Thanks to Papa! I have been clean of porn and no longer smoke weed. its been almost a year according to my last post. off by a couple days and I haven’t dab in those pits or strongholds since then. And happy to report I believe I have been giving a second chance. and I don’t see her as much as before (there are times when we get to hangout and laugh and stuff and watch movies now) it was every week and needy( coming from me needy kinda sucks why was I like that lol) now its occasionally. so much I have learned and grown with Papa I would say. there is still moments when I fall short and screw up. God is great and I gotta say I don’t deserve a lot of the things he does, but I believe that’s why I and have grown special fond of him and who is he. as of today July 24th he surprised me so much, this week is a camping trip that is on the 27th and a while back there was a head count of who was going and I marked no.
Then last weekend, Friday or Saturday 20th or 21st, I was talking to Papa asking for an opportunity to hangout with her and then Sunday afternoon she texted me saying: herself and others missed me that day and said she was going to the camping trip. Sorry for jumping around but on Saturday I woke up and went to get out of bed only to have a horrible cramp that I was stuck standing for maybe 5-8 mins I think. And missed out going to a dance lesson and the cramp did let go but the pain was still there on Sunday when I woke. maybe still not a great excuse but I know I missed out on something great. so back to trip, I thought I could go but saw! I said no and wouldn’t have the cash to go and I’ll arrive late, (I get off now average on 5 pm ish and the drive from what I understood was 2 1/2 hour drive, don’t know about vehicles that much but I know my truck is 1976 GMC SIERRA GRANDE (and that was an answer prayer as well). It needs TLC tender loving care and I probably wouldn’t worry as much or none.
Well so Monday arrives which is the 23rd and was so confused thinking it has to be Papa and boy did he answer quick with that prayer/cry. and then a machine @ work broke and busted. then was told that we might have to be here this weekend as well, so I told them and her its a no go for me. later that night I was stupid and excuse word but masturbated later that night (so stupid and its still a struggle and stronghold).
Then today Tuesday I didn’t pray for it last night for the machine or the morning and we tried crimping a hose in the machine (I make hydraulic hoses for a variety of things, one was big Bertha that dug a tunnel in Seattle) and boom the machine got fixed that’s gotta be Papa right. Even though my co worker was surprised and swearing in amazement that its not out of luck you know so now that’s why I am surprised. Just awesome he is.
I don’t know yet what this means and I don’t want to try to understand. I am glad I can write this and be honest as I can. I could use prayer please, cause I don’t want to make mistakes anymore I think we all want that. but I feel this is for those that might not have hope and know that Papa is good just as he says he is and well take care of us. I can see the good nor great that Papa has done and I hope you can spot it as well, I ask please don’t make my mistakes if I can say I hope and wouldn’t want (my self included) to wonder for a long time when the solution is him you know. I hope we all trust like he wants and rely on him. thanks for reading all who do and God bless you.