Hello Brothers and Sisters,
Recently, over the past months or so my relationship has been under attack. For weeks I could not understand why because I was fasting and praying for “elevation” in my relationship. Over and over again, the enemy was just attacking us individually and as a whole.
I wholeheartedly seek Jesus about this manner.
Well, this is my testimony to say we have broken the chains off my relationship. Jesus broke the chains. Glory be to God the most high!!
Nevertheless, we are still growing and elevating together. We are engaged and I’m patiently waiting for that special day to arrive.
Please if you would keep me and my relationship in your prayers!
God Bless you all!
Will remember you in prayer.
I hope that it works out for you. I just need a place to vent. I feel like my life right now is very crazy. I’m 40 yrs old. I have three kids who don’t live with me they live with thier mother and her boyfriend. I cant change that situation and all that i have in me wants to change that situation i tried and came up empty and I’m still holding grudges and still feeling hurt behind the situation. I feel like I’ve been disrepected and betrayed and I have and I have forgive and let go but often times i still struggle with the reality. Its just that I wanted a family and I don’t have it the way i want it and ive been trying to find God in all of this. I look at God now like he is just a big mean person in the sky who is letting all of this pain happen to me. I know that he loves me in my heart but my emotions and feelings want to tell me different. So instead of me taking the high road and accepting this situation I am confused. Actually I have accepted it. I’m bitter but i know that God has something better for me and the more that i look at it, im happy because really she wasnt worth anything to me in the first place. Im just trying to stay cool and forgiving and kind but everything in me has been broken and hurt and even after all of this time i’m still trying to go on with my life and God seems to be silent. But i wish my ex well and her new boyfriend well as well because I cannot be stuck. She even keeps my children away from me. I mean this woman is a piece of work guys. I ask God why I had to meet her I hate him for letting me meet her all she has done is have my children besides that all she has ever done to me is cause me so much emotional pain its crazy. But God bless her I know that God has deliverd me from her. I am very happy. Bitter, hurt, angry, disgusted, but relieved and happy all at the same time and just hoping that God heals me completely from what has happended to me.
Moving on. I’m trying to now bounce back and forth between my new ex girlfriend. And this time, i know that i am way out of bounds. We were together on and off for 3 yrs. We work with each other. and i really just need to leave her alone but I am so hard headed. I text her after 2 months and I really need to just leave her alone but i gave in and she did not reply. Now I am hurting like a little kid and I just want attention from her. This is why i hate my life because im not able to just stick with one thing. I have to keep trying new things or im not able to just stand up and be a man. So now I am hurting wishing that she call or talk to me and then not wishing and I don’t want to get in trouble with her because she has that power to do that but becuas ei am so hardeed I’ll probably learn that she is over me and wants nothing to do with me the hard way. What a jerk i am. This is why I need help. I wish someone would just come in and clean my heart and mind out. Ive been talking down to myself lately. You should see it. My faith in God has been no existant. I’m usually gunho for God but now I just hate him for letting me go through this pain emotionally that i see no end in sight. I’m failing at my job and I’m just really buggin out.
I went back to a church and i guess i gave the pastor the impression that i was coming back. I’ve left this church 3 times already. I’ve never done this in my entire life. I don’t agree with the way the organization is ran but yet and still i went back to the church again. Why am i like this. This is why i hate God again because i cant seem to just stick with one thing. Im looking for God to help me. I’m looking for him to pull me out. My pain seems to be my best frined now. I seem to want to hold on to the pain while others are moving forward. My mind is gone and blocked and my heart is so afraid and angry and just weird feeling.
I have DV classes counseling that I dont want to pay money for anymore. My three children seem to be growing distant from me. I let the court date go. What a waste of about 700 dollars. So I’m looking for God to help me. I still have this atttraction for my children mother like i care about what she thinks and I just wonder why. Maybe God wants us to love those who dont love us back but Im asking, why me. Why do i have to have this kind of pain in my life. Is God ever going to release me. And no i did not hit her but i wrote some bad things to her in an email over 12 years ago and i still paying for it today all the while my little children are growing up without thier bioligical father who loves them the most. and we have to be strong because of this. I feel like i cant go on anymore. I’m in a very dark and deep place with no help. My brain is telling me that i dont even want the help. Because im looking for God to do something for me in a certain way or a certain feel and he is not doing it. I’m am not accepting it. God please help me to accept it in Jesus name. Help me to accept that both my exs are gone in Jesus name. Help me to accept the church and the DV classes that you want me to be in. Jesus help me to accept this pain Lord in Jesus name. I want to be happy. Maybe that church is not the right one. Then God help me find the right one. Maybe it is, then help me to accept it in Jesus name. This is my prayer, just help me to accept this loss in my life and knowthat you have a blessing on the other side in Jesus name thank God amen. JW
JW though your pain seems tough and your life seems like a struggle. God still loves you! You’re only going thru this so that one day you will have a testimony to give to someone else who is going thru the same thing. The enemy wants you to think that all of the bad things that have happened to you is because God did it but this is not the case. God is not the author of confusion but he is The God of Peace! You have to trust God and not hate him. When we choose to hate God we automatically tell the devil to come in into my life and have your way. Your life is a process this christian walk is a process. Sometimes you have to be wrong just to be right. Even if your kids mother treat you like crap you have to turn the other cheek and pray for her. Dont forget about being a doer of the Word and not just a hearer only. If it takes you all night cry out to God out of desperation. Fast, pray, read the word of God and speak positive things over your life even when it hurts and even when it feels like it isnt working. Stand fast and see the salvation of The Lord!!!
Jamal,
EG, is right. I was/ am kinda in the Same situation as you. I lost a great job and everything I have worked for to marrying the wrong woman. I’m 40 as well and never did I think I would be struggling at this age in my life. It could be a lot worse. It took me a few months to forgive after the numerous affairs and drugs behind my back. I have truly forgiven and let GOD take control. You see having faith is not seeing with your own eyes. If you could see what the LORD is doing then there would be no need for faith. I’m sure Jesus could have healed and provided more miracles when he walked this earth but HE was limited by unbelief. I have been going through this for over a year, going through bankruptcy, and I have never been turned down so many times for jobs to get my career back. I know and believe GOD is in control and HE is bigger than any problem we might face. Hope this helps brother. I’m still standing and believing and I pray that you are restored and delivered. There will be bad days but remember you have the power to speak positive things into your life. Living in us forgiveness is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It just doesn’t work. GOD is love, HE is waiting for you