“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”
The above is the Bible verse that comes into my head when I think of the night I felt the Lord save me from the anguish I was in. *See Salvation part 1*
I actually remember thinking the same night or the nights before that seeing Jesus – being saved would be the best sight and experience in my entire life. Which of course it is.
I want to add something that during the last few months of last year I went through a trial of sorts before I felt God save me. I was deep in sexual sin and had just decided to come off the anti-psychotic drugs I was on for 9 years. When I did this, full-on insomnia took hold of me. For weeks, and weeks, and weeks, and weeks, and weeks, I couldn’t get normal sleep. It was excruciating.
Earlier in the year (2015) I made the decision to pick up a King James Version Bible from Amazon. I started reading it from Genesis but I didn’t really make that much progress with it to be honest. I put it off and read some other stuff I was then still into.
I would pray often in the autumn-winter nights sometimes begging out-right in torment and insanity for the Lord Jesus Christ to save me sitting at my computer desk. I would write down the sinners prayer and the Lordship prayer, then go somewhere private and pray them aloud. I was so mad I would do it over and over sometimes even perhaps after I’d been saved in the first place.
I would watch quite a good number of real YouTube videos with real footage caught in the world of evidence of God, the Angelic phenomenon, etc. when I came across a video were there was a real live action visual image of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself on the cross showing his death. Quite a famous bit of supernatural footage well known on YouTube. The emotion just got to me. It’s like I could feel the Lord Yeshua’s love with what I was seeing and the music just drove the point home. The YouTube uploader had a great companion music theme to the video in the background. And, in all honestly, I think it was perfect. Because I just burst out into tears while watching it. I had been driven completely insane by either my own illness or the demonic enemy that I wasn’t sure if I ‘really’ believed in Jesus Christ or not for months and months and months.
But the visual image this person caught combined with the music he or she had in the background just made all that insanity all the more completely irrelevant. And that to me shows that God, and Love is infinitely more powerful then any insanity or fear. I completely agree with people and know exactly what they mean when they say that God is love. Because I can testify that that’s been all I’ve felt through my many pitfalls into tempting God too often then is physically healthy. That His mercy and forgiveness is the best trait and example of His Love. I mean some of the stuff The Lord has put up with from me alone speaks VOLUMES of His Excellent, Supreme, Holiness. I’m sure many/all Christians here can personally attest to what I’m referring to as well.
So I would quite regularly break into to tears with seeing these videos to do with Jesus. Or seeing a photograph of Jesus crying over how destroyed and broken the world is. But that video really did it for me. And I found when that night came where I felt the Lord Jesus Christ saved me from complete insanity taking over me that the deadlock I had with my insomnia which wasn’t pretty, evaporated. I think the sleeping problem was a trial in as much as it may of been (on a smaller scale) coming off the drugs.
I would rage and say why would a Loving God put someone through this torment? Tests are there I think not so the Heavenly Father can be cruel with someone, but to make that person better and develop them. Perhaps so He can assess the person to see who the person really is and what is they’re threshold and true character. Because when you know Him, you know He’s not cruel at all. But extremely loving, gentle and kind. And long-suffering. Our God truly is a Good God. People just don’t know that He’s a person with real feelings and feels hurt just like any one else.
Like when people will say all manner of nonsense saying He is a cruel and vindictive God based from an Old Testament misunderstanding. He’s cruel if you cross Him. Because I myself was in that category not understanding the old testament context. Thinking such things that now, I realise, I’m ashamed to have once harboured such horrible misguided thoughts.
Praise the Lord for how good He truly is. It’s a mystery why He would be so Loving to those who hate him and the compassion He has on wicked sinners like myself. I would vouch the opinion that it’s to show that His Love and forgiveness (and love in general) from the Heavenly Father and Yeshua is stronger then evil no matter from where it rules in someone in they’re life.
I remember one of the first times I felt the Lord’s Love was following myself having a domestic problem in my house and I had to get away and I sort of stormed out and went outside and it was of a belated realization that the Lord knew what had happened in my house and comforted me when I went outside. And I thought to myself I wish I had appreciated that and realized and understood it for what it was as soon as it happened. And yet, I feel I appreciated it more in retrospect looking back, in not realizing and identifying what happened as the Lord showing His Love for me.
Life can be hard and it is a test. But God is always there no matter how hard it gets. If the test is big, take the opportunity to please God by passing the test no matter how difficult your circumstances may be. God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you can handle:
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 1st Corinthians 10:13
Sometimes it may not feel like that (myself included) but it’s true. And the testament to that is the conscience where in the aftermath where you messed up you realise you could of resisted responding badly no matter how bad the situation you were in seemed. Obviously none of us will ever come close to repaying the Greatest Sacrifice in the History of the World The Lord Yeshua did for us. But maybe along with serving the Lord in life as best as we can, that’s the best we can do.
Also-and not wanting to get into a theological debate with this-(but for me at least) I found that before I got into a relationship with the Lord God, I actually made a decision to say inwardly and even I remember outwardly:
“Yeah it’s not worth it. I’m ceasing this”
and repent from certain sin ruling my heart and intentions.
In that I realized that fixating on revenge and harbouring dark feelings for people who treat you badly is not worth the wages of such sin all sin, that is Hell when someone dies. In fact maybe that’s what Jesus Himself is talking about when he says in Mark 1:15 : “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.” That although all someone needs in order to have eternal life is to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, that repenting is in itself a part of the belief requirement.
Demonstrating the heart of a person wanting to change themselves and turn from sin. Which is impossible and something only the Lord Jesus Christ can do for that person. But the person you could argue states his or her decision in they’re heart in whether they will continue to stay in they’re old life of sin or want a new one. And hence they declare in making an attempt to repent they want they’re old sinful, dominated-life at an end. But of course they/we can’t end our sin anymore then we can grow a third arm. And that’s of course when that person after praying to Jesus is saved. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. “Saved by grace not works.”
And I think someone is kidding themselves saying they stopped sinning over night. It’s obviously not done overnight. Not much of a comment there. But yeah, that’s the Salvation Testimony part 2. I will add any more aspects to I’ve left out if/when I remember any God willing. Thank you to all for taking the time to read it.
*Fear excerpt of next blog post: The Lord is stronger then any fear. It’s more or less completely gone in public situations. Gone. History. It’s so great it’s unreal to me that this for most people is the norm. Being in a busy town, tons of people, this was unfeasible just a few months back. But it’s great.*