I grew up in a Christian family and started searching for the Lord when I was a child. At a summer camp, at the age of nine or ten, I accepted Christ as my savior. Then, as I got older, I turned from Him. I was not happy. I was looking for something but didn’t know what it was. I did things I shouldn’t have. I was lost. At the age of seventeen, while sitting in church, I was struck. It was as if God himself hit me on the head and knocked part of my brains out. People would probably call it a “nervous breakdown” but I “lost” myself. I knew who I was but yet I didn’t. I was filled with terror. I laid on the couch for a week, unable to move, terrified to move, my muscles twitching involuntarily. I was afraid of everything. It was as if I was living a nightmare. My only relief from this feeling of terror was sleep. When I woke in the morning, it would begin again. I would cry and cry.
My mother took me to the doctors. There was nothing wrong with me. I didn’t tell my mother what had happened to me. I was afraid I’d wind up in a mental ward. Instead, I tried to heal myself. I would walk down the street to school and think positive thought – the sky was beautiful, it was a beautiful day, what a cute dog… I would still have attacks of terror, but I tried to work thru them. I stopped going to church because that’s where I had been punished. My life went on. Eventually, the terror stopped but it took years. Fast forward many years. I lived without God in my life. I had many problems though. I still wasn’t “well” emotionally. I often felt like a weight was on my chest. I had trouble breathing. I was exhausted and tired all the time. I decided to take a chance.
I needed God in my life. So, I began to go to church. At first, I continued to feel stressed and anxious, but as I stood in church singing hymns, I would cry, tears streaming down my cheeks. They were tears of joy and happiness. I asked for forgiveness so many times. I had abandoned my Father in heaven. I needed to feel forgiven. I began to lose the heavy feeling, the hard to breathe feeling. I went to church as often as I could. I went to bible study. I wanted to be filled with the Spirit. PLEASE! Fill me, Lord. Now, I feel the Spirit within me. Now, when a sing a hymn I can feel the Spirit like electricity. Coming back to God has helped my marriage. He has cured my husband of cancer (with doctors’ help) and more. He has helped my husband in his new business. I no longer have anxiety or trouble breathing. He has helped me get through so many problems. I am happy. I love God. I am so thankful to Him. I pray that others will come to Him and know the peace that He can bring.