turned me into an angry, bitter soul. This was even before I got into drugs, and although at times I may have been a somewhat troubled teenager, she often crossed the line and said things to me that no mother should say to her son. Extremely vulgar language, getting in my face, screaming at the top of her lungs on a weekly basis. She was also unemployed with no routine whatsoever, and I felt like at times the way she screamed at me was really a reflection of how she felt about herself. Although I got into drugs I would like to say I was a very normal and healthy High School kid prior to my drug use. I got into a four year college, played 3 sports, and had a lot of friends. When high school ended my mothers depression reached an all time high and I began to carry around a very unhealthy resentment and sense of anger with me everywhere I went. As months went on I grew angrier, and my self worth decreased as my addiction to pain killers began to increase. I was and still am very into fitness but at the time that wasn’t enough to satisfy the anger I had inside of me. My drug addiction in combination with my mothers depression was a horrible formula for things inside of my home. Although I was addicted to drugs, I managed to make it through two years of college. Then, the first semester of my Junior year, I got severely intoxicated. I was emotionally unstable and was having trouble with the girl I loved, and got behind the wheel without the least bit of regard for human life. I made it to my driveway safely, but then got a call from my best friend to go get high. When I picked him up I almost felt as if I needed to show someone the aggression and hate inside of me. I decided to step on the gas and reach approximately 60 MPH going around a turn, and crashed into a snow bank which was blocking a pole. I somehow made it out unscathed, and as sad as it sounds, my self-worth and dignity was so low at that point that I looked at my friend and told him I didn’t even care that we crashed. If that snowbank wasn’t there to block me from the pole, I wouldn’t be here typing this to you right now. After getting a DUI and losing my license for 7 months, my unemployed mother took it upon herself to drive me to school and make sure I made it to every single one of my classes that semester so it didn’t go to waste, and I was able to make it through without falling behind. Things began to get a little better, and although I was still stuck in my ways, I was making it through school with good grades, but I still wasn’t a happy person. Amongst other things, I had a girlfriend that cheated on me with my best friend, and I really didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to conquer my demons. I was an emotional wreck with nobody to trust or to turn to, at least that’s what I initially thought. If you can’t trust the two people you thought you love the most you feel pretty lonely. Often times, I prayed throughout my addiction, but I didn’t remain consistent in my faith.

When the spring semester ended of my junior year I was determined to make a change. I was done with school and had a few days off from work (which I will touch upon my job later) and I knew I had several days where I could go through my withdrawals without having to worry about getting any work done. On day 3, I felt so sick and tired and I literally begged to God. I said something along the lines of

“God, please take this out of my hands and place it into yours, because there is no way I have the strength to do this on my own.”

That was May 2012, and I am typing to you right now sober as can be! Something fairly odd happened to me. For nearly a year, I hid my addiction from my girlfriend, she never knew about it at all, yet stuck with me that entire time. When I was 3 weeks clean, she broke up with me out of nowhere, and I became really scared of where that would take me emotionally and the affect it would have on my recovery. I feared being alone, but as time surpassed, I began to realize that’s the last thing that I was! My relationship with Jesus started out by me praying every night. I would ask him to open up my eyes to all the meaningful things I missed out on over this 3 year course. To touch back on my occupation, I work for after-school programs for K-5, and have been doing that since I was 17 years old! My kids all looked up to me as an athletic, funny, fun to be around, motivational hero, but none of them had any clue of the hurt I was going through on the inside for those several years. Even during that stage I loved my job and I wanted to change so bad for them! I almost felt like they were my little brothers and sisters and cared for them a great deal, it’s probably safe to say I cared for them and respected them more I did myself for that time period. They always knew how to make me smile, and it was that much more special to me because I didn’t have that love in my own home. Jesus really opened my eyes through my job that now that I am getting my health back, it was time to finally start making a positive contribution to the world with the best of my ability. As much as I tried to show my kids how to do the right thing, particularly through being student athletes, God helped me understand the important things in life through them! Jesus began to renew my mind little by little through conversation with him, he took my wounded heart and began to make it warm. I then began to realize that what made me more happy than anything else was serving others, and having Christ bless others through me. Academically, things turned into an all-time high for me! I dedicated my life to fitness and being a student, but it wasn’t just for personal success. I would ask Jesus all the time for me to be able to bring out the best in my classmates. Help me bring joy to them, and help me motivate them to work harder and achieve success. By the way, I am a physical education major and I will be graduating in the Spring! Anyway, I was eager to make study guides for all of my classmates and we would hold study sessions in the library together. I was really taking on the role as a true leader amongst my peers, and TRUST me when I say without Christ, it wouldn’t of been possible! Just two years ago my self-esteem was so low that I wouldn’t even want to look my peers in the face, now I was eager to lend a helping hand to all of my fellow Phys Ed majors at school! My sudden change of mentality and heart through prayer was actually becoming overwhelming! At times I felt completely unworthy and felt like God’s love was just too good for someone like me after all the things I had done. I went from not caring about pretty much everyone around me, to wanting to lift the spirits of all those who come in contact with me! In addition to that, I was helping friends and other people that I have crossed paths with through their own battles with addiction. I helped several people get sober by putting their faith in me and much more importantly in Christ. I am also now a personal trainer! I feel like your passion in life and your purpose are two different things. Your passion, which Christ will open your eyes to, is what you do that makes you happy and what you are good at! Your purpose is how you use a certain passion to help others. Well, my passion is fitness. And Jesus has helped me help so many others feel good about themselves by motivating them to take on a healthy lifestyle. Now, coming from where I came from, which was feeling horrible about myself, all the way to now helping lift and inspire others, is nothing short of a miracle!

When I pray before I go to sleep, as well as in the morning, I repent for all my sins. I give thanks to Jesus for all of the great things that happened that day, no matter how big or small! I will thank him tonight just for the opportunity to share this with all of you! And I just tell him anything that is on my mind. I hope I didn’t bore anybody to long with my life story over the last few years, but now that I talked about me I would now like to just focus on God. I would just like to say, for anybody on here at times that tends to question their faith, as I did for many years, that Christ truthfully NEVER fails. Sometimes I will still find a mental slump where I feel cluttered, or I can’t focus, and I feel like things might not get better. Just remember that anxiety stems from the fear of a future without God, which is not possible if YOU DON’T LET IT become possible. He is ALWAYS there to listen, and nothing you confess can make him love you less. The amount of peace I am given through prayer and the fresh breath that Christ places inside of my body truthfully surpasses understanding. The human mind isn’t meant to comprehend the love God has for us, which is why I spend less time trying to understand and much more time enjoying it now! I live my life every day realizing I don’t have to be where I am today. I could of died or been paralyzed in the car accident I spoke of earlier, I could of died from a drug overdose, I could of been in jail, yet I’m here. I’m here with an amazingly blessed and repaired relationship with my sister, a much better relationship with my mother, and about the same relationship with my father. I am single and I know God will place the right female in my life at the right time. As long as I remain single, his love is completely sufficient. Even when I do find that significant other, I will treat them with love, care, and respect, but they won’t come before Christ. Here’s another thing I would like to say. Although things with me and my dad have been rough, and he is still a functioning alcoholic, on fathers day of this year I did not feel any resent, or any pain, but Christ’s love was specifically strong on that day, and when I went to mass on that day I felt him telling me to not worry about my broken relationship with my father, that no matter what I will always have someone to turn to, and that someone is him. So for all of you out there going through any sort of relationship problem, or you’re feeling lonely, or feeling like you have no one to guide you, whatever the case may be, Jesus never fails. He will fix your heart, he will strengthen your mind, he will help you see things in a different light. The power of prayer and the power of God cannot be denied! Despite of all the things I went through and all the horrible things I did, I have no regrets because it brought me closer to GOD and he forgives those who believe in his son! The king of the universe our Lord JESUS CHRIST! AMEN!

As for me now, I just got done with a 4.0 semester and am on the verge of earning my degree in Physical Education. I would love to work in the inner city and make a difference in society. I know it is important for those kids in particular to have a positive influence in their life and to have someone they can turn to and look up to. I hope I can be that person for as many people as possible. I have an amazing social circle and have an excellent direction of where I want to go and who I want to be in my life! Christ gave me a purpose! I hope my testimony inspires members of this awesome site and I look forward to reading the stories of others! I’m glad that each and every one here is blessed and together IN CHRIST!

God Bless each and every one of you, in the Name of the King of Kings, our Lord Jesus Christ, I thank you! Amen!

8 Comments

  1. Emory 9/10/2013
  2. Joy 9/10/2013
  3. Nick7390 9/10/2013
  4. cheeryleesa 9/11/2013
  5. Ancy 9/19/2013
  6. Nicholas 9/19/2013
  7. Ancy 9/20/2013
  8. faithmyvictory 1/22/2014

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